Thank you guys for always bringing me up. I was having a very hard day. I need to stop snooping and trying to figure out what they Are doing.
He FINALLY asked about the kids but it was annoying more then anything. Give the babies a hug for me. I said ok One hour later.
How are they? One hour later. I said they are good little busy bees.
They are 3&5 they are always on the go.
An hour later..What did They do today?
I just ignored that One. I feel like he has to hide that he talks to me even if it is about the kids and sometimes lately he just will ignore or say nothing. Plus I didn't know how to answer what they did without him knowing my whole day of what I did.
I know I need to keep it together, not blow up and snap.
Thank you guys for always keeping me grounded while everyone around me tells me everyday that I'm an idiot for not leaving already.
My one friend calls me garlic bread to ne cute because I'm the ultimate side dish.
I ended up going out laat night. Applebees half off apps and 2 for 1 drinks. It was nice and relaxing with my sister and her friends.
Today is going to be my hard day. First 2 days without my kids. The longest he has ever had them is like 1-3pm until 10-2pm maybe 24 hours.
Today I have no idea when he is back from his getaway but he will get them today until Monday afternoon.
Today they will spend the night at his parents with him( that means they will feed them, bathe them, put them to bed while he watches tv since that how it always is.) Then he has fishing plans so nana will wake up, feed them, babysit all morning while he is gone.
My plans are today: bachelorette party at my moms. Dinner plans with a girlfriend. Sunday breakfast meeting with a boss, friend day date, maybe night plans
I have been catching up on your situation. I love the comment about the Garlic Bread. I have to use that one
As for your situation it is complicated. IMHO. You 2 do not have a long history of good/bad to reminisce in those quiet moments alone of sanity.
He has shut the door on you and when a man moves out he really does not value what he is leaving behind. Those text messages about the kids and any act of kindness he may show are just that. Kindness to justify his actions. For him to feel good about himself.
You both have had children at a very early age and the MLC you refer to at that age is called Matureness and Responsability Acceptness. You are the anchor keeping his feet on the ground when he wants to be Peter Pan. You are fighting a losing battle. Let go.
For us more "mature" guys we value a strong woman who tells it like it is and with whom we can share our lives with. In other words someone who has our back. Your H is not at that stage yet. He is still growing up and needs that moment of independance to take the next step. With the way things are going it will not be for a long time.
The question is are you prepared wait? Is it worth waiting? Do you want someone who when faced with adversities will dig out or dig in?
I think (and I know it is not what is preached here) that you should call it a day in your head. Start living your life. Treat your R as it really is. Over.
Work on any issues and faults you may have discovered about yourself but sure as hell make sure he works damn hard on his if he ever comes knocking on your door.
Sometimes you will read about being the best you can be, bla bla bla and sometimes yes you do have faults but enough to be called out on a M? Sometimes we have to accept whatever faults we may have the issue is with the enemy and they have to work on it not us.
Coming to this site has made me see I have issues to deal with relationship wise and has helped me to understand relations and their dynamics. It has helped me to understand that many times I was not a goody boy as often as I thought and so I decided to change. But it also opened my eyes as to who was infront of me. A human being with feelings, faults, virtues, etc. We sometimes look at our partners as an extension, like a car, an appliance and take it for granted.
Once I saw my W as a person and treated her like a woman (not a wife) I began to see my W again. She began to confide in me.
It also (and here is where I am getting at) made me see her faults as faults and with the help here learn how to address them. Differently than before. I had to let go to get her back. I had to throw her stuff out of the MBR for her to put my things in. I had to tell her to leave for her to want to stay. I had to close the door of the MBR for her to knock to come in.
I had to start GAL for her to want to be in mine. All of this was through working on myself to accept that whatever I did I had to do for me and accept that there were no assurances.
She practically hated me at first and whilst she doesnt love me like in the movies as we are still piecing all her plans are together and sometimes she says she misses me when i am away.
As you can see Red you need to cut ties, focus on yourself, not on being a geater mother. If you like gardening, sometimes because you have more time, pouring more water or focusing more on the plants does not make them grow faster. Everything needs its own time. You need time to heal, he needs time to grow.
What you have to ask yourself is what are you going to be doing in the meantime?
My take is very different on this, and I am very proud of you.
