Back on these forums again 7

[G8r]

Hi Mona52. Sorry to hear that you are getting so much grief from your H. You did a great job avoiding the bait and not responding to his text. Sounds like it might have been a 180 for you.

Glad to hear you had a great time playing video games with your kids. I need to pull out my old Wii so that I can play a few games with my D3. Thanks for the idea.

Hope today is better than yesterday.

[JksD]

Sorry to hear that your H was such a pain in the a$$. But you did great holding back and not rising to the bait.

Well, I will like to say how great you're at continuing to breathe and not exploding. ;p!

[Mona52]

We have an upcoming family event that I would like to extend an invitation to H to come. But for the life of me I have no idea HOW to extend the invitation.

I have some options, but if you guys know a better option then what I have here, please chime in.

My S12 can text his dad on FB. "Daddy, can you come with us and watch me?" (S12 is the one who wants H there the most, it would mean the world to S to have dad watch him)

My D15 can reply to H last text. H texted her last night on how nice it was to drive her home... D15 wants NOTHING to do with H. I would have to kinda force her to invite him.

D17 can text her dad. D17 does not really want to see her dad either, but is okay if he comes. D15 actively does not want to see him at all.

Or... probably the worst option, but this option does not involve the kids so if he bails, they wont even know or be hurt. However, if any of the kids ask, he might come, if I go with this option, he probably wont come (yes, I am mind-reading a little, but it is based on all past behavior)

The last option is for me to invite him...

I guess there is always one more option. Don't invite him at all.

I should come clean here, I probably have ulterior motives for inviting him. S12 REALLY does want dad there, I was not lying, but this will be an event where I will shine brighter than the sun. My H will have never seen me like this, except maybe on my wedding day. We will be with a large number of people, and they will gravitate towards me the entire time because I am a happy person. (I know that sounds horribly vain....ugh, but it is true). I will easily be able to leave him alone the entire time because I will be so busy doing my own thing. There is zero chance it will end in a fight because it is just not a place for any kind of 'talk'. So all around it will be d@mn near perfect for me.

If you think I should NOT invite him, I wont. I understand he has to be given the space needed to miss us. I understand that he texted my D yesterday and I might be using this as an excuse to jump all over that.

I also know I took my son to see a therapist yesterday because he is in a ton of pain because he misses his daddy. Yes... that is out of my control. I dont feel inviting H to a family event is trying to control him.

Geez, just when I think I am the freaking master of my own DB'ing I fall into a tailspin...

Do I want my M back? Seriously, I just dont know anymore.
Will this bring me closer or further from my goal? Cr@p, I need to decide if I want my M before I can answer that.

Okay, since I am not 100% positive I DONT want him, I will hang in a little longer and root for the last 20 years. So for today only, I will still fight for my M.

Now, will inviting him bring me closer or further away from that goal? 100% sure it will bring me closer to that goal. No one, not even Eeyore can see me and my kids in this environment and not want to be a part of it.

Sure, he can always get madder because we are out having fun while he is not. I can get blamed for that. It could move me further from my goal, but that is a chance I am willing to take.

I am leaning towards having S and D both ask him and me not say a word. The reason is, it is VERY VERY easy for H to just say no to S. H is a jerk. It is very very hard to just say no to D15 because she never asks for a thing and is a sweetheart.

S can text H because S will have the enthusiasm H might need to understand the importance, and D can text dad so there is the best chance dad will show.

Please tell me if I am making a mistake?

[Mona52]

Well, I decided not to invite him. I dont need this right now. I have SOOOO much work to do and I need to stay focused or I will drop more than one ball I am juggling. I feel like my life might be a house of cards today and the slightest breeze will collapse it all.

So I am not going to invite trouble by talking to jerkface. He texted me twice a few days ago asking a question I have already answered more than once so I just ignored him and ya know what happened when I ignored him? I did not get sucked into anger or pain or craziness.

