Awesome post Zeph - and totally on base - I will try to reply when I have a little time.
Proper food for thought in your post. Today I have been good, more detached than ever. Maybe I'm dropping the rope that people keep talking about
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
W came to my room this morning before leaving for work at 6:20
She said she hoped we could still do things together (after D) and she knows I have said we will not but she hopes so like last evening Sunday dinner.
She asked me not to reply but to think about it.
She said I hope you don't hate me , I said I will never hate you.
She said I will probably get the letter on Thursday (when I am back from working away) and she said I would probably be mad, angry and hate her. She said she was sorry but they are always written this way.
She wished me a good trip and asked if I would ring to speak to the boys and she guessed I would probably not want to speak to her. I said I would ring and left it like that.
Nothing of note except her guilt coming to the fore and her wish to be friends.
I am pretty well detached and I think she feels it a bit, all yesterday she kept looking over at me , almost staring, as I got on with what I was doing. I was on my phone a lot and she kept trying to see the screen, I kept it away from here gaze more so than ever before, being mysterious.
I am detached and I will GAL for the next three nights and try not to think of W.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hey there IS, did you get any paperwork from solicitor yesterday, we are all here for you.
This is the so very hard, you can lean on us a bit to help get you off of center, uness of course you are doing prelim tour de france and dont have cell access in which case, carry on
I haven't been on the boards for a few days. Too busy working and GALing every evening.
I got home last night and the solicitors letter was waiting.
W has instructed a solicitor to seek a D under the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. I have 21 days to reply and am advised to reply via my own solicitor.
I was pissed off last night after reading it as the particulars of unreasonable behaviour were very cutting and full of half-truths, rewriting history, lies, distortion, and make believe.
In the UK Unreasonable Behaviour is the commonest grounds for people to file for D. The solicitors routinely make up or exaggerate the truth so that the courts will proceed with the D. The other party can agree or contest. Most people agree as the grounds for divorce and the particulars are never publicised and if contested the fees go through the roof.
So the lies, and half-truths etc are just part of the process but very very hard to read without getting resentful and angry, even if that anger is internalised.
So going forward I am making arrangements to see a solicitor asap to reply to W's solicitor. I will not contest the D. I will not drag my feet.
Zephyr - I promise I will reply to your post , but things are a bit raw at the mo?
Sandi2 - if you read this, I just read about your loss, and my heart goes out to you.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I will take a page from the Lady V novel (i am pretty sure i would name it V is a superstar if there is not already a name) and say it is food for thought, reply only if you want to talk and you have every eight to day no thank you here. This us touchy stuff and i know how hard this hits.
Hi Isit, I'm sorry to hear this. As you know, my H filed on these grounds, but I provided some examples he could use - really to spare myself the hurt of receiving what you received.
Is what you have a draft for comment? (That's what I initially got - I didn't change anything, but I could have suggested changes before the D petition was logged.) You can make comments even if you don't contest too.
What stung me more was the wording of the court letter for the decree Nisi, saying the judge deemed H couldn't reasonably be expected to remain M to me, given my behaviour. I'm sure it's just a standard letter....but ouch!
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto - yes I have a draft particulars for comment I think.
Her solicitors advise that they will file in 21 days anyway, regardless of what I do.
They advised me to instruct my own solicitors - I have an appointment next Friday..
Sotto - how long has your D dragged out? Is that just because your H is not pushing it? Are you separated?
I am thinking of separating if I can get a short term let.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Hi Isit, H filed in Sep, and TBH I have always responded promptly for any info requests. I decided not to try and put any 'drag' into the process. However, as our finances are rather complex at H's end, we have requested further info and this has delayed things. In the disclosures process he declared some 'interests' but didn't give any supporting evidence for example.
So, it took from Sept to Jan from filing to the decree Nisi issue. Then he can finalise the D in late Feb - but only when the � settlement is agreed. We are negotiating that atm. Our marital home also hasn't sold yet, but I presume that doesn't delay the D as long as we've agreed what will happen to the sale proceeds.
Yes, I agree that getting your own place might be a good plan - space and healing for you at a difficult time perhaps...
Take care my friend (Oh, and have you considered a divorce recovery workshop at all?) If you Google DRW, there are many local groups in the UK. I've found it really helpful and have made some new friends there.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Rents are so expensive in the UK that renting and paying a mortgage would likely make us overdrawn - unless I accept moving to a cheaper place until the D and financial settlement is finalised.
I guess I need to ask my solicitor a load of Questions.
Ps w has said she will pay for all D costs if I don't contest.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
