Hmmm, I wonder this a lot with my H too Rouky. As you say, who knows. I don't think we'll ever be able to understand what makes a MLCer tick!
My H still does 'looking after me' things like that too yet he clearly doesn't see it as a sign that he cares for me. I have looked back at a lot of things from years ago that didn't register at the time but now I see that H is a very controlling person. So maybe he does the things he does as a way of controlling me. Maybe your H is the same? Either way, it seems they can't totally let go.
Hi Rouky! How is the world's sexiest little French girl? I am thinking about you this morning and I hope that you are having a fun weekend. I haven't heard much about your GAL activities and I hope that you are still doing a few of them. How is your family? Are your daughters doing well in school? Is the weather getting nice there yet? Are you hearing the birds sing to you? They are there to tell you how special you are and to inform you of the blessing that you are to so many of us. Be strong Ma Cheri! Mark
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Hi Shotgun, I had a brilliant day yesterday but not so good today, so it equals itself :-). My GAL is none existent as I'm trapped for cash since I went for legal separation. I prefer to spend the few monies I have left on my kids than me as they need to feel that they still can be able to get a life!. My contact with H is to the minimum, and I'm slowly starting to realise that none of this is my fault. I still love H, but I think it's the one I married not the one he has became!. I think I want him because I'm afraid of being unattractive and not fun. I don't know how to let my head down, laugh and appreciate life.
My job is mainly female orientated, so I don't get much of a change to meet opposite sex. Going out is difficult as the cost is mounting, and I don't want H to babysit because last time I asked him to, he later threw it back at my face that it was convenient for me to ask him to look after his own kids!
I'm plodding along with my life.It's not as happy I'd like to but it definitively as bad as I thought it'd be a year ago. I though my life was over, it isn't as it's taking me on a different road. Can't say I'm ovr the moon by this new direction, but I have to make the best of it.
OK Rouky I'm glad you responded. Very noble of you to spend your extra cash on the kids but I want to tell you what my sister says; "Put your own oxygen mask on first". If you have ever flown you will get that. You have to be able to save yourself in order to save your children. I'm also glad to hear you say that this isn't your fault. It isn't and part of your putting your life back together is realizing that you are a special person and deserving of being treated as such. God Bless you for trying so hard to save your marriage but I think the DB principles are about saving yourself as well. Try to find a few minutes for yourself dear and get yourself out there. Maybe go to the gym or a football match or something that has a bunch of testosterone floating around. Give some guys a chance to check you out and maybe flirt a little. I am here for you as always and praying that you smile a little tomorrow. Bonsoir Rouky!
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
I have been off as got family round. The kids and I had a great time, despite being very sad when they left. I'm very family orientated and it broke my heart to see them go but they don't live near me and I'm grateful to have seen them. I was close to my siblings but what happened to me as even brought us closer. H was a no show this week: well at the beginning of the week he says he couldn't come to see kids because he was injured and couldn't drive ( despite me finding out that the previous day he went to play for his hobby team!). Then in the middle of the week said he couldn't come because of his injury and asked me if I wanted to live it for this day ( I just replied that I couldn't drop the kids, but he was more than welcome to come, and guess what ni reply, no show!). Then today was his birthday, so got the kids to call him, he was very cold on the phone . Tonight was doing a training when he came to pick them up so couldn't speak to him. Then when he dropped them (I had guests at the time), I felt he was very rude as he ignored the guests! I guess someone was in fawl mood! It doesn't matter because I guess OW would have taken care of him today!
It still hurts to be in this situation, but if he can treat me like that after 12 years together I think I'm better off without him.
Bonjour Rouky! I'm happy for you having had family to see you. It's interesting that you have gotten closer to your siblings. The last year has made my siblings and I very close! We have a group text that we all use to check on one another and cheer each other and offer compassion. Reading your post caused me to send out a Good Day to them.
Not surprised at your fool of a husband acting like a clown. Sounds like he is still deeply lost in the fog. You have no power to turn the light on for him so please don't drive yourself crazy trying to. As for him being too injured to see his kids, I would have to be in the hospital to not go see my children. Maybe there will be a point in his life where he gets it together but who knows?
I hope you are getting a handle on your finances and are able to do a couple of fun things each week. Crappy weather here so not getting to enjoy nature the way I wish but hopefully it is nicer there. Take care of yourself Rouky and stay the beautiful person that you are! Mark
M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
Is this detachment? Did a bit of tidying up today, saw photos of H and I when we first met and felt literally nothing. I have come to realise that H isn't in a fog but clearly aware of what he does and instead of manning up ( sorry for spelling mistake) he has preferred the coward way and put the guilt on me for kicking him out.
H got given the deed of separation on Friday but hasn't mention it to me. He has always been a conflict avoider and when we got into a conflict (2 in total: one on the discovery of the A, the other one when he turned up with her necklace) he would get verbally aggressive. So don't know what he is going to do. I guess he has no choice as I haven't sign my agreement for approving the sale of the house.
I'm also reading the newcomers blog, and when I read their stories I'm sad for them but I'm not hurt inside like I was a couple of weeks ago. I have also realised that some of us are here for the second time round, and I'm not sure I want to chance that. Now I'm not attracted to H, I'm still hurt about how things have been done. If he was that unhappy he could have simply left (like he did with his first partner and first child), but instead chose to involve a third person! Oh well not much I can do about it.
GAL is on standby as really haven't got the money to go out, but I'm fine with it as got loads of work to do and I'm starting to clear things in the house for my move. Talking about moving, I had this nagging feeling for a while now about the house I'm about to buy. I had a survey done and it didn't come out good. Was paying full price for the sale but there were a lot of things that needed to be repaired enhance costing me more than what I wanted/ could afford to spend, so I pulled out. I feel bad for the vendor, on the other hand I have always shhh my inner voice in every kind of situation, and ended up hurt or unhappy. So this time I listened to it. I know from the beginning that it's have been a temporary accommodation, so for me to feel this way clearly indicates that it wasn't the right property for me.
I have put an offer on another house ( not where I wanted, but you have to make some compromises anyhow), it got accepted and I'm feeling way more comfortable with that choice. The only work I'll have to do is cosmetic (blue ain't my favourite colour, despite me being a water sign baby :-)!), so I'm happy to do some painting! I can see myself in this house for the long run.
In general I'm feeling good. I won't say exuberantly happy but content with my life at the moment. I have accepted that my M is over. I do know that it can't be saved. I do know H isn't in a fog and was looking for a way out that wouldn't put him in a bad light like if he was to walk away from his children again. I know I'm not ready for a relationship. Dating would be nice, although I think I need to go out more :-)!
So what am I doing? I'm working on myself spiritually. I'm working on stopping all those negatives thoughts I have about myself ( responsible for H's A, being worthless, not a good mother and the list goes on!), and it's really hard as I have been conditioned for the 40 years to feel worthless. Each step at a time. I know I'm going to get there slowly but surely.
And the last of all, I'd like to send a huge hug and deep gratitude to everyone here did their support, honest truth darts and reading my long poem about my life. Without you guys, I'll still feel sorry for myself instead of being the actress of my life. I don't know what the future holds but I do know that you saved me. So thank you once more to you all. A big special thank to you my dear Shotgun as I wouldn't have made it through without your encouragement :-).
