Weekend was OK. Busy enough. No excitement but some fun. But I had loads of options about what to do. That is encouraging. I could have filled the whole weekend and then some.
Even more encouraging is my increased appetite to live life and do stuff. For various reasons I have not ramped up my GAL to maximum label but I am happy enough with how much I am doing and am delighted to experience this "want" to live/do stuff.
Slowly but surely these wants will/are being turned into "done's".
I still spend time on the couch with W but much less than before and never if I have something to be done or if there is nothing I want to watch on TV.
Often when I come up with stuff I want to do with kids, my W joins us. I am not against her coming, but sometimes she's not in the best of form and I wonder why she came. Rightly or wrongly I don't take her bad form/mood as any reflection on me and hence doesn't affect me as much.
Long story short, I am making micro steps forward. I hope to make time this week to update my situation and some other posts. But there is no major change to report.
My energy levels are not great, so I am looking into that. But I manage to do what I need to do plus some sport and DIY. I will rule out medical issues and then assume it is stress related. If so that is OK as I am working towards reducing stress anyway. I don't feel stressed, at least nit the crippling stress I have felt. That being said, living in an unfulfilling unloving unaffevtiobate M does weigh on you at times and over time.
Got to go work.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Weekend was OK. Busy enough. No excitement but some fun. But I had loads of options about what to do. That is encouraging. I could have filled the whole weekend and then some.
Even more encouraging is my increased appetite to live life and do stuff. For various reasons I have not ramped up my GAL to maximum label but I am happy enough with how much I am doing and am delighted to experience this "want" to live/do stuff.
Slowly but surely these wants will/are being turned into "done's".
I still spend time on the couch with W but much less than before and never if I have something to be done or if there is nothing I want to watch on TV.
Often when I come up with stuff I want to do with kids, my W joins us. I am not against her coming, but sometimes she's not in the best of form and I wonder why she came. Rightly or wrongly I don't take her bad form/mood as any reflection on me and hence doesn't affect me as much.
Long story short, I am making micro steps forward. I hope to make time this week to update my situation and some other posts. But there is no major change to report.
My energy levels are not great, so I am looking into that. But I manage to do what I need to do plus some sport and DIY. I will rule out medical issues and then assume it is stress related. If so that is OK as I am working towards reducing stress anyway. I don't feel stressed, at least nit the crippling stress I have felt. That being said, living in an unfulfilling unloving unaffevtiobate M does weigh on you at times and over time.
Got to go work.
That sums it up pretty well, don't you think?
You're living a life and not letting W anchor you in place. You're doing what you need to do in order to be a happier, healthier you. Isn't that what GALing and this entire process is all about?
We have to be the best person we can be in order to be happy with ourselves. When each person brings that to the table, successful M happens. Your W sees that, roast, I promise you she does.
If she's joining you guys for outings, that should say something, right?
Like I said before, You are doing great! Your M or your W maybe hasn't come around, but you are in a better place for you and your boys right now!
Last night i watched "the secret", which is about the secret to sucess in life. The concept is basically you think positive, visualise what you want, act ad if you already have it, take actions and it'll happen. In essence it is the law of attraction.
When I get a chance I may outline some points that I found interesting. If not it can be found on the net.
They did talk about one exercise/action to do if in a bad R that you want to improve. For 30 days you sit down and list each day as many things as possible about the other person for which you are grateful.Each day you focus on what you are grateful for. The more you look, the more you find. The theory is explained a bit, but I thought I'd share this here in case anyone wanted to try it.
Happy saint Patrick's day.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Damn right I do. This time next month I will be a millionaire and having sex like rabbits with my loving W!!
Seriously though idk, but there is a good logic. You clearly define what you want (goals), you visualise having it (act as if), you take inspired actions (actions), you adjust in function of feedback (cheese less tunnels), focus on what you want and not on what you don't want (don't focus on problems)......... over the last year I have come across these principals over and over again.
If you clearly know precisely what you want, it is logical you will find ways to achieve it if you are focused and willing to act.
I don't have time to add more, but many self help/marriage/pma programmes use some of these concepts. They all can't be wrong
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I agree that one will have better success if focused and willing to act but that's about it. I don't see how that changes a spouse's behavior in the short or mid term.
It changes YOU and that is how it works. Basically you get more of what you put your focus on. It only takes one to change the dynamics in a R. Our W's have proven that! , I'll try an experiment with you.focus on a ford mustang.TReally think about it on and off as much as possible. Because you are focused on that you will notice one,then another......i tried this and was amazed how many I saw. (I used another car but the principal counts). There are still the same number of ford mustangs as usual, but your focus helps you spot them whereas otherwise you would not have noticed.
In an R, we are clouded by our negative thoughts. We are sad, we are resentful, we are angry. This affects our behavior and interactions. Imagine if we felt only love and gratitude. Automatically our thinking and ultimately our demeanor will radiate that. I would bet your negative feelings about what you are enduring show through. This could help break that cycle.This is not about ozing love and appreciation on your W but using those emotions to feel better. Achieve that and you show a better you, which can do no harm.
I have over simplified the concept and yes I have doubts too, but being a happier person and showing that to the world can only be positive. I do believe in the power of appreciation/gratitude and how it can help PMA .
Worst case scenario you try for a month and review. If it does not help, you can cross it off the list of things you tried. For me it is important to be able to look my sons in the eye and say I tried everything.I don't feel I have tried everything so I keep going.
To counter everything I just said I know that I can not rebuild my M unless my W comes on board and nothing I do can force that to happen. But maybe the work I am doing on me will tempt her. Regardless I like the new me better and better. And anything that helps PMA, happiness etc can only be beneficial even if only for me.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
