I'm jealous that the OW is having all the things I wanted him to do with me. I'm tired of crying, tired of being lonely. I'm tired of feeling like I am wasting my life away secretly hoping he will change in time.
I have been separated almost 3 months and he is moved in with her, in love, taking her on vacations and now fully ignoring me even about the kids, spending all this money, buying new toys. Can you have a mid life crisis at 26.
What is the point anymore of being nice to him? I mean I'm working on me and the kids. I got another job offer today, I'm trying my best to get ready for the divorce.
Right now I Just need advice on how to let go. How do I drop the rope? How do I kill all desire to be with him? How do I move on and get the divorce? How do I really give up?
I need to. I want to. I'm trying to force myself to, but I don't know HOW.
Knowing him I will have to be the one to walk away and file. I will have to make all the hard decisions alone while he has his dream life in his bubble.
I really wish I could tell you Red. You will know when you are ready. I think with each new hurt that rope slips a little more from your hands and the entire way through. Then you will look down and see nothing and wander "what am I holding on too?" I wish I could help you more than that but I am sorry dear I cannot. Please stay strong and congratulations on the job offer!
Me 41 W 33 M 2013 Suspect A 11/15 Confirm A 1/16 She moved out 2/14/16 Stepson 13 Stepson 16
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Can't tell you how to drop the rope as I haven't fully yet but each day gets easier. The pain slowly fades away as you carry on with your everyday life. I'm not fully happy, although I'm better than a year ago.
I now really believe that time is a healer. Look after you as you are the most important person right now.
I wish I could be with STBXH and do the thing he does with OW, but I ain't and the only pesto that is hurting is me not HIM or HER. Take the focus of them to you.
Breath, cry, breath again and cry again. There is no other way to get away from the pain you are feeling right now.
Dropping the rope is something a lot of us would like to do but the reality is that it does not happen so easy. When you married this man, you made some commitment to that R, you vows then your kids.
For some volatile people these means little, but for most of us here in this board it means what we live for. Actually, that is the reason we are here. Because our values are much stronger then what we think.
These events are not the ones that will make you to drop the rope. It is what you do with your life that will make you to get to that point that you do not need him... you just want him.
I wonder if you were a soldier and the first battle you leave with a lot of scratches and then decide do not stand up the next day and fight the war.
I am not talking bull here. Been there, done that. I saw my XH with his A getting out of a cheap hotel, I did my own divorce. Up to this day I had my XH asking for forgiveness and saying he was so wrong, he is no longer in his A, he tells me he is lonely and needs to work on himself because he knows he messed up big time.
You see Red, live happens... it is alive, it moves, it transforms. What was yesterday, may not be today. I know you are in desperation mode. I also did that. I wanted to kill the whole world. I felt jealous... just like you.
But it has been a lesson for me. I have been learning a lot about myself, R, M and how to be a great woman.
Time is going by and I have no shame to say that my door is still open to my idiot XH. Why? Because I love him until I do not love him anymore.
If it happen, then I will know, until then I won't try to forget him, it does not work, it just disturb you.
Let your mind, body and soul feel the pain, wash that out of your system in the next few days. Don't rush the process, let yourself be sad for a bit.
In the meantime do not let go on all your hard work. Keep doing all the stuff you are doing.
Remember that you can do it. Be stronger now because you have to do something and be weak later when you have a chance to be with yourself.
I don't know if you ever checked TO324 story. I really love her story. She walked in hell Red, but her hard work paid back.
Don't blow everything up. Feel your pain and use it to fuel the warrior that is inside of you. Why to give it all easy for them. Be better then that scum bag.
They may have a blast right now, but they need to look at each other at some point and know that they did what they did. You may not see it now. You think they are there having so much fun, but it could easily be that now is the start of the end.
Be Red, you feel like crap today, but tomorrow is yet another day.
I feel exactly the same. Would love to know how to flip a switch or take a magic pill to move forward and drop the rope. But I think it's just time. Or that's what I've heard :-).
Keep doing what you are doing. Stay the course. You are doing so well!
Congrats on the job offer!
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
I once heard someone say that they considered their ex dead. They grieved for the loss, the pain, and the situation, but then let it go to rest. It kind of makes sense as that person you are grieving over, is no longer around. He or she is gone. I will pray for you and your journey wherever it takes you. Hugs and love Red!!
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
Red, so many of us here feel your pain. I too thought MLC, but as I've learned here - an A can cause very similar symptoms. Is my W having a MLC at almost 60? Yes, because they feel like kids again. She's doing things I wish she had done for me - or with me. I was never, ever on her about her weight or her looks. She was perfect in my eyes.
Like Tim, what really ticks me off is ignoring his own kids. He's gone from morally bankrupt to just destructive. I'm so very sorry for your children.
We were never able to have children - and I can't even start to imagine having wanted them so badly abandoning them.
I'd love to say it gets better with time, but only being 2 months into it I can vouch it gets worse.
I've added a lot of people to my prayer list since coming here, and you're on it now as well - and your lovely children.
Think about you - and think about your children.
Originally Posted By: Ralph88
I once heard someone say that they considered their ex dead. They grieved for the loss, the pain, and the situation, but then let it go to rest. It kind of makes sense as that person you are grieving over, is no longer around. He or she is gone. I will pray for you and your journey wherever it takes you. Hugs and love Red!!
This is so true - my W is a different person. She just flicked a switch and "bang" the moment she filed for D, it was as if she murdered the woman I married. One day she was there, the next gone. I got her legal response yesterday, and I didn't recognize the person writing. It was so bizarre. I've lost a lot of friends in the past few years, and now another. My best friend in the world.
Is there a chance of resurrection? In some cases yes. In some cases, no. But you can't wait around hoping for miracles. You've got to move on for you and your kids. You are blessed to have them, and they you.
We're all pulling for you Red. You can do it, and thrive.
Me: 58 Her: 59 Kids: 0 Dog: 1 ILYBINILWY: 9/15 D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed) Verified OM: 1/11/16 Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
