Hi Cristy, you are probably right about om may have had good intentions with his hurtful comments to s14. But s14 took his comments as being hurtful and mean.
Another thing which s14 said caused him to blow his temper with om was that om is insulting me and d21's bf/baby-daddy. I have never met om. Any of his insults would have come from W. I was tempted to ask s14 how he was insulting me, but I chose instead not to put in my life those words attacking me.
Insulting a child's other parent also violates rule 101 in a divorce. Never attack the other parent in front of the child. Don't bring the child into it. Sigh.
Ok, last night is another example of weirdness/scariness of om. W asked s14 to stop by at her place to talk. S14 had to charge his phone anyway, so W and s14 sat in s14's bedroom and talked.
The door was closed but om kept peeking/listening in. W yelled at om to go away and let them talk. But he kept running around the condo, and saying in a strange voice "redrum, redrum".
S14 told W/Mom "can't you see 'om' is on drugs?"
W dismissed this behavior b/c the drugs that om takes are for PTSD that sometimes cause him to act strangely. She has mentioned before that om has anxiety issues.
Om saying "redrum" to my son is a step over the line of strange behavior. Isn't "redrum" from 'The Shining', and is murder spelled backwards? Who is this guy?
Usually the affair partner is not of the best character
Whats most important is keeping your son safe..the OM has no real connection to your son and due to his drug addiction probably lacks empathy and care I would keep son away from him
I was very leary about OW having contact with my kids..I probably would have, but God protected me and took XH out of state b4 she ever met them
They never met her Maybe I made a big fuss but I had a bad sense and I though she was an active addict To this day my XH family will not have contact with him while he is with OW (wife) they say she is crazy and controls him
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks peacetoday, I am glad you understand my desire to keep s14 safe and away from om.
This morning started out really weird. We have near blizzard conditions in town, and I told s14 last night that I want to pick him up right after school - that for 1 day he cannot walk over to his friend's house.
W called me at 6:30 this morning to ask if she could drive s14 to school. She just happened to be in the neighborhood (?!) I told s14 and he said he didn't want to see his Mom. But if W doesn't have visitation, I want them to keep in contact.
I told s14 to let me know to pick him up - I did not push on him having to come with me right after school.
Ahhh, the hamster wheel of my brain is running wild. Maybe W met with her attorney and advised W to get s14 back living with her. But this is out of my control, and I will talk to W if she tries to tell me s14 is moving back with her.
But let's see what the day has in store.
BTW, I did choose the incorrect team again in last night's Super Bowl, my bad luck streak is now running on at least 15 years.
Damnit, Wet. You should have picked the other horses for the race. My state hates you and your streak
Hopefully, Wet, you can see that your son living with a PTSD individual is not a good thing. Not just because he's weird and unstable, but because of the effect on your son. If nothing else, what you describe is likely only part of the story - either because you are telling the highlights or because you aren't seeing the whole picture.
Either way, having your son live with you is the better course of action, right? Did you make that permanent yet?
I ask because your son is at an age where he'll fight for his independence. And far be it from me to point out the obvious, but it's likely he will be able to use the family discord to 'manipulate' the situation to his way of thinking. From my perspective, that's the time that your son will spend with his friends and find the trouble that only a teenager of his age can find. He's not of an age where he'll always make the best decisions - that's what his dad is there to help him with. Without the permanency of the situation, it'll be harder or impossible for you to help him. Too many loopholes for him to exploit.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
It looks like the divorce is really happening. I just spoke with W. She said she is meeting with her attorney tomorrow. She wanted me to start answering some questions like my bank account number, and I shut it down quickly. I told her to have her attorney call me and I would give the attorney the information.
W is not asking for anything. The only thing W is asking for is that I continue paying her for child support. This might be a problem if I continue to have him.
The only thing W said is that she wants this to be done with quickly, we've been separated for 3 years after all. I kept my mouth shut.
I am hurting. This was the same agreement I asked W to sign in March 2014, so it feels like I have needlessly gone thru the pain of seeing my W date lotsa men and the move-in with om.
If your son continues to live w/you, then you don't pay child support. She's going to be angry about that, but you need to put it in writing to stipulate that if he lives w/you, then you provide no child support to her. In fact, it might be the exact opposite and she may end up paying you.
I'm sorry that this is happening, but no one knows what the future holds, but it sounds like she's made up her mind and wants to cut the ties w/you. Maybe once the ink is dried on the decree, she can finally start dealing w/her issues.
Please take care of yourself and your son.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well, 2 weeks with s14 living with me, and no sign of the divorce papers.
W was supposed to have met with her divorce attorney this past Thursday. W texted me on Thursday telling me she had a migraine and nausea and she wasn't sure she could s14 to school - she drove him all week except Friday.
W needs more info from me to complete the divorce papers and I told her to have the attorney call me - but no word from her. I bet many separated spouses want to start the divorce proceedings so that Valentines shows their affair partners that they are moving forward.
I heard on the radio tonight 4.2 million marriage proposals are made on Valentines. Yikes!
I am still a realist. W is living with another man, she has a divorce attorney, and the only words she has said to me in the past few months is mostly centered on the divorce.
But d19 comes into town next week. I would be surprised if anything is started then, as it would make things uncomfortable for d19's visit.
Does W realize that she could lose custody of s14 if she starts the divorce?
If I could transport you into my mind when I was going through MLC you would get an idea.
This is my opinion of your question about your wife losing custody.
If you asked her if she loved your son.....her answer would be yes, of course, but not many or none of her actions would match. It's as if she is thinking along one time period but living in another at the same time.
Describing MLC is tough because the mind is scrambled. Why does this happen....I don't know. All I can say is it does.
The common sense person looks at the actions and thinks WTF. It absolutely makes no sense.
You are going to keep beating your head against a wall if you try to figure this out. Just keep being the rock in your sons life. I know this may sound trite....but your where your supposed to be and your life will unfold before you as it should. This life is a journey(interesting) but we live in the present moment and that is where we are supposed to be.....not in someone else's mind but in our own moment, that allows us to make the best decisions that we can.
Keep living life for you and your son. At the moment that is what you have and it is important.
