My motto is "never feel better" 'cuz that way they can't ever make you feel bad again lol. I should write a relationship book and use that as the title...or maybe not.
I wrote the letter and sent it last night. It's a little different than the first one given light of the new situation. it wasn't mean, but it had a lot of truth about how everything has made me feel. It was the right move for me, to move on.
In other news, I am not going to Israel anymore. Too much money. My friend is still going, I am thankful. We will definitely be on a vacation together, maybe cali first week in June. it would have been a trip of a life time, but responsibilities first!
Thanks Rick <3. I'm trying to constantly remind myself it's not me. According to the decisions he is making, it's definitely not me. I saw my IC last night and told her of the new revelations and she was just shocked at some things I told her. She told me I really dodged a bullet. Thank God at one point I didn't pick up my life and move it there. I just seem to have a very hard time getting over people I let in and love hurting me. I'm very bad at getting over it, because I still have the good things that fill up my heart, and the good things, always take more power over the bad things for some reason....
I'm still feeling pretty hurt, but I'll get over it. When I am hurt like this, I can't eat much and I drop a few pounds......
Which is good because I am going to JAMACIA May 22nd!!!! Me and my BFF all inclusive at a top of the line resort, adults only! I am booked! Beyond excited, just what I need.
Oh, and listen to this. My dad and his wife's wedding anniversary was the 12th. I called my dad and wished them a happy anniversary. I thought it was a nice gesture. Well, he is not talking to me because he is mad that I did not deliver a separate call to his wife that day. WTF?! I always thought an anniversary is something special between a husband and wife, I wished them a happy anniversary, and I figured he would share the sentiment. Nope, I am now the bad child.
Sometimes I feel like I can't win. Everyone, including my IC agrees he's being dumb. So I'm going to let him cool off and come to me when he is ready. But I won't be apologizing for this one.
G, there's no time limit on grief. It takes time and give yourself that time. Don't compare to others. I often think tha those recover quickly are just not dealing with their sadness. Sorry, about Dad but I think he's had these moments in the past too, right?
Hey G - awesome about the trip to Jamaica! You will love it. I know how hard it is to let go of people we love. I have a hard time with it. But I love you! Not getting rid of me! Your dad is being ridiculous. Let him figure that out. Sometimes you just can't cut a break - you're right. Hugs, Barb
Wii, you nailed it, this is my dad's MO. I don't think there is anything else going on, he just gets emotional and defensive of his wife often. We had it out on the phone a little while ago. It wasn't initially good, he didn't agree with me, I didn't agree with him, he got into how I shouldn't be feeling anything regarding NG anymore, but luckily it ended eventually in "I love you's".
On top of this, I asked ex to take D8 on the day after my birthday, even though it was my birthday because I had something adult planned. His answer? "well, I'll have a 3 days weekend with her before that, so try to find someone else". I can't believe him. He can't take an extra day because he has 3 in a row with her?! If he had plans, I would understand, but what? It's too much time with his daughter? There should be no such thing especially when you have her about 35% of the time. And D8 cried ot me the other night as to why our time isn't equal. I tell her because of work, but he the truth is he doesn't want it. I can never ever tell her that. She's better when she doesn't see him often, but when she gets an extra taste, she wants more. And then my ex FIL's exGF (weird, right?) is going ot leave her husband and wants to talk to me about divorce and custody. She texts this to me today.
and yes, I do have a hard time of letting those go that I love. I still loved him, I still think he is a good guy in an awful place. And yes, I guess call it PTSD from the affair, but when a guy jumps right to the next after claiming to love me, I spin. My compassion takes over sometimes when I should just be pissed and moved on. It's just not me.
I need Jamaica to come fast!
Even with the stress, I am letting it all go today. I'm actually in a better place today. I'm not as miserable as I sound. Actually I can't stop smiling when I think about vacation!
My dad and I are better. We are much better at saying "screw it, I love you, let's not fight" now.
I don't know if it was coincidence or intuition, but out of nowhere we are on the way home from swim and the gym and she blurts out "I miss NG's daughter!" she expressed some feelings as she really wants to play with her again, is sad she wasn't invited to her birthday party, and she knows I love NG and we should have made it work. Breaks my heart. I assured her that I told NG that we wished his daughter a very happy birthday and that I am sure she wanted to invite you to her party, but given our situation she couldn't. She began to ask a lot of questions about me and NG and our R. We got out of the car, and she picked up one of those weeds you blow on and make a wish, and I could just tell what she was wishing for.
Dating with young kids is no joke. You have to be really careful.
