I do remember you! I think I was momof2girls. I need help! I am struggling and totally took a backslide this weekend when my H and I argued. We were on a carousel...He wants out and although doesn't admit OW is the problem I feel that she is. I was really good last week and said nothing and his tone was better. I lost it over the weekend. The burden of the kids and the house all on me is stressing me out.
He is going to counseling tonight but threatened to cancel it over the weekend. I said nothing and this morning he asked if I knew what time his appt was. So this tells me he was telling me he was going without "telling" me.
I am scared...I am worried...I need a good pep talk.
I think your original poster title was momof2girls and I do remember you!
You've been down this road before and you know that you can't control and/or fix him. He has to do that himself. You also can rationalize w/him concerning what he's doing and w/whom. The more you attempt to talk to him about the ow, the harder he's going to run the other way.
We all have days when the burden of raising children and taking care of a home can be stressful. Is there any way that you can ask him to watch the girls for a bit or ask a friend to watch them? Sometimes, you need a break, a change of scenery to clear your head a bit.
As for him going to counseling...good for him. What are you scared and worried about? Go back to the basics of leaving him alone, not questioning him or commenting about the ow. Keep the conversations on safe topics and see how that goes. The less you argue w/him, the better. You are just fueling his fire of justification as to why he's doing what he's doing. When he's upset about something say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and end the conversation.
It's time to put the focus back on you and your girls.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I found a very old thread of yours and bumped it up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks...to be honest, I can't believe I am here again...the past 10 years have been good. I am scared of being alone, finances, etc..
Last time he left after telling me, literally. Now he is here which tells me he wants to be. I need to give the ow (old hs gf through facebook connection) a rest. He talks to her all the time and she probably makes him feel good.
He keeps telling me he doesn't want to be married, wants a lifestyle change. So MLC. I was trying so hard but this weekend got to me. I lost it. It has been two months of a rollercoaster. He says he wants to leave but we have no extra money for that...he spent last weekend in a hotel by himself to think. There were no calls to ow. He seems so determined to get out yet hasn't thought about any of the consequences to his family. He also hasn't told anyone. I have confided in my sister and best friend but haven't told my parents.
I need to stop talking about R...I know I do. I feel like he talks to me more rudely when I push. I am just trying to wrap my head around the whole thing.
Sounds like he didn't finish up his transition/crisis the last time around. Well, you know what you need to do...that is to stop having relationship and ow talks w/him. Start putting some money aside just in case he flies the coop. You can get gift cards or put money in a safe place where he can't get his hands on it.
Yes, the more you push, the nastier he'll get towards you. Why? Because he doesn't want to hear what you have to say nor look at the things he's doing.
I'm so sorry you are back here, but he's got to finish his crisis and this time around, it could be far worse than the last time. Prepare yourself for the worse and hope for the best and buckle up because the ride may get bumpier than last time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
UGH...that just made me sick! right now money is tight and I control it all. He told me the only reason he was going to counseling was for me...I know H...he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do. If he didn't want to go to counseling then he wouldn't. Trust me.
Same with leaving. We have a 5K mexican vacation planned for Aug and he still hasn't told me definitively to cancel it.
Give me strength. I am not happy to be back here but I am so grateful for the kindness and support.
Well, if I were in your shoes, I would still go on the Mexican vacation if he cancels out. You could always ask a family member or a friend to go along w/you. I certainly wouldn't allow him to ruin my vacation just because he can't get himself together.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't feel comfortable taking my kids out of the country by myself. The resort is beautiful...we were just there in Aug celebrating our 15th anniversary (sigh...)...
Interesting...he called me from work to tell me counselor was running 15 min late and he wouldn't be home till after 7 and he checked on how the kids were. He hasn't done that in weeks!!!
I was upset with him on Sat for coming home from golf late without calling...I let him know it...maybe he heard me?
Thank you for finding my old posts. I read the whole thing and I am definitely an older, wiser, stronger woman this time around. Let's hope counseling helps him tonight.
I need a new counselor, I think...last week she told me to kick him out.
Give me patience... H said nothing about counseling. I know I need to respect that. He came home, ate and went to the gym. I know snooping is wrong and only hurting me but I looked at our phone records and he called OW on the way to the gym.
My insecure self goes to him sharing everything with her. He came home we talked about nebulous things and I went to bed. This morning he wasn't rude, said goodbye to daughters and left.
He has a meeting tonight and said "I'll be home when I am home"...I said OK. This is huge for me because usually I say "what time do you think?"...
The last frustrating thing was our cleaning lady comes today and I asked him if everything was picked up in our room. He said yes . I walked in and he had clothes on the bureau and dirty clothes on the floor. I had to pick them up...I am not paying for a cleaning person who cleans around dirty clothes. my initial reaction was to text him and tell him but I didn't.
