I am curious of what state you are. I had no money, was not served with any papers, was just gathering info and got three appointments of my choice because I could get even more. By the way I am in Colorado.
My house was not in my name either and is still not in my name until I can refinance it in a year after my D decree. But it is mine, I got the house because 50% was mine.
In your case, just like V said, if your H bought the house before you were together, and I don't mean married, maybe you were together before being married. You are entitle of some part of the increased market value. What is the price of your house now, minus the price of the purchase years ago.
Your poor H may have 401ks, pension. It is all yours too. Look at this as business.
And I agree with V and Squiggy, stop trying and do it. When you talk to a L, don't say that your H just left but he is such amazing man, giving you money, support, house. First, he is not giving you anything that is not already yours. Second, the L won't waste his time in a foolish couples fight. To get what you want from the L, and this is what you need right now, you need to say that your H is a bastard and you are looking into filling yourself because he is the worst man in the world.
The L will have appointments tomorrow, child care and snacks, they will tell you all what you need to know and if you have some numbers, financial info, they will try to calculate stuff around your situation.
Payment can be done with a credit card. Once you have some picture of what kind of money you may get from the D and you may be able to pay the L with the money that comes from the division of assets. I did this. I did not have any money either.
**** About the T-shirt, I also think you are going LOCO, get that shirt and put in a box.
OH MY GOSH I just had a 1.5 hr talk to a lawyer on the phone. He left bad for me and gave me a FULL 1.5 HOURS. I love his wife, she was the receptionist and she was like hold on let me have my husband talk to you. I ASKED LIKE 59027839172 QUESTIONS I FEEL AMAZING. You guys were right. Knowledge is power. If I get a D this is my family people I WILL USE. It would take me like an hour to tell you everything he said but basically I can have part of the house, I will get child support, I qualify for alimony, He can pay for my schooling, and his fee covers everything until the D is final
I pretty much did what you said. I was like I want info on this can I make a consultation. She asked me a few questions and then gave the phone to her husband. I didn't tell them anything about my WAH unless they asked.
He thinks my WAH is a immature, selfish, controlling person.
I found out that he isn't too expensive 3500$ But he will start with 1000$ and I can make payments, put it on a credit card, make the WAH pay for it..he gave me about 5-6 options on how to pay if I want to use him.
He made me laugh, CRY, smile, CRY, and then FEEL BETTER. I WILL BE OKAY.
He bought the house after we had our daughter, 2 years into our relationship but 6 months before the wedding. My L said the same, that I AM ENTITLED to some.
Same with taxes for the last 2-3 years i'm entitled to half which would be 10-15,000$ since I never got more then 500$ from 7-10,000$ tax returns.
I get half his retirement, pension, 401k, etc.
I will be FINE. I asked him so much and FINALLY got so many answers.
I hope you guys are proud of me BECAUSE I'M PROUD OF ME!
**** I put the shirt in the bottom of my drawer. I might be going a little loco. Okay maybe really loco. I may have snuck into his car to spray his cologne on the shirt and then sneak it back into the house sometimes when it runs out of his scent because I miss his smell in my bed.
I PROMISE not to touch the shirt for the whole weekend at leasy(to start off). I really do wear his shirts around and sleep in them almost every night since I always did when he worked overnights because I missed him. Boundary 180 on myself? Stop doing it because he isn't my H and I am just hurting myself from being strong.
I still DO NOT want the D, but now I know what I can do. He gave me advice on how to follow.
He said get my cna license, I start classes monday. He said IF I want to file then do it once I have a job. Don't make it more of a burden on myself, OR wait until my WAH files and start it then if I want to try to see what happens.
I will keep doing my DB, keep being strong, HOPEFULLY WAH see's the light but if not, then I have my L and have my plan B.
I will keep this close to my chest V. I am telling NO ONE besides you guys that I talked to a L. I don't want anyone to know. I would rather have everyone think I am not looking or calling and then surprise them later. I think everyone thinks I am a dumb bag of rocks.
