Maybe I'm seeing some replay. She texted that her boss and h stopped and she was going to dinner with them. I replied thanks for letting me know, then nothing back and out and she's out late. I'm glad I know better than waiting up this time around.
You've been seeing replay for quite some time. The wishy washy decisions, the talk about divorce, etc., are all thoughts that occur in replay.
You've handled your situation thus far very well. Try to keep the focus on you and your children because your wife is going to be like a ping pong ball bouncing off the walls emotionally for quite a while.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So w has been gone most nights this week at work so not a lot of interaction. She's texted me quite a bit about her whereabouts and more texts with punctuation. Ive kept my replies short, thanks, etc
the morning after staying out late (refer in to former post) she had an early appointment and I was supposed to take the kids to school. She showed back up when I was making lunches and said she got no showed and had to reschedule and then thanked me for making lunches. I told her sorry about her appointment and that it has to be frustrating. She then talked for almost an hour while I listened, only validating. She told me how her previous day was bad, how the client at her first appt. was a perv, and how the next two both made racist comments (not knowing she is half black). I told her I was sorry that happened and she vented a little about it and then talked about her step family happily. During this time she also offered me a sip of her coffee she had just picked up as she was telling me how good it was. I was shocked! I thought I had cooties or something. That night she said she still hadn't put anything together and then we both went to bed.
The next day I kept it short in the morning and didn't see her until that night. She said she still didn't have anything put together. She told me she was doing something with her friend this weekend and mentioned another upcoming concert. I said okay and talked to her just a bit about d's bday coming up next month and went to bed.
I ended up with d at the office yesterday because she wasn't feeling good and have both kids in the office today and Monday. Good thing I don't have a normal job situation or I don't know how I could be handling everything. When d and I got home w told me that her friend needed to leave town and that she needed to stay at her place over the weekend (referring to not leaving) to watch her dogs. I just said okay, laughing inside; I've been expecting something good for v day. Then she told me she wanted the kids to come over there on Sunday since I get them at my office, am taking d to a bday party Saturday afternoon, and planned on taking both kids out to get a few things beforehand. This bothers me because of her dogs, w said she would lock them up when the kids are over, ugh... I was going to bed when she got home that night but she started talking about other things so I sat down and listened for just a bit before saying I needed to go to bed.
This morning she came and interrupted when d was giving me trouble getting ready. She came in and contradicted me, told me how I was handling it wrong (by turning the light on and calmly sitting and talking to a 6 yo not listening) and quickly made me the bad guy to the kids. She started to escalate things so I just went upstairs and had my tea and was late for work.
There has been no mention of d since last weekend and she keeps saying she hasn't had time for the finances. I really need to get our finances in order but wanting to avoid d talk at the same time. It's frustrating.
I've really been seeing her forgetfulness this week. She told me about a car accident near our house and I told her that was the same spot as the one I told her about the week before and she had no idea what I was talking about. She also told kids they'd have ice cream last night but went into work and to her friends and forgot so I had to take them. She's out of the blue, sworn, then said I forgot x at work a few times this week as well.
I'm trying not to be completely dark but not too eager to talk. Hopefully I can find the right balance.
The Ping pong reference seems very fitting. It seems like I'm seeing quicker stage cycling/hopping but maybe I'm just starting to be able to see them better. I'm definately seeing where I'm at in my cycle better this week.
You are doing very well in listening and validating department. She really is all over the place, but at least she's not mentioning the divorce right now.
Yes, they do tend to get forgetful because they have too much going on in their brains and that also could be part of the depression too.
So, if the kids are w/her some this weekend...then what are your plans while they are w/their mother?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Job, as always thanks for your replies. lm not sure yet how I'm going to keep busy. I have a little vehicle maintenance to do (I actually enjoy this) but it won't take me long. I need to finish painting my bedroom too. I started a few weeks ago and haven't made time to finish. Idk if I like the color so I might start completely over. W and I always did that stuff together and had a good time, her loss I guess. If it's nice I'm definately going to try to get outside.
You've got some projects that will take your mind off of the situation. I always find painting to be soothing/relaxing. Definitely get outside if the weather is pleasant.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So my weekend went better than I expected. Started bad fri afternoon/night; w made me late for my appt by not picking up kids when she said (no biggie if I had more than 15 min notice but in hindsight I can see it was a teenage thing to do and she meant nothing by it). She had dinner made when I got home and left without eating. She texted later and said she fell asleep and prob missed talking to them. We were up late having a dance party so I said we would call before bed. W talked to kids later but our conversation was short and crappy.
W came home early sat am and asked what I had planned. I told her I was taking the kids to get new shoes and a gift for d to take to the party later. I then asked if she would like to join us and she said yes but you have to give me some time to do my hair. We talked for a bit before she got ready and then left. The morning went well, in the store she put her hand in my shoulder to balance when trying on some shoes. I was really surprised, she always keeps her distance. On the way home she suggested grabbing some food and When we got home she made a comment about us being a family with everyone in new shoes. I hadn't heard her mention us as a family in a long time. It was nice to hear regardless if she meant anything by it.
W took son to a play date and I took d to the bday party later but it was more of a drop off one so I got a few things done around the house. W came back shortly after d and I got back home and then left for her friends. She asked what we were doin that night and I told her I was probably going to buy Star Wars to watch with the kids. She said she'd like to watch it with them too so I said I would wait and she said thanks. I was really suprised because she's told me she hates the movies in the past. She also said that her friend's place wasn't kid friendly and she would probably come over again in the morning. She asked what I had planned on doing Sunday when I thought I'd have the kids. I said I had been thinking of going ice skating but if she was going to hang out we'd do something different. Then I asked if she'd like to try. She said no but she would go watch. I said I didn't want to exclude her but we would just see how things went the next day. Later after she went to her friend's house I thought it would be good for her to watch but unfortunately I found out there was hockey all day so no public skating. She was short as usual on the phone that night but I did ask her to pick something up for the kids when she came home.
She came back the next morning she brought balloons and chocolate strawberries for the kids. It was windy and chilly so we all ended up watching tv most of the day and w fell asleep for a few hours on the couch. She went back to her friends that afternoon. Kids and I had a good night and she picked them up from me at work this afternoon.
Tonight after putting the kids to bed she vented a little about work problems she was having with her boss's son and made mention of another "work problem" a few times but I didn't inquire. I could tell something was really bothering her though. Finally she just started talking, she told me about problems she was having with her boss. I let her vent a long time and did a good job validating and told her not to do anything until she wasn't so upset. I could see some of her old fire, how she used to vent to me about work before we were married (she was a stay at home mom from then until a year ago, I always told her that her job was the most important but I know now she wasn't happy; there's no other way we could've done it though, what she accomplished with our son is miraculous and she gives herself little credit). After she vented she talked a bit before she went to her room. Before going downstairs she thanked me for letting her vent. I told her of course and she could vent to me anytime. She said I just needed to get it out that's why I was upset this weekend too and thanked me again.
I certainly don't want her to be unhappy but it was kind of nice to hear it all because I know she's been talking to her boss throughout this and I think she also steers w towards D.
Hopefully I'm not looking too much into the last few days. W did say " I need to save money for my situation" during her complaining but that was the only mention of such. She looked a lot better than she has been lately even though I can tell she is hurting with her medical problem tonight.
I'm trying to keep remembering not to have any expectations and to keep on making myself better.
