Thank you 1313. I'm really confused, you guys/gals are going to think I'm making this up but she says she's done but still tries to kiss me she's still wearing her ring and still telling me she loves me. I'm so glad I found this site. Thank you all
You're going to have to learn to detach. This is hard but you have to understand that you can't fix her. She's going to have to fix herself and decide what she wants. What YOU have to do is work on YOU. You are certainly not blameless in how your M ended up in this situation. None of us are. So fix those areas where you have been deficient. Not because you want to win her back. Not because its what she wants. Fix those things because its what YOU need to do to be a better person and father. Be the man that she would be a fool to leave. Your M is salvageable but only if you do the things you need to do to become a better person. She WILL notice.
Me: 48 y/o W: 47 y/o Together: > 20 yrs BD: Dec '15, then S 2nd BD: Mar '16, then I filed for D April '16: started piecing
My H did the same thing at the beginning. Would tell me we were on the path to divorce but then kiss me goodbye everyday. I only wish I would've found this site back then. Stick to the DB'ing plan….the posts from LiM and 1313 are right on. Read Sandi's rules and start detaching. I am hopeful for you that you are DB'ing early and can get the help you need before you make all the mistakes I did :-).
Keep posting and good luck!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Thanks all. I can't believe how in just one day I've seen a small change in her. When I left the house this morning she says "bye babe have a good day I love you". And gave me a kiss. How do I politely not kiss her or say I love you back? Or should I do it if she initiates it?
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
It is easy to be confused when you have so many emotions and thoughts along with mixed signals going through your head!
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial, especially regarding how to handle the family vacation. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Thanks all. I'm doing my first phone coaching session tonight. I'm interested to see how it will go. The W has been more vocal with me still saying I love you and kissing me when she leaves the house. I'm holding steady detaching myself. I think she is starting to take notice. However she did mention to me on Monday night that she doesn't think she could ever have sex with me again because she doesn't feel a connection. But then gives me a kiss and says she loves me when she leaves for work. (She works nights). I thinks she's really confused with what she wants.
IMHO, I think it is good that she is confused. It gives me hope for you and your W. I hope the coaching helps - I would definitely ask how to handle the kissing and "I love you", how detaching would work with that. Seems like a fine line.
When I asked my H why he was still kissing me goodbye, he said he was just being polite….of course, that was before he moved out and filed. But, I told him not to bother anymore.
I hope you get some direction tonight with the coaching! Keep us posted!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I know and realize every Sitch is different but I'm just curious on the people that had a successful turn around from the spouse when detaching. How long did it take? I gotta be honest one day feels like a lifetime.
