Rouky, as I read your post, I was thinking to myself, "now there's a woman who is gonna be just fine". In fact, you'll be great. I know it's not the direction you intended for your life, but this is what the universe has planned for you... And there's potential for things to be even better than you imagined.
I'm glad you got a house! As you begin to make it your own, I'm sure you will love it.
Have a good one!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Just reporting. Had a brilliant day at work, never been so productive :-)!. H came round to see kids. He looked in pain, so I guess no hanky panky with OW! Once more looking at him I felt no physical attraction. I know my heart is still in limbo, but for the first time in a year I didn't think about H constantly! He still hasn't mentioned the deed of separation, but no surprise there. He has always avoided important discussions.
Shame that our M had to end this way. Will he ever come back? I don't know and I don't think that, by the time he realised that yes I have my flaws but I'm not that bad, I'd want him anyway.
I'm feeling so good again today. Let's keep it up Pimouse!
Wow had an interesting TM conversation with H. He found out about my pulling out of the first house and his message was quite aggressive. I just replied by saying that if he had looked at his email, he'd have understood why I did it. Then he accused me of playing games. I think he is scared that he'll loose his house . He asked me if I had signed the papers. I ignored this and just told him that as long as he does his bits and I do mind we will be fine. Then he started to talk about the kids, to which I replied that they are being looked after. He tried to put the guilty trip on me and that's when I send him a couple of truth darts. Like he didn't really think about the kids when he put us in the situation I'm faced with now. I also added that I won't let him bully me and that it's quite funny that if thugs don't go his way he becomes aggressive and blames everyone else but himself. Strange I didn't get a reply!
I'm no longer here to save my M, I'm here to be a better me and to stand for what I believe is right for me and my kids. It looks like that if it doesn't go his way he is having a tantrum :-)!
Not my problem anymore, time to face the consequences of your actions H.
You sound strong, Rouky. Good for you for standing your ground.
My h has done the same thing. When things don't go exactly his way, he goes off the deep end and blames everyone else. He lost it when I told him that what I wanted in the D is what the state says I should get.... He went bonkers!!!! Saying he thought he knew me better than that. I'm not quick with the truth darts, but you seemed to handle it well. Keep up the good work!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Hi Rouky. Proud of you for standing up to your husband. You are fully capable of making decisions about buying a house and you do not need his approval. I saw you refer to yourself as Pimouse and it brought a smile to my face. I remember when you went by that handle! I always wondered what a Pimouse was but now I know that it is a very pretty lady who is kind, loving, passionate and intelligent. Sad for what you are going through but it always gives me strength to see your name. Have a great day Rouky!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Had a very good conversation with H and have managed to come to an agreement. He started to be aggressive and I ask him why he was like that as there was no need. Then he said I didn't trust him to which I replied could he blame me. Then he said he was aggressive because he had already this conversation with his ex and she took him to the cleaners. I validated and told him that by now he should know that I'd not do that. Did tell him few truth darts as it was appropriate. At one point he told me that I wasn't right in the head, I said I don't see why I should have given his housemate information when it wasn't his business!
Then I added that it was a shame that we didn't give us a second chance as there would still be the question what if! He went silent, then added that he has seen it with his parents. Clearly it's easier to run away than deal with issues. At another point he mentioned about buying our house, but realised what he had said and added separately. Then went to move on talking about the kids saying that they will be with their mum and dad, he paused and added separately.
As I said a good conversation. I got what I wanted. He got what he wanted. I did praised him for not introducing OW to the kids, and he said he had no intention!
All I can say is what a waste. I'm getting on with my life. Got asked to coach colleagues and just had a training day on it. I can't wait to start. A year ago I didn't have the skills that I have learnt from DB, and now I feel I can help others.
Am I still hopeful that I might save my M, after that conversation the door has just been left ajar, just enough to let a thin ray of hope. I reckon H will have a lot to do and from what he has told me he isn't prepared to do his share of the work!
Was just thinking. During our conversation on the phone, the longest in ages, he mentioned about me thinking of him as a ducking asle. This had puzzled me as why would he cares about what I think of him?
He hasn't mentioned D, just that the financial side of things to be taken care of! In two months I'll know if he files for it as he said he would. You know what I'm fine with it, I'm at peace. I feel I did my best to save my M. I'm better physically, emotionally and I can say I feel I'm no longer depressed. Don't wake up/ nor fall asleep thinking about him. I do think during the day but only when something prompts it, then I let it go.
Does anyone know about a manual/ book into men's brain? Couldn't all if us in MLC chip in and write a chapter each and get published! :-).
Anyway it's nice to vent here and to say that I'm feeling again in a good place today. I was feeling like that before the convo with H, so
Wow Rouky you are a fascinating study! Such an impressive lady considering what you have been put through. Glad to hear you talk from a standpoint of strength and determination. Have a great day and keep me in mind when you start writing that book as I want to write a chapter!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Wow what a roller coaster I'm on! I thought I was getting better but since H received deed of separation it has gone pretty nasty! Last week he put in less child maintenance money and found our yesterday on OW's FB page that he went away for his birthday! He told me he couldn't pay more because he has been off work! I challenged him and got a nasty text saying that it was none oft business what he does in his personal time. To which I reply when it involves non payment of mortgage and child maintenance it becomes my problem.
Then he threatened me with behaving towards me like he does with his first parner! I replied that it's funny that when it comes to him hearing few home truth he becomes nasty. I told him that in time I'll be happy for him if OW makes him happy. That she is beautiful and obviously get kids are old enough so she can completely focus on him and meet his needs.
I though I was doing so well, why does it hurts so much. In a couple of weeks there is his niece wedding and even if I said I'd be going I don't want as I know it's going to hurt to see her getting married while my marriage ended abruptly!
I'm sorry to hear this, Rouky. What an awful state to be in. You're in a dip, but you'll pull yourself out of it... I know you will!
When it comes to the legalities of all this, I think it angers our x's because in their warped mines, they feel the need to come out of this on top and not have that residual responsibility- especially financial responsibility. They were in a horrible m so they chose to get out of it, but when they learn that they are on the hook for stepping away... They get angry. I don't have children, but if I did, I would be fuming if their allocated funds were spent elsewhere and with OW. Ugh.
Chin up. Hugs.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
