I think the visit to the IC was a great idea and obviously gave you more insight and clarity. That's awesome. No - he didn't love you less. Nor did you love him less. its just that it is really difficult to pack up and leave your home, your familiarity, your friends, your career, your daughter's school and your support system on the hope that it would work out. When you were seeing signs that it might not. I would not have done it either.
The Israel trip sounds like an awesome opportunity. I hope you can swing it.
Mother's Day. I just saw it on the calendar this morning. Hoping mine is better than last year too. One out of 3 kids seems to remember. Ahhh… not fair to blame Ryan for that one but GEEZ.
Trying to wrap up some things here in the south today. Heading home in 8 days. Time is flying by .
Thinking of you today and remembering our fun trip in Oct.
I love love love your "little big update" T, thanks so much for posting. I've always been a big fan of yours, and your broken heart broke mine too. I wanted to shake some sense into NG, slap him around a little and make him see what is required of both parties to have a good relationship (it cannot be just one doing all the work and all the giving) and make him see what he will be missing by losing you.
But I am amazed, awed actually, by your growth and maturity because of this crap. Both for realizing that the fact that you and NG cannot give each other what you both need at this time does not mean that your love was not real. I think your IC is awesome too, and that writing him an email for closure is a great idea. And also for deciding to meet some of your own needs by joining the gym at D8's YMCA. That will be great for both of you, and I am so proud of you for making this decision.
And PS, ugh to your ex F*ing up your taxes, the big idiot, and going to Israel sounds wonderful -- you can get a certified copy of your divorce decree at the Superior Court of New Jersey Records Center -- 609-421-6100.
BArb, I hope you get all the appreciation and recognition you deserve for Mother's day. Perhaps this year it won't slide by them.....learning from last year! It really was great getting to hang out with you in FLA. I might be back down in July, but I know you will be taking care of your cottages way up north!
Cadet, Thank you. The way I look at things is so much different these days. I will slip into old patterns when I feel rejected, that's still a trigger to me. But when I get my head on straight, I can see things a little more clearly. I used to think love conquers all, but really, circumstance has to be there too. As painful as it is, we can meet someone we love and not just not be able to have them.
And good news is I called the airline and they said they would take my passport with my married name, and the photocopy of my name change. Woohoo!
I feel like I spent all my money already, and I am supposed to be going to Disney in July for a friend's 40th! I am fortunate to be a single woman with so many fun travel offers from friends, but my bank account hurts! I'll figure it out though. Israel may not work out, but if it does, then it was meant to be.
The taxes thing happened to me and Mr. Wonderful a couple of years ago, but it was my accountant's fault. He fixed it. It just took a little time. I hope you can see me laughing at the idea of your idiot XH having to spend a few hours on hold with the IRS.
(Cadet, thanks! I played hooky yesterday and didn't tell anyone. It felt super good to avoid responsibility for the day.)
Super proud of you too, Ginger. You're a good egg.
xxxooo Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hey G, write him the letter and then burn it! Personally, I don't see how sending him this letter is of any value. It's done when you say it's done not when he reads your letter. Believe it or not, he's hurting too. It's hard to give up someone wonderful especially when it's because he just can't do what it takes to have a relationship right now. I say, let him be. But that probably makes me odd man out here...c'est la vie But that's my 2 cents...and it's in Canadian so I probably owe you money now lol.
I hear what you are saying. I've thought about it. I still haven't made a decision on sending it. Actually, I was so excited to write it and send it, believing it would give me this ultimate relief, I wrote the rough draft Monday night. Every night this week I had an intention of finalizing it and sending it, but when I went to do it, I really didn't have the urge. I think it was very therapeutic for now just to write it. So, I know it's there if I ever want to send it.
A part of me wanting to send it is because I know he might be hurting and I want him to know better that I understand why he made the choice he did. OTH, he may be completely over me and not thinking about me at all, and I would feel bad if I brought any memories back.
He has lots of pictures from over the years which he enjoys looking at. We looked at a lot of them together. Even of him and his ex GF. As a part of our LD R, we went eachother lots of pics and video's (clean, I swear. When we restarted talking after the first time we ended it, he told me he deleted every pic and video he had of me. Except one video, which was his favorite, just to hear my voice. I asked him why he has kept every one of his memories from his other R's and why he erased me. he said I was different and special, and he kind of left it at that. So did I. Maybe he does need to forget me.
His daughter's birthday is less than a week. She meant a lot to me too. I may just send a text from D8 and I wishing her a HB.
I wish I wasn't having such a hard time. This is way beyond my R mourning period, lol.
Anyways, off to AC this weekend. This is a MUCH needed trip. my girls, beer and music. That will be all I am allowing on my mind this weekend!
Oh, and I am going to a psychic party tonight. maybe I will get a little insight into the future
Like the song says, breaking up is hard to do! Don't nurse him, he does not need you to say yet again you understand...it may come across as condescending as though he's the one who's lacking and you are the understanding care giver. I'd say yet again, don't send it but you know your sitch and the guy better than I do. And yes, it is good to write what you feel and need to say...but for you. Now you've done it Feeling for ya!
Well, he is soothing whatever hurt he might have had in the arms of another woman already. It only took him maybe 2 or 3 weeks to do so since we ended things. I know some details because we have a mutual friend. I found he was making some poor decisions with her. I won't get into details, but it Looks like is in def in MLC.
I'm hurt. I woke up this morning and realized I am extremely hurt and disappointed. In the end, it is a good thing I got out and did not pick up my life and move for someone who really just needs a woman filler in his life. Even with this woman he can still say (not to me) I'm the best relationship he ever had. But that isn't his desire, a good R. Just someone who can be there all the time, at his whim.
Well, this is the kick I needed to let go. This put the fear in me that I don't can't realize what is real and what is fake. I feel like what he claimed we had has been extremely devalued. But I think in my heart of hearts I did know a lot of what he said was words with no desire to act on them. Which is why I did what I did. My gut was strong on that, and my gut was sadly strong on the fact that he was probably seeing someone else already.
My gut has never ever been wrong once in my life. I'm pretty darned intuitive. It was even a part of what made me a good ICU nurse. I knew before anyone else did when a patient was about to crash. The key is not ignoring your intuition. In any situation.
It's just to let him go and what I thought we had go.
That is so hard! You felt this was such a special relationship and then he moves on like it was nothing. But, that doesn't mean it was nothing to him 'cuz some people soothe their pain by covering it with another relationship. They don't want to think about it 'cuz it's scary. Hey, it was special for you and that's what counts. I remember after I broke up with SDA Lady and a few weeks later she was on a dating site using photos I'd take of her lol. I was pissed...even though I'd ended it and she had every right to do whatever she wanted! I felt the same as you "is that all this meant to her?" A few months later when we got back together briefly she told me she'd done that to piss me off. She went out with a couple of guys but found that all she was doing was comparing them to me, "He's not funny like Whatis" "he's not smart like Whatis" "He's not handsome like Whatis" you get the drift. She decided that all she was doing was looking for another Whatis and she told me "I realized there is only one Whatis and so I stopped. I wasn't being fair to the guys" My point being you don't know why your ex bf is doing what he's doing...but it still hurts, I know. Better days ahead
Thanks Wii, it really is hard. I do know why he's doing what he's doing. I just hope he doesn't hurt anyone else, especially the kids that are involved in this. He's not a bad guy, he's just so stuck in MLC land he can't see beyond himself. She appears to be out for his money too. He just cannot be alone. It's why I kind of expected it to happen. Maybe not THIS soon.