I do plan on now saving money for the L. When I get my Job I plan on putting what I can away for if WAH files I will have the 3500$ and not have to worry. If I don't get the D I want to use the 3500$ to help as a down payment on a new car! EITHER WAY I WIN!
AND my happy just crashed and burned into a fire pit.
I was on the phone with my MIL(i'm close to my WAH parent's still. Always have been.) and I mentioned my WAH thought I should apply for a job at the place where his 3 aunts, grandma, cousins work because his aunts the hiring manager and could get me a job and she's like hahaha omg no that would be the last place I would apply incase things go really bad. It kinda stung and hurt. I played it off with oh yeah I know.
I told her I also got a job call from my WAH job(civillian job in another building) and she's like oh god that would be awful. AWESOME if we were together, HORRIBLE if we got the D..so even though I WANT THE JOB I will prob say no. It's the perfect schedule for the kids and at the perfect pay. UGHHHHHH so frustrating. I didn't know it was at his job because when I applied it was so vague and didn't have the place listed.
And I know well how much it is difficult to look for all this information, L, what is mine and what is his. It breaks our hearts to go through the process, but it is well worth it. You now know your rights and know that he can't come with a piece of paper and tell you bananas, so you can sign whatever and hurt yourself financially.
MY XH tried. I listened to all his blah, blah, blah. He has all D papers ready for me to sign at a café. I asked him in a very calm way if this was what he decided for the D and he said that that was our best shot, that he was looking into leaving me in a good place to start. I then told him that I would consult with my L and get back to him. He was crazy, his voice got louder. I then stood up and said that if he would talk to me like that, that I would leave. He tried to convince me again, but I had made my mind and knew my rights.
Too bad for him underestimating me.
That's the same with your H, telling you that he will have the house for himself and you need to walk. He is not thinking straight, he does not care about his family right now. Maybe things will turn around and he will be normal again. But if not, you have your weapons in place.
Excellent that you want to keep it a secret. In any way he can find out that you have all this info or he will also play his cards. And the subject is money, people change, they go for the throat.
I did not say it in a bad way about the T-shirt. It is just that you need to concentrate on you and do not allow yourself to be too mellow right now. But it seems you are doing a good job.
Red, all what you are doing will also start changing you. With time you will change so much for a better you, a glowing you that he will see the changes and will start thinking about his own decisions. We don't know how long it will last, but eventually he will notice.
Now, he thinks you are weird, act weird. With time he will see you are not siting around feeling sorry for yourself. And like our lovely squiggy said... It's attractive.
All what I can say is that you are amazing, you are protecting yourself and your kiddos... great job!
You also have good plans for your life, your future, what is excellent. Even if you two decide to reconcile, you have only victories because you are developing a career.
Just curiosity: Who pays the phone bills? Can he trace your phone calls?
I am pretty sure that is something my WAH would do to me. I want his jaw to drop if he thinks I'm an idiot. I know I might be alittle ditzy and slow on things but I also was a 4.3 Straight A student. Common sense I might struggle with somedays though hah.
I DO think I am making positive changes. He noticed on the phone when he called the kids. He said I sounded different and happy and asked what I was doing. I said oh nothing but here are the kids! Hand phone to s3 who yells into phone about cartoons lol.
I am sad the job I wanted is AT HIS JOB though. what the heck. what. the. heck. OF COURSE that is my luck. Just means It wasn t meant to be!
He pays my phone bill but my phone bill is a monthly pay here phone, so is his. We had bad issues with our 2 year contract so once it was up we went to monthly pay plan so we can cancel at any time and switch when we want. All he does is enter my phone number and pays the bill. He doesn't know (at least I DON'T THINK) he knows the password to log into my account and see who I call or text. My password is 6 digits code so I don't think he would think of it..even though it is my birthday.( Let me go change it)
I am 90% sure I know his but I have restrained from looking up numbers and being pyscho and calling every number to see who answers. So days I want to though.. I won't lie somedays I want to.
