If I separate it doesn't effect things legally in terms of the financial split.
I have seen my L this morning and we are proposing that I separate within 2-6 weeks without prejudice (in other words I can change my mind if W doesn't agree). I will move to my friends empty 2 bed wpartment and W shares the costs of moving and extra rental and utility bills etc.
This is to give time and space for reflection, healing and W to properly mourn the death of her Father.
It would be a view that W can file for divorce in Oct 2017 under a no-fault agreement.
So that is it. The ball will be back in her court. to agree or not. If she doesn't agree she can petition for D but I stay in the house and things could get more adversarial. A D would take about 6 months to complete.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi Isit, glad your L appt went okay. From what you post then, if she agrees to a S (and later D) you will co-operate and move out now. However, if she decided to pursue D now, you'll stay put through what may be potentially a more adversarial process?
Of course you must do whatever you feel is best in all circumstances. My only worry for you in the above is if she chooses the D now route and you have to live together during that process, which could be tough (for you, and maybe for the boys too? IDK.)
Do you want to present that to her in such a stark way? You could always be crystal clear about the S - if she agrees to go that way. If she wants to file for D now, perhaps you could say that you're loathe to make temporary arrangements for yourself in those circs and you'd need to consider what you want to do.
Ultimately, I guess you're hoping she'll agree to the S and that buys some time. However, she may not and you may be in the house through a D, when you could have secured your friend's flat and perhaps had a more comfortable time of it. My concern is if she has got this far, she could well favour the D route...
Only my thoughts anyway Isit, and what do I know?? I hope things unfold in the way you hope
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I will state my intention to separate and ask W to co-operate by putting the D on hold. The intention to separate is without prejudice - in other words, not binding, I can change my mind based on her decision. This will happen verbally this weekend.
My L knows her L (small city!) and reckons W's L is more adversarial hence the very harsh particulars in the UB letter.For instance mediation was never mentioned and my L reckons we are prime candidates for mediation and the Collaborative Law process - we still get on!
So my L's letter to her L will arrive stating that i would like her to agree to put D on hold whilst we separate but the separation clock starts from last October (in house separation) and W would be free to file from Oct 17 under no fault divorce.
If no agreement, then I will reject the particulars and stay in the house. I think she will agree - but we will see.
PS the friend I went cycling with last night separated from his W 5 years ago and still isn't divorced. Neither party have filed - and they DONT get on! There was no OM/OW although he met someone 1 year after separation and now lives with her.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
We're using collaborative L's too. Given the distance (H is down south) we aren't doing meetings - so it isn't a 'full' collaboration as such - but the tone has very much been collaborative and not adversarial. I've been really happy with my L so far (SD from A).
Good luck with things this weekend. I'm off for a walk with some DRW group folks tomorrow - should be nice
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
SD from A was recommended!! along with two from a solicitors K.
Also the new name for Rhild Residency is: Child arrangement order and we could use the Family Mediation Council
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Sotto - PS have you looked at a walking group called - abbreviated name of county-walkers. Its suppose to be under 40's but they dont mind - I went for a walk with them when I was 45!
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi Sotto - one of the things I'll miss is having a buddy to go to the cinema with
Any ideas for that?
Hope your walk goes well but the weather is awful today take your wellies!!
I'm viewing my friends apartment this morning, then a big R talk is likely this afternoon.
I'll move out if W puts a halt to D proceedings - it sounds like an ultimatum, and probably is but I should be able to phrase it as an amicable solution, instead of adversarial lawyers.
The apartment should be cheaper than the market rate and partly furnished which would save a lot of initial outlay. Plus a smaller deposit etc.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi Isit, DRW is great for meeting new people and I would expect you to meet some new cinema buddies there. I'll be surprised if you don't.
Good luck with the R talk when you have it - I hope things unfold in a way that works well for you all. Let us know how things go.
I hope you liked the appt - handy that it's part furnished and that saves a lot of effort. One of the guys on our walk today has just rented a house which is empty. We were coming up with plans to help him pick up some charity shop/recycled stuff.
Yes, it was a wet walk indeed! We walked eight miles and did manage to have a dry picnic. I had worn jeans, which was a bad idea and I'm going to invest in some better trousers for next time. There were 20 on the walk (at least 5 from DRW) and age range from 9 to 92 - plus a couple of dogs. It was fun and we had some good laughs, plus tea and cake at the end.
Take care and know that you have a local DB buddy hoping things will work out well for you
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
