:[ I'm so sorry, he's sounding like my H. Wanting to just ditch us to make their lives easier. I got some good advice from my SIL...she says just to stay calm, give space and agree/validate but don't put stock in much of what they say. A lot of pressure is on them -albiet, self induced - but it's perceived that it's out fault. It's not. We just have to keep pressing on.
I find myself wondering how I'm going to honestly smile and be happy for a while.
I need to re-work my GAL plan and 180s just about every day. I was looking at degrees to finish my GI Bill with. I'm thinking nursing, possibly. I don't know. I already have my BA, I just am so unsure of everything right now.
I an thinking LPN or nursing as well when I get there. I'm still about a year away from being able to apply to the programs.
I will try to follow your SIL advice.. I am going out tonight. I went from not wanting to go..to telling myself I NEED THIS. I hope some guys hit on me, I hope someone offers to buy me a drink. I want to feel wanted for once. Not in like i'm going home with you way, but an ego boost.
I think that's awesome! I would love to go out and have some fun - maybe I'll hit up one of my friends to take me out before I move, since I have a weekend to just sit around. Maybe the H will enjoy some alone time with D4? I want to feel wanted too...it seems as if our WAHs want the same as well. womp womb.
I'm still breathing today. That's all I know. I'm breathing and exhausted. So exhausted. I also have so much left to do before this move it's ridiculous...but I just can't seem to get moving.
An uneventful night for me - the kiddo and I slept, a lot. She was exhausted, and so was I.
I got a message last night from H that said "I hope you and D4 are having a good weekend"
I didn't reply right away and later sent him a photo of D from earlier that day. Then, I needed to ask him about our pets. So I asked him if I could ask him a question, then asked about them. H said "you don't have to ask me to ask a question, you can still talk to me. I'm sorry for how things have been"
Okaaaay...
I said that I feel like I can't, and I'm waiting for him to get back.
Mainly, this is because of the other night when he told me that he sees me for who I am now more than ever - that I used his support system against him with his family - that he just wanted to ship me away with D4 and didn't care about anything else - that he didn't want to live with me because he wouldn't feel like he could live how he wants to with me there (screams OW right?).
Yes, so after that...I really feel like I can talk to this person, who assumes I'm this evil being who wants to make his life miserable, when in reality I'm grabbing at straws trying to plan for the best possible life for D4 in the event I'm doing this all on my own.
Angry.
And yet, I'm the one that still loves him...how the HELL.
Last night I actually listed out what I was afraid of losing in him - a friend, lover, companion and actually put questions under those. Was he REALLY all of those things? Did he REALLY fill that role? Honestly, not really. Not the way my feelings would have me remember. I started off as a WAW at the beginning of last year, but I realized that I had work to do for me...so I did it...and now it's too late?
So I asked him if I could ask him a question, then asked about them. H said "you don't have to ask me to ask a question, you can still talk to me. I'm sorry for how things have been"
Okaaaay...
My wah says the same thing when-if ai say can i ask yoh something..except he emds it with I'm still here for you. I'm always here for you.
Quote:
Last night I actually listed out what I was afraid of losing in him - a friend, lover, companion and actually put questions under those. Was he REALLY all of those things? Did he REALLY fill that role? Honestly, not really.
That is something I have realized too yesterday with how he treated me. That I am in love with my old H. My old memories. The memories of how happy we were. This H [censored] and is mean and a stranger. I'm hoping thinking like this will help with db,detach, 180 instead of like you said grasping at straws.
I do NOT think it is too LATE. MY MIL told me it isnt finished until it is finished and even though her and my FIL filed papers, separated for a year, etc they never went threw with the divorce and now married 35 yrs. She keeps telling me not to give up on him until its over. Just focus on me. I found out SHE DID 180 and DB on my FIL 2x. In her own way but pretty much the 2 times they had issues she did exactly what we are it hey, it worked.
I'm not saying it will for us. I feel like I have 5% chance of it working some days.
Maybe when he sees you in person and you guys have to actually be around eachother it will be easier ( for him to see changes not emotionally) since you have been apart for so long??
I really like you roar. I feel like we get eachother even though we are a few years apart. I'm here for you! I wish I had better advice like the older people but I try. I think I need to follow the advice I give you too. Sometimes I know what I need to do but dont do it.
Thanks Red! :] I really like you too, I think we do get eachother! Your advice is always what I'm half thinking but need to hear.
I too miss my old H - he was an amazing man and I feel like he's still in there somewhere which is why I won't give up. Thank you for that hope with the MIL. I really think as hard as it is, I am detaching and will have to find the balance of that detachment and finding myself while he's around. I know I'll want to be sweet to him and I'm afraid it'll just turn him completely off - but I also want to respect the fact that this is what HE asked for. This is what he wanted!
The more I push, the more I believe he is thinking "she just doesn't listen!" and honestly, I haven't been listening to him for a long time. I mean, really listening. But I also felt like I wasn't being listened to easier - I keep reminding myself that men are simple creatures. When he comes around, which I believe both of ours will, I will be better able to meet his needs so he will want to meet mine. It's the question of will that ever happen that keeps me up at night.
I think him and I have said so much damaging crap over the phone that won't hold up in person at all - I could hear it in his voice that his anger was a front for pain, as is mine. A few more days. This will be real interesting.
I know what needs to be fixed in the M - it's so hard to not be able to get right to work on that. It's hard to have to take this alternate route with DB and hope that it'll bring us back to the same path. I don't really know what else to do other than detach and GAL because I don't want to add any more perceived pressure. I think that's a big part of the pushback.
Whoa this got long. I'm seriously putting off packing, I wish I could just pack up my emotions and feelings and ship them out.
I know what you mean by knowing what needs to be fixed but having to try to fix it in a way that doesnt make them think it is fake or pressure them while still showing them we have changed.
DB,180, and GAL.. It's like chess. Takes TIME and every move is important.
Someone convince me that having an R talk when he gets off the plane is not a good idea.
I want to tell him that I don't want to try for D4, but for us. I know he's under the impression that I'd only try for the kid and that's not what I really felt. I don't want him to think that at all! I'm terrified that thinking that is what will keep him closed off.
