Rednail: Dropping the rope

[JksD]

Hi Rednail,
I second what tx said. You're young and you have a great life ahead of you. You know that should you ever be free again, there will be no lack of suitors and opportunities.

So right now, you're standing for your M because you want to, not because you have to. This makes you a really strong woman cuz walking would have been the easier thing to do.

Every time you feel down, remember this and be convinced of your worth and strength.

[Squiggy]

Amen to the age thing, Tx.

Red - Got some homework for ya. Will only take about 23 minutes Look up a Ted Talk called Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are. Start practicing that every single time WH is in front of you. It'll start giving you more strength and confidence in situations like that.

As per the late at night questions and wonderings, they won't go away either for a while or until you truly, truly detach. The best you can do is refocus.

Listen to your friends. You are a beautiful woman. I don't even need to see the exterior to know that. Time to start believing them.

[Rednail]

Thank you guys. I know everyone says I'm young,beautiful, smart in school, I have 2 part time jobs now I have only told you guys about. I'm really trying. I just need to start believing it myself!

In my head I just find it pathetic to be a single divorced mom of 2 at 24. To me that just sounds..sad. Like really sad. I know I need to get over feeling like this though. Feeling ashamed lf myself and my situation.

Squiggy I will look it up and start practicing asap. I'll post later after I have time to look it up!

[Thornton]

Hey Red,

Divorce is so common these days. Don't beat yourself up because your H is a jackass. It's not your fault he decided to have an affair.

It's a character flaw in him. Nothing you can do about it.

Keep bettering yourself, you are doing a good job!

[TimR]

Hey Reds there are a lot of single moms out there. Young too. Look at my story I married one and in MHO have been the only father those boys ever really have known, to the point I would sacrifice myself and my happiness to be with them! There are us guys out there. Make sure when you meet one us that you appreciate that we may have our scars but we will love you and your kids with every fiber of our being!

Wish you the best Reds!

[Rednail]

Thank you guys for making me feel better. Sometimes I worry I'm just going to end up alone forever because I am young with kids.

Probably is why I haven't walked away yet is because I'm honestly scared to date and having to meet men and having to have more heart aches. I worry if they will ever accept or love my kids. My ex stsp dad hated us and was awful. My mom ended up divorcing him but I worry about that. He told us he did't like us. I don't want my kids to have that.

Squiggy I watched the video..totally changed how I want to come off to people. I pretty much live in non power pose 24-7 and I'm going to try to change that. Power pose myself a few times a day and everytime my wah is around.

[Rednail]

I would love to meet a man like squiggy, thornton,or tim. I just have to tell myself that you guys are really out there and not just the jerks or aholes who tend to flock to me.

[Squiggy]

That video is amazing. There's a reason it's on their top talk playlist. You power pose the hell out of everyone with wild abandon until you believe it.

Once again not telling you to not stand for the M, but offering up some perspective/knowledge/hope. You are concerned about the possibility of moving forward into another relationship in the future. Scary stuff there. Had the same thoughts last year.

The only real impact about you potentially being divorced with children is that your selection pool will narrow some. You'll simply be more discerning with your choices of who to date, because it will go through the lens of who will be good and caring to your kiddos.

This isn't the Victorian era where you're a failed, old spinster, ya know.

[TimR]

I am sooooo jumping the gun on this and you have more work to do yet Reds but....

This is going to sound a little weird but I read an article once that explained it better than I will. If you are a single mom or just single and want to find out what type of father a man would be 1. see if he has pets, mainly dogs because they are more needy than cats (btw I would stay away from guys with alternative pets like snakes). 2. observe his interaction with his pets, does he hit or scream at them, show them love, ignore them.

The article went on to explain that seeing a mans nurturing side can be observed in his interactions with his pets and their interaction with him. When me an my WW started dating she hated any other guy except me. She would follow the kids around or WW. When I would come over she would sit and play with me and ignore them.

Also and I am assuming you already know this but don't just introduce guys to your kids. No at home Netflix and chill dates. Make sure you are VERY serious about the guy before you introduce them. Then it should be as friends. You and he are friends not BF/GF. Until they get used to him.

[1313]

I would love to meet a man like squiggy, thornton,or tim. I just have to tell myself that you guys are really out there and not just the jerks or aholes who tend to flock to me.

Speaking as a guy, I'll let you in on a non-secret. A lot of the really great guys might not have the self-confidence or self-esteem to say something. It's like when you're at a party or something, and you see a knock-out gal, great personality - you'd really like to meet her or say something.

But you don't. However, it's always the jerks and a-holes that have no problem saying something. It's not that you attract that sort - it's that often these types have no problems asserting themselves. All the jerks I know seem to have no problem finding dates - and having relationships. Lots of 'em.

I always wonder about these beautiful women - and what they see in these clowns. I suppose it's really that their self-esteem is as bad as the guys that were too afraid to ask. There's a lot of us blowing it out there.

And just know that there are plenty of great guys out there who could care less about you having 2 kids. They might have 2 of their own - or none at all. It's going to be you that make the difference.

And 24? Good grief. I didn't start dating my W until 23, and got married at 28. I've got socks older than you are. Heck, There are LP's I haven't played for that long (seriously). Oh, an LP is a flat, black vinyl thing you put on a... oh, nevermind.

My only advice - as pathetic as it is - is to worry about your children first and foremost. Don't feel pressured to find somebody. IMHO that can only work to your detriment. The right guy will literally drop in your lap when you least suspect it, but when you and your kids need it the most.

Look at TimR here on the forum, he's more worried about the welfare of his step sons than his WW - by a long-shot. You too will find someone - or they will find you - and care not just about you, but your children.