Here is how 2 days off would work day 1(first day off)- come home and sleep for 6 hours then be up from maybe 12-1pm until 10pm then sleep all night. Day 2 up at 8 am go to bed at 10 pm sleep all night Day 3(back to work)- up until noon sleep noon until work time.
Looking over my calendar he usually keeps them 80% on his First day off so that way his next FULL day and night and next morning is free.
I think it is an attempt to control him which he may see through which really is not detaching. It could blow up on you but I also think that you certainly deserve good days off.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Try to keep in mind that it is 50/50 - half weekends for you, half for him. Do not think about using it because OW. It really does not make any sense. Any day is a day for OW really.
That is not important now, your kids mental health is important and your own time to have a decent life is important too.
It's not about him and what he does with his time. Try to be fair and he will also see it. He has a person that is willing to destroy a family, cheat on her best friend. One day this will all play big time inside of his potato head.
Be honest and caring, I am sure he will think about this. You are not needy, not make an issue out of proportion, not interested in ruining his life. Be generous. What you give today will come back to you tomorrow.
Be patient...have patience... learn patience...
It will take some time for him to see all this, to see all what he did and is doing. You know already that his family will respect what he is doing just because he is an adult. But they do not agree with it.
He knows you do not want this but you will respect his mistakes.
At some point, their R will start to rotten, I have that almost at 100% sure. Let that play alone while you get better, more confident, more independent, happier.
That confidence that is building inside of you, will be the 1st thing that will attract him. Don't be available, he scares, mysterious. Let time work on your M right now.
Don't give him any reason to blame you for his life being a hell. Let him and the scum bag live hell by themselves and one day you will see the wet dog stand right before you feeling all remorseful.
Believe and wait. Be clean in your heart. Do what is best for your kids and yourself and respect your H's space.
Yeah you are right Tim. Hmmmm I don't know what days to pick for a schedule.One week is like wed, thurs off and the next is monday, tuesday, friday,saturday,sunday unless he works overtime. I will have to think about it. Maybe FOR NOW I will just stick with the way we do it now which is he will tell me his available days and we choose which days we want right then on the phone or text. Like he knew I had a bridal shower Saturday morning, so he is keeping them Saturday night this weekend.
Pink- You are right. I am going to really THINK about what would be BEST for the kids. Right now I am thinking maybe if one week he has them wednesday the NEXT time he has wednesday and thursday off he keeps them on thursday. Something. Old me would go out of my way to ruin his days off. New awesome db me will just suck it up and do what is right for my babies.
Red, It's not suck up. You do what is best for you too, and for your kids. The part of being fair is that one of these days he will realize what he is losing.
I am sure during the M you did some not so nice things (as I did many) and he did too. The new your is not trying to get back on him, no revenge, passive aggression, resentment. I know you have all the reasons to feel this way, but it is not the way to make your H realize his best place is home with his wife and kids.
If you want him back and is willing to change, then start on things that you can change... Just let go. Live for YOU.
He comes in and makes himself at home? Lays on your bed? Oh heck no. He CHOSE to move in with OW. He LOST his privileges to the family home. Legally he has abandoned the family home. He has ZERO right to do any of these things that he did today. YOU have to establish boundaries and hold him accountable. He's got the run of your place and his OW on the side. No incentive for him to man up and be a decent human being. You're now enabling his A. Please don't do that to yourself. You deserve better. He has to call/ask before he comes to YOUR house and when he does you meet him at the door and ask him what he wants. If it's some clothes, or whatever, you tell him to wait there, YOU go get them, hand them to him at the porch and ask him if that's it. If it is then tell him you need to go take care of YOUR family and close the door.
Do that and you might save your marriage (if you still want to, I wouldn't).
I agree with TX and I think it's reasonable to 'call him' on this. For example - you could calmly say something like - Hey, what happened yesterday - you coming into the house & falling asleep on the bed - that doesn't work for me. This isn't your home anymore and I'll ask you to please respect that in future.
To me that would be enough to put down a firm and pleasant marker with him.
Hope this helps....and it sounds as though you are generally doing well in your interactions with him - well done
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
The only problem I have with this is we still TECHNICALLY share the house. He still is here when he has the kids overnights. He can't take them to the OW house because she just rents a room and he can't take them full time to his parents because I don't know why. So if it's his night with the kids I leave and go to my moms or a friends and he stays here in my room. He still has 50% of his stuff in there.
I really REALLY REALLY hate the situation. Even in April when he moves into his friends to house sit the house. He will have a 3 bedroom 2 bath huge furnished house but he doesn't even want to take the kids there because it's not "his house" but his friends.
THIS is one of my BIGGEST problems that I don't know how to deal with.
The house is only in his name EVERY bill is in HIS name He pays for EVERYTHING in the house He gives me gas/food money Almost everything in the house is his 50% of his stuff(clothing) is here etc including half his work uniforms and back up gear
SO I can't change the locks(I can get in trouble for that.) That I can't kick him out when it's his, and he pays for everything. The house is a premarital asset so all the L's said I have no say or claim on the house as well so..That is my living situation.
