Yeah, definatly hormonal right now. I know husband cannot text or contact me cause it's Valentine's day. I am presently feeling a really deep sadness. I want to call him, but of course I Will not. I do miss the good times. I miss the average times. I ask myself, was I that horrible of a spouse for it to come to this? He obviously feels like I was. Was I unique to other women? Why is it so hard for him to just move on, start a new slate (like he had suggested that day after he received my petition) I was so angry earlier. I'm not as accustomed to this feeling.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I am very emotionally uncomfortable. I almost feel like I did early in my situation. I have strong urge to call and confront and get any type of communication with husband. I actually called yesterday when I was feeling anger and mistrust about his trip but luckily he didn't pick up and by the time he texted I was sleeping.
Talked to close friend who is pretty good at analyzing people. She feels husband is depressed. Said she really doesn't think there is affair. She thinks he is depressed and wouldn't be capable of putting in the energy necessary to maintain an affair. She said anyone else yes, but doesn't sense it from husband. This made me feel better. She did say he has been miserable for long time, as was I and thinks I should not go back with him. She does not like how he handled things with child support and kids. She said she never thought we were very compatible...we were always bickering and had different interests. My mother said she never understood how we got together either. that he was night and I was day. I am sure husband is thinking this too.
we texted today, brief how r u feeling texts. he did not respond to me and it really bothers me. That lack of courtesy and respect. It really hurts. I have feeling this weekend he is going to say to move forward with divorce.
There is no and I mean no indication that he would say else wise. If there was, there would be calls, some type of concern, something and there is none. I have no control, no say in this situation. He must love this. He said he was living in misery though.
This has been going on for too long now.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
I've always felt that if there is a difference, you're not doing it right. If you're being tortured right now it is YOUR doing, not H's. What is stopping you from letting go of expectations, detaching, GALing, and finding happiness in the life you have now?
Granted, long term you will need financial clarity, a place on your own, etc. But you will get that in due course. And your happiness can't be contingent upon where you live. Why must the rest of the world change for you to let go and enjoy what you've been given?
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Julie, I just want to say I understand what you're going through. I really do. The only reason why I didnt post about these experiences is that I came to this board after I was D. In fact, I can post your sitch into my thread almost word for word and change just a few details.
I recognise my ex in your H. I recognise my fears and emotions in you. But you are so much wiser and calmer than me. And you have the help of this board. And you're still working on your M. You have a chance of winning this.
Both times we tried to R, it was H that decided to R. But even then, he was vacillating. I am terrible in limbo and I pushed and pushed for an answer. I was also wary that he was making use of me to drop the restraining order. We were suspicious of each other for financial reasons too.
Your H is like my ex. They are suspicious and they don't want to be pressured. So really, dont push.
I understand your fear. Get professional help to allay your fears and don't talk to your H about topics that will trigger the both of you.
If you feel like you need to vent, it's good to do like what you're doing now and vent here.
((Julie))
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
I am currently not doing limbo correctly. Him going on business trip on Valentine's day weekend really makes me suspicious. It really unsettled me. He was not around on Monday, so he might have lied about what day he came back. It also means that he hasn't seen kids in over 2 weeks and did not make them priority which sickens me. How do you voluntarily go 2 weeks without seeing kids? Is he even human? To me that's sick!!!
I saw him yesterday when I dropped kids off and he was in good mood. Made small talk. His mother has aged horribly within past several months. She is having trouble looking at me, so I wonder what she knows.
I read all these newcomer posts and realize how can I be the only person on these boards whose husband did not cheat or is not involved in affair? This bothers me so much. It is my boundary and the not knowing is awful because if I knew it would release me from limbo and I could move on. I am worried that he has just been stringing me along for financial reasons. I am crying all the time. I have no appetite and am back down to post Husband leaving weight. I am consumed with thought that husband was/is cheating.
Plus I think of his behaviors and how totally controlling and irrational they are... It's all about getting me to work more. I read somewhere that stonewalling someone is a perverted way of maintaining power and control.
He complained that I do not ever compromise with him. He is upset that I will not meet him half way when he picks up kids so he doesn't have to drive as far. I did not want this, why the hell would I help him???????
I am still sick and there has been no GAL or exercise and no good signs from husband so my moral is very low.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Sorry you are having a rough time Julie. My H is also putting himself before the kids (whole story on my thread). A word of caution - I thought confirming my husband's affair would get me out of limbo too. It didn't. I still have hope w can reconcile. And it just makes me feel stupid and pathetic that I would cross that boundary I thought was a deal breaker too. The worst part is that he doesn't want to reconcile because he's in love with her. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not sure you really want to know.....I thought I did but now my teenage sons know and it's a mess (they saw a text on their dad's phone). My advice is keep db'ing and GALing. Just my two cents.
M 44 H 46 M 20yrs T 25 yrs S15 S12
ILYBINILWY 7/18/15 Move to MBR 9/8/15 Physical Separation 10/10/15 Suspect A 8/2015 Confirm A 12/27/15 D filed by H 2/2/16
Affair is Definatly deal breaker for me. It is ultimate betrayal and husband knows my feelings on this. It has always been spelled out since I was so traumatized by my relationship before him in which bf was serial cheater. My best friend told me, affair makes it easy for me. Black and white. I move forward without looking back.
Right now I am having trouble moving forward because husband had told me he wanted to wipe slate clean and move forward torwards reconciliation. That we owed it to kids and each other to try. then he never addressed it...complete silence and lack of communication. Then I bring it up and he gets angry, but says the fact that he has not filed shows he is open to it and that based on all the horrible stuff I did (take him to court, not compromise or give in to his demands. Of working full time ) he has every right to not work on reconciliation.
Will be starting new thread soon...new everything. So hope to be recognized.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
