That sounds awful - are you still considering moving into your mom's place? Would you feel comfortable setting the boundary of H calling you first before he came over? If he is willing to abide by the simple boundary, problem would be solved. That is very tricky and I am sorry you have to go through that. That makes it even more impressive that you are DB'ing so well. If my H was in and out of my house that would make it so much tougher….
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Things like this can be difficult but I see that he is cake eating big time. Everything you talk about seems like it's him that dictates the terms. Where he will see the kids and such. He forfeited those privileges when he abandoned his family. Red, that is what he has done even in the eyes of the law. He has abandoned his family. Legally, once you do that you forfeit your family rights/privileges. He can visit the kids at YOUR discretion. You did not abandon them. He did. He can come inside YOUR house only with YOUR permission. He chose to abandon the home. He has no more rights to enter and exit as he sees fit. A lawyer will tell you all of this. I kind of enjoyed sharing this exact information with my wife when she abandoned our family home. She learned really quick that her actions came with consequences. She had to call and ask before she could come to the house even though she was still contributing to paying the mortgage. Why? Because legally she abandoned the home.
As for the conflict about where/when he has the kids. That's at YOUR discretion because you did not abandon them. He may not even know this but in the eyes of the court, he abandoned his children and subsequently forfeited his parental right to make decisions on their behalf. If you went before a judge today he/she would declare that you have custody of the children and he must arrange visits with them at your discretion. That's how it works. Something wayward spouses don't think about when they're getting their kicks.
You did nothing wrong. You're home being a good mother. You did not abandon anything. Not the marriage, the house, or the kids. Stand up for your rights. Be strong. He'll respect that. He does not get to dictate anything anymore. He, of his own free will, forfeited that right.
Well, it seems reasonable to me that as soon as he has better living arrangements, the current 'visit them here' deal is off. It sounds as though he could take them to his new place (if friend is happy, or is out) to his parents, or take them out somewhere. You could always let him know that having him there visiting with the kids in your home isn't working for you and He'll need to make other arrangements. And (frankly) what other arrangements he chooses to make are up to him and needn't concern you as long as the kids are safe and well looked after.
JMHO of course, but I don't think there's any need to let him have things every which way he wants at the expense of your convenience and wellbeing?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
