The start of my Happiness 3

[Tyler12]

MB. as you keep reading your going tosee a lot of anger and pain but in the end I'm going to be OK just as you are. I was hoping you'd post you always make me smile

[- MB -]

(((((Tyler))))) I am so sorry that happened to you. I know you try not to have expectations, but still have some and that's understandable. I also know that you NEVER expected to see OM there with your W and kids. That is such a painful thing to have to go through. Your wife was heartless to do that so early on in your separation. Just cruel. That's what I thought when I saw my X drive off with another woman, and my kids were in the back seat of his truck. We were already D but it didn't matter. It's the thought of someone else thinking they are going to step into YOUR spot as the parent. The thing is, you don't even know if he wants that job. He just happened to be there in her car. It was years ago, but I still remember every time a new woman would come into the picture, it made me so mad. I always tried to tell myself it was because I didn't KNOW her and what if she wasn't nice to my kids. But, it really boiled down to the fact that I was jealous. I was jealous that he moved on, even though I moved on FIRST. I was jealous that another woman was going to be around my kids and I didn't ever want my kids to think she was their mom. I was just jealous of the whole situation. My kids were in the car with HER. I couldn't stand it. Eventually it did get better but not until one of the women actually took the time to call and talk to me on the phone to set my mind at ease. It worked as I never worried about them leaving with her in the car. I never did let anyone but H or his older son pick up my kids. When it was proposed to me, I always said no. Never wavered from that, but that's just me. You will eventually find your way with this, but it stinks and it's just another painful thing that we are forced to have to deal with.

As for your response to her weather update, I LOVED IT. Just cut her off and leave her standing there talking to herself. Whether or not you've moved on, that would have certainly given me the impression that you didn't want to be around me any more. LOL. You didn't allow her to reel you back in not one single inch. I was totally kidding when I told you to drop MY rope, but holy cow, you dropped it right on her foot and took off running. Way to go!

[- MB -]

........and yes Tyler, you're definitely going to be okay. You'll be okay if W comes to her senses and comes back to you, and you'll be okay if she doesn't. You have grown so much and learned so much about yourself that you may just tell her to take a hike if she comes chasing after you. The sweet part about that is it will be YOUR decision at that point and not hers.

[Tyler12]

What happens wen you see someone, a total stranger and you think to yourself. Wow. She is pretty. I would like to talk to her.
I am conflicted now. I do t believe I would approach a woman with the intention of starting R. Because I too believe it is t fair to start and R when you are not over the previous. And I have seen both sides of the discussion on this.

A part of me feels like it's wrong to spend time getting to know someone new when the initial reason is attraction. But it's also not right to be scared to talk to new people regardless of the reason.

I have a need to get out and socialize, meet new people man or woman.
I also feel like it would just be so much easier if MB would be the woman in my life

[Thornton]

That's your wounded ego, Ty.

You saw your W with OM and it killed your ego.

Now is not the time to start chatting up pretty girls. You will fall for the first one that shows you attention and it will blow up in your face. I did that once when I was younger. Super pretty girl but totally the wrong person for me. I didnt care, she made my pain disappear.

We broke up and ALL that pain that I put a band aid on came back x10.

Feel your pain right now, dont try to medicate it with another woman. TRUST ME.

[Thornton]

Oh... and when your W's affair blows up in her face, watch how destroyed she will be. Mark my words.

[Tyler12]

Thanks Thorton. What you said makes total sense. It would be a way to bandaid the hurt.

I was thinking about this before the sitch last night, I think the long phone call last night just made me realize I miss the human contact.

As for her being destroyed, I have talked to IC about that a bit. By jumping into A she hasn't grieved for this R and she will then grieve for 2 or just move on to a third R. I don't really care. Her mind is messed up and I don't want to attempt to understand it.

[Tyler12]

Got myself some new books tonight. Looking forward to reading them. And I will finally understand LL that everyone talks about.

I understand we can't discuss other books here, if someone could point me in the direction of some books that helped them I would appreciate it.

Today was a good day. School is getting stressful as we are starting to wrap up and next week has been dubbed "hell week". As its all tests to prepare for the government final on Friday.

The downside of today is the trip I was looking forward to going on after school isn't going to happen. I just can't afford to do it. So I don't know what I am going to do with myself for that weekend now. I told myself I am doing something regardless. I just can't justify spending anything right now. Kinda [censored].

I feel a lot better tonight than I did last night for sure. The waves of anger and sadness are far less effecting it seems. Not really sure what it is I am feeling tho. It's almost a lonely contentment. I am fine being alone and taking care of my life, some company wouldn't be bad at times tho.

I have been looking for any kind of support group around here just to get out and meet some people I can identify with. All I can find is alanon and I am not sure if that's the right group to be going to. I'll have to talk to IC and see if she knows of any I can go to.

Oh. I also signed myself up for a financial advice course offered here locally in March and a separation divorce one a week later. It caught my eye and I figured is it going to hurt me to go? No.

Last part of good news I can think of right now is I am going to coach handball at the high school this season. Not sure when it starts yet but I am looking forward to it!

[Thornton]

Nice work, Ty.

Great attitude my friend. Check out meetup.com, there are support groups on there, some of them are men's groups and divorce groups. I need to push myself to try those myself.

I go to alanon meetings 2x a week and I'm going to try a DivorceCare group tomorrow night. You'll meet some really cool people from all walks of life.

Good luck w Hell Week!

[- MB -]

I also feel like it would just be so much easier if MB would be the woman in my life.

Thanks Thorton. What you said makes total sense. It would be a way to bandaid the hurt.

Hey, wait! It would seem that I got to be the woman in Tyler's life AND dropped like a hot potato before I even knew I was special. I've already been through so much. I'm not sure how much more of this my broken heart can handle!!!