Hey G, breakups are never easy...even when you're the one ending it. It's encouraging to hear you say that his path is not wrong but it's not for you. Good thoughts. You're sticking to what you need and that's damn healthy. Hang in there, with this kind of self respect you're sure to find someone who adores it
Thank Wii, you hit on something big for me that made me cry. (I've been doing a lot of that lately, my contacts hate me for it.)
I realize I have never exercised self-respect in any of my romantic relationships. Not with ex, (that was the least respectful of them all, I still look back and cringe on how disrespectful I was to myself from the moment we started dating, even before, until after he left). I did not respect myself in any of my other half relationships either. History repeats itself, I give, they take, when I need a little more, they go. But I try to hold on for dear life. I did a little on this one, but there was an option to take only what he was willing to give, and I decided not to, like the other ones.
This time, I respected myself early on and let go of someone I cared for dearly. That is also a part of why I couldn't go on without a level of commitment and effort. I cared very deeply for him and I would only become resentful over time if I let my needs go unmet. No one can respect me unless I respect myself.
Today is 8 years from the bomb. 8 YEARS. The 8 years is only tough because as usual, I'm not quite where I want to be. But I am leaps and bounds from where I was. This day, 8 years ago, changed everything. Changed my adulthood. My parenting. Everything. I also noticed that all my relationships end in march. This would be the 3rd, lol. March isn't my month. But hey, maybe things come to an end and its time for new beginnings. Like the beginning of spring! yeah, that's as corny as I get.
I've got IC tonight and it's the first since it was totally over. I actually can't wait. I'll cry, she will listen and encourage me and help me move on. My IC is a gem, and I always walk out feeling better, maybe even a little empowered.
Cry away...I wish I could do that sometimes! Looking after yourself isn't easy but, in the long run, it's easier than the alternative It's hard when you care for someone and have to let them go...I was there. I was with SDA lady for well over a year and realized that where it was going was somewhere I didn't want to go and it wasn't a healthy place for either of us to be. So I ended it and felt horrible 'cuz I knew I hurt her badly...she didn't understand. Recently I saw her on POF and I had a brief thought "what if..." but then I asked myself "do you really think she's changed in any way?" and in all honesty, I had to say no. So, I changed my search settings and problem solved lol. I hope she finds the love she longs for but it's not gonna be me (not saying she'd even want me again!). My marriage ended 8 years ago too...I just realized that recently. It's OK to be alone, much of the time I quite like it. Sometimes I think it would be just too much energy to start over again. But, that's today...tomorrow who knows Hang in there G, you've put your strong foot forward and that's never a mistake.
I remember you going through that WII. You also made the right choice for yourself, and you knew inside when it was time to let go. You missed her and grieved for her which is also healthy.
Saw IC last night and she also believes what I did was a very emotionally healthy thing. She said even the time when I remained cautiously and hopefully optimistic despite the issues was healthy.
I like that I am finally somewhat emotionally healthy. Even if things don't turn out the way I hope, I've got my health, lol!
truth be told, I have not smiled in since we broke up. I cracked one yesterday though when I got a text from someone who told me to smile
I shed some tears on the way to work, but it's all the radio's fault, because it knows how to play the wrong song at the wrong time. But for today, I am just smiling and saying something kind ot everyone I come into contact with today. It helps.
So much to be grateful for. I do have happiness in my life. I just have to work though the sadness so I can see feel it again.
I did fight very hard for myself, and I will not be giving myself away to anyone who doesn't recognize the value in that.
people think I should be getting back in the dating game now. If an opportunity presented itself, I certainly wouldn't reject it. But he's still got a piece of my heart, and I don't like to give it to one guy to another, I like to take it back for a little while first. And online dating is not something for me until I am really into dating. Which I am not. That takes a certain level of energy and dedication and I need to dedicate elsewhere right now.
Why do people always say that sh*t! I guess they see you hurting and want you not to hurt so they say "hey, get back in the saddle". Personally, I think you take some time to digest this and see what you can learn...it's also emotionally exhausting. You don't want to get out there and find you don't have much to give at this point. Take your time. That's my 2 cents.