I think your subconscious is being very clever indeed, it has absorbed the concept of spell breaker and is giving you small intermittent spell breaks when it feels safe. That is when you have support.
- I doubt if it is any surprise that WH is living with OW, despite his gaslighting and smoke and mirrors.
- you know WH sacked you as his W
- any shock that those having PAs have trysts?
- your WH treatment of you goes back to the start of your R
- you recognise sweet cycles
- OW is pond scum and very nasty
- WH will eventually complete the cycle of Limmerance, devaluation and discard with OW and move on to OW2 or try to recycle you
- this is Intel not snooping ok? Snooping would be digging researching to find the hotel, time of arrival, what they had for dinner, how many times they picked each other's noses. This is proof for your L that WH is in an A, you have a witness and heresay from the stall replacement. All good INTEL.
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Yet a further way to detatch.
So well done to Reds subconscious, for the reality check.
Now if you want you can truth dart!
Excellent
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Whatever action he has towards to you with kindness and love will be for him not you. He must ease his conscience.
I will for the life of me never understand partners who continue to have tender moments knowing full well they are with a full blown WS. I know they think they can love them back but in all honesty they dont.
Right after will come the erratic behaviour when they have to find an excuse to justify leaving the S and will go for a confrontation to make you look the bad guy.
The more you give in to his whims the lower his respect of you and the more you will be his pillow when he has a bad moment with OW. Which he will.
As for truth darts I would be weary when to use them. I use them when someone tries arrogantly to step over a line and needs a gentle shove back into reality.
Think that everytime he touches, hugs or tries to kiss you he has done that to someone else recently and will do so again soon after. If after that you still give in, know that he has left respect for you than you do.
Hi Red, So sorry - I hate to see that. You seemed so up, and just 8 hours later it all seems to go in the dumper.
I don't know why these things (room key) almost seem to come and fly into one's face out of the clear blue right when things seem to be turning around.
There must be a reason.
Originally Posted By: Rednail
My one friend calls me garlic bread to be cute because I'm the ultimate side dish.
Hmm, you could break that down to mean lots of things. Garlic: spicy, hot, good for your heart, wards off vampires? Butter: rich, creamy, smooth, mild, good with everything. Bread: Hot, crispy, soft, fluffy, chewy, filling, staff of life.
Of course with good garlic bread, the main course usually winds up being the side dish, doesn't it? And, everybody likes
I know that my W has gotten a room at the Hard Rock hotel in Palm Springs before she goes off to her High School reunion get-together in AZ. They're all staying in a house together, but she probably couldn't stand the thought and got a room so they could have a little together time before they went and pretended they were only friends.
She's almost 60, and going to the Hard Rock hotel. That in and of itself is pretty darned sad.
I dare say although they seem happy, and are doing things we wish they would do with us, both my W and your H are miserable, sad, pathetic creatures. I choose to believe that every action they take to think they're having fun takes them further into the bowels of a great, disgusting toilet.
Perhaps as she's there she'll suddenly realize she's not 24. She doesn't know any of the groups, and the loud music and tequila will give her a pounding headache. May she go back to her rock-themed room and vomit all night.
You try to have a great Sunday, and ignore those fancy-hotel room keys life throws up at you. They only open up misery for everyone.
You and your darling kids can travel wherever you like in the game of your choosing. Anybody can be your companions and room service is free.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
Thank you guys for the kind words. It makes me smile coming and reading what you all wrote.
Confession time
I had too much fun on saturday night..that I'm regretting today.
Long story short I ended up hanging out with my H at 1:30-2 am in my inlaws garage extremely tipsy start bike week and I may have tried to throw myself at him at the time. He did not do anything with sex but just wanted to cuddle and hug.
I woke up this morning hoping it was a mistake and that I was dreaming it.
Nope he brought it up today saying if I needed to comeover for anything i can't come looking for something. No offense.
I thought I hit rock bottom but I think rock bottom was last night.
Why did I go over to be with him at 1:30am. Wtf is wrong with me. I feel like the last few days I went into a downward spiral.
I just said idk what you are talking about and let it go. I'm going to pretend it didnt happen.
The only good thing about hitting rock bottom is there is no where but up now.
I honestly have no idea what happened that night..horribledecisiona.
