CWOL & Broke I totally understand where you are coming from. And part of me agrees with you. But I still have to keep a positive attitude. When I worry I think about the look on my little boy and little girls face and I strive everyday to make sure I give it a full commitment for them. If it doesn't work out I will know I gave it 100%.
Agree 100%….one of my patterns that I finally figured out when I started posting on this board was I always went running to my H after my kids fell apart talking about the D. I realize now that was pushing H further away and I can't control him anyway. So, I stopped doing that the day I started on this board. But, you are right, it is very important to be able to look yourself and your children in the eye and know your tried everything you could to save your family and marriage.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I agree with both of you. What that stat also does not show is whether they gave up too soon, what happened after the D (did they find someone they were happier with or even get back with WAS), and what about the ones that actually walk away from their threads? Sorry but I have to have some hope but no expectations. I will have hope until I decide enough is enough and it just isn't healthy for me to keep holding on.
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
That would be a good PhD thesis, analyzing outcomes... But I think the main theme on this forum is that the posters eventually get divorced, but they are sufficiently detached that they feel they are in a better place psychologically than when they first come on, fighting for their marriage. Kinda like in Buddhism when you achieve enlightenment right before you die...??? Bittersweet endings....
Me-LBH, 48 Spouse-WW, 48 Married for 19 years Son, 12 BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding) BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA) WW filed D February 2016 WW moved out April 2016
I wasn't the one that wanted the D and I was the first one to go get a consultation. Keep DB'ing. Not to say it doesn't make you feel less optimistic, but keep to your strategy of detaching and GAL'ing. Mostly for yourself but standing for your marriage at the same time
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Ok now I'm confused. The W says that she called a divorce attorney today because this week she's really felt free and happy since I haven't been "bothering" her. So me detaching has made her feel happy being alone?
Think of it like a vacation: When you first go somewhere, Its awesome. You're thrilled to be free from all of the responsibility and burdens of home life. It's a good time. After a few days, that starts to wear off. Its still fun but you start to miss your own bed. By the end of the trip, you're ready to go home to the familiar.
Don't believe what she's telling you. She's not even sure what she's telling you at this point.
M:26 H:32 T:8yrs ILYBNILWY/ "I'm not happy": 2/6/16 D-Day-discovered PA/EA: 2/10/16 Separated: 2/14/16 He's living with OW I moved to different state: 06/16 Currently: Trying to move forward
Quick update: Today my 6 year old says "Daddy mommy broke your heart, is that why you are moving to a new house?" Mind you I've never said anything to the kids about us but when I melted I to my W. She said she told him last week we were getting a divorce. Then W says I'm moving foreword with a divorce I've never trusted you from the day we met (15 years ago). My sons crying saying "daddy don't go to another house we are family we stay together" it doesn't even phase her. Wtf