I am just so happy it is Friday! I am going out with my friends tonight. Tomorrow I might go out with Al. I met him on Wednesday. He is 84 years old and his wife of 62 years dies 2 years ago, so he goes out to karaoke for companionship on Wednesday and Saturday. I might go with him on Saturday and I know I will have a blast! Sunday is the Singles dance and I will go with a group for that. Monday I am still trying to decide if I want to go see Chris or just stay home and relax. I will see how the weekend goes.

But it is still the workday on Friday and for me to earn this weekend, I still have a ton of work to get done, and work for my second job to finish and a little studying for school to finish. Time to get off the forum and get busy!

[mahhhty]

Mona. That sounds like a lot of fun! Have a good weekend!

[Rouky]

Hi Mona, just wondering how you are?

[mutatio]

We miss you Mona, can you come out and play?

[Mona52]

Hiya peeps.
Quit update... PC not functioning, and this website is not the best to surf to from my work PC. I'm IT so i can cover it, but they are IT too so they can uncover it, lol

Let's see... jerkface weird. He never contacts me or the kids, but every once in a while he will send a quick text? Never about anything.

For example we spoke once or twice in February... he sent me a happy valentine's day text. He never sent me a Happy Thanksgiving text, He completely ignored me on Christmas, and i am still waiting for a Happy New Year text. But Vday rolls around and:
H:Happy valentines day Mona. I hope you are having a wonderful day.

i replied the next day "Thx, you too H"

We spoke a little more in Feb and he saw the kids one day.

Out of the blue on Wednesday
H: Hey, You OK?
me: Yes, why?

No answer.

A while later...
me: lol, did you text me by accident?

Hours later...

H: Lol no. I had a bad dream and I'm just checking on you

I ALMOST invited him out with me and the kids Wednesday because of the text. I was going to entice him by offering to pay his way and buy him ciggs. But some peeps on this board slapped me before I could invite him and pulled me through

I still spend Fridays dancing with Brian. It is a highlight of my week. I spend Wednesdays with my kids at karaoke and it is SOOOOOOO much fun!

Saturday night and Monday night I spend with Chris. He bought me roses and a sapphire necklace so far . I keep telling him not to. I cant believe how nice it is spending time with him. But it is only 2 nights a week and I dont see that changing to any more or any less anytime soon.

I have not given upon my H, but I dont think about him much anymore and I spend my days very happy most of the time.

[Tyler12]

Glad to hear from you Mona! It sounds like you are really enjoying life and that is awesome!

It is nice H texted you, shows your on his mind from time to time. Whatever happens happens right? Keep up the life you have made for yourself it sounds wonderful!

[Mona52]

Fixed my PC

Chris and I decided to officially date exclusively while I was away from the forums. It is a weird learning experience for me. I have lived with my H longer than I lived with my parents growing up and he is all I know and understand. Now I am relearning a whole new person.

I spend a lot of time paranoid he will see other women behind my back. I know this is just because H did it to me for 20 years. I am trying to work through it and I never let him see my crazy.

I still go dancing on Friday and dance almost exclusively with Brian then, but Chris does not mind Brian and we do nothing inappropriate. But I no longer go to singles dances on Sundays. Chris still goes to them, so every once in a while I go with him, but I feel like a piece of meat for sale there so I hate it. He does not have women hitting on him the entire time, but guys are constantly in front of me.

I became a part-time college student this month, which is completely bizarre. I only need 6 credits to finish my master's so they dropped me to part-time student. Immediately I started looking at classes I can take at a college here and right when I was at the registration page, ready to hit submit, I closed down the application. I think I am going to use my extra time with Chris. It feels weird, like I SHOULD be doing more to make myself better. It is all I have done for so many years now. But instead I want to walk in his woods (he lives in the woods, lol) or go fishing or other non-productive things. I will start my doctrine in a few months so this is only a temporary break.

I have also quit one of my part-time jobs. I dont feel like a freak anymore . In the space of 2 weeks I went from working fulltime, plus 2 part-time jobs, plus full time college to working full time, one part time job and part time college. It feel weird to type that.

It looks like winter is finally behind us and the sun makes my PMA shoot through the roof. Spring is when sitch's here get really shaken up, so brace yourselves people. I will try and hit threads as soon as i can!