You are strong. I think most people would have jumped all over that comment and the previous ones. My WW also said she wanted to meet but I feel the exact the same way. There is just something about the way she said it that makes me feel like what she actually misses is the best friend aspect of our relationship. I do have to meet with her soon for tax stuff though. That'll be interesting.
I think you are doing great. She has said miss you and asked you to get together multiple times now. I agree with Sotto, you could probably let this one go. I don't know all the details with OM, but I wouldn't meet with my WW if I knew OM was around. Best of luck... I look forward to reading of your story.
Yes, I think this is the kind of thing my good old friend would text. I see her every few months or so for lunch & a chat. The thing is - she has never betrayed my trust. She hasn't walked away from 'our' marriage and shacked up with an OP etc.
I think your W is hoping you can have similar contact. Meet for coffee, chat etc. It is possible that at some level she really misses the R. However, I believe all WAS's need to reach a point of absolute realisation of what they will lose and don't want to lose. Otherwise, you are just her dumped spouse acting like 'friends' when she is living with OP.
JMHO of course. There could be a case for going along for the occasional coffee - looking and smelling great and having to leave for another engagement. However, I do feel your W keeps trying to push at this boundary (the we will not be pals one) and it may be best to just keep to very limited contact unless something significant changes.
I agree with Pinn - you are strong, and you are doing really well. Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for all your thoughts. I think for the moment I'll stay clear of meetings etc. I don't know what is happening in her other life, it could be wonderful or not what she expected. I don't know and haven't asked her or any of her family. Given the length of her obsession with OM I don't expect any major change, she has regarded me as a best friend for sometime mentally while she was leaving me for him and saying sorry, crying when meeting etc. I'm reading up on Mindfulness at the moment and just accepting the present for what it is and discovering the unexpected in each day. Of course I'd love to see her and have things change but I that isn't my decision. Thanks for checking in on me. All your comments mean a lot to me.
Good for you with the mindfulness. I'm working my way through a series of 50 Learn to Meditate (Australian) free podcasts at the moment. I think I'm on number 25 or something. I like them - you have a mini lecture on the theme for that meditation (eg: forgiveness) followed by a 10 minute or so meditation. I also found Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat Zinn helpful. It's a weighty tome and I read it soon after BD, but I found just reading it soothing. I have read a couple of Ekhart Tolle books recently too.
Good call about your W....leave her to float in her own little boat for now....hope your GAL is going well my friend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for the tips. I've downloaded a few to try plus the book is on its way. Today I had to do some extra work in the same place I went the day W told me she was leaving. It always feels uncomfortable and went through many emotions but came home to S. It doesn't get any easier but at the end of the day I just want to be a better me and wait to see what the future brings.
Today I sent W itemized bill for what she has to contribute. it was the first time and she reacted badly. I might have nitpicked a little and possibly misunderstood the exact terms of our verbal agreement. So she mailed how sad she was, that she thought we were different and asked to meet. She was clearly upset. She then bombarded me with expenses from before we divided the money. I could respond in kind but that would only things worse. I've emailed her saying that there has been a misunderstanding and the last thing I would like is to have bad blood between us and if she wants to meet up this evening after work. I added I'm sure we can resolve it all amicably and I didn't want to upset her. I feel like any goodwill with the miss yous and can we meet up will have been lost and she'll have spent the day crying to OM about her husband and how she made the right decision to leave. Feel terrible
After sending another email things have calmed a little bit. She suggested meeting after she has finished a prior meeting with some friends or for lunch tomorrow. I want to get it out of the way asap so we'll meet tonight for a drink and a bite. Feel terrible as this is going to drag me back into the friend zone.
Gotta change your mind set ASAP. 'Act as if' right? Need a PMA going in. Make the most of the opportunity. Re-read the validation thread. You cannot be going into this feeling terrible. You'll be alright.
