Hi Thornton, I can remember feeling like that when I first got my flat. One Saturday night I sat there alone and it was about 6pm - evening stretching ahead of me. No local friends to go out with. Started feeling sorry for myself.
Then I said to myself - given all present circumstances (ie: here I am with no plans on a Saturday night) what would joy look like?
I decided to put some music on, spend some time cooking a nice meal and watch a period drama with a glass of wine and a candle lit.
One thing that has been useful to me is cooking. If I have an evening that feels a bit empty, I'll look up a nice recipe, pop out and buy the stuff and experiment in the kitchen.
Going to the gym is handy too - flexible GAL is useful for those times when you are a bit blah and have nothing planned.
Can you post some more about GAL options you are looking at? It would be great to read of you extending yourself some more in this area - I know it isn't easy when you feel as you do - but it truly does help a lot.
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto - I like your idea, I want to learn how to cook some new dishes. My issue is that my house reminds me of WAW. It's the house we bought together 7 months ago. I think I would have a much easier time if I had my own place that she had never been to.
I look forward to getting a new place, too. I want the boys and I to pick one out together without any input from the H. I want it to be smaller and more cozy (more my style than his).
I agree with otw - go out to dinner, sit at the bar and watch a game. I know there is an Indiana University bball game on tonight at 8:30EST. Maybe I can convert you into a fan :-). Or, maybe there is an NBA or NHL game on. I think it would do you good to get out of the house. It's always nice to have some background noise. Or what about a yoga class or workout? I hope you can find something that would make you distracted for a bit tonight.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Sotto - I like your idea, I want to learn how to cook some new dishes. My issue is that my house reminds me of WAW. It's the house we bought together 7 months ago. I think I would have a much easier time if I had my own place that she had never been to.
Don't drink. Just be around people. It is a key. I'm telling you. Even if you don't know them!
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I am in a Divorecare group on Monday nights. It is about an hour and a half for 13 weeks. There is a workbook (I think it was $10) then there is a 35-minute video each week. It is religion-based just as an FYI. We had an atheist in the group the first week, so he dropped out right away. For me, the most helpful thing is that there are other people going through a similar journey with you. I only know two people that are close to me that are divorced, so it was helpful not to feel like an "outcast". Also, after the video you talk within the group. That is the most helpful part to me. In our group of 6 (small group this time the leader said), 4 out of 6 of us had infidelity and 3 out of 6 of us are still hoping for some kind of reconciliation. I've only been to 6 classes so far but I am glad I am doing it. Some classes are better than others. Why not try it and see if you like it? Can't hurt...
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Hi Thornton, I looked into the divorce care groups myself. My only word of caution is that they really focus on moving on (as opposed to moving forward) and helps you deal with the finality of the relationship ending. This is kind of in opposition to what we practice here, where we move forward but still keep the path to reconciliation a smooth one.
Just my experience... And I'm sure there are others on this board (like Broke above) who may have participated in the d care groups and felt differently.
I'm even on a divorce care mailing list where they send me an email every day for a year with pearls about how to deal and manage with the emotional angst of the whole process. I didn't find them helpful (again b/c of the opposition to DB) but I file them away for a time that I'm truly ready to go through them.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
