Howling Winds on The Borderline

[HaWho]

Link to old thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2636043#Post2636043

And thanks to everyone for all the support. You are such a great group of people. AJ - I haven't seen you post anywhere in quite some time. I hope you are ok?

Well, Job, I waited a day and sent h an adorable picture of our dog and wrote: "Bow wow wow" 15 minutes later h wrote back: "arff."

Hmmm. Maybe I should just pass the phone off to the dog and have him talk directly to h. It might be saner.

So last night S12 was showing h a crazy surfing video. H told S12 that it was cool but h was too old to do that now. Kinda funny as I am pretty sure S12 was not showing this stunt to his father with the expectation that h would re-enact it!!! But I thought: YES, be too old!! When did acting your age become so taboo?!? I didn't say anything but h again announced (louder this time): "I am too old for that." He seemed to want a response. I thought about asking: "does this mean you are done with the replay portion of your MLC?" Can you imagine if I did? But I said nothing. SO exhausted am I about hearing about aging. Boring . . .

Personally, I am so tired of this whole pervasive mantra of: 50 is the new 20, 40 is the new 10 and if you are 30, well, you are just being born. Everywhere I turn people are refusing to acknowledge they are aging AT ALL. In fact many seem to believe they are getting younger. Which is why my new celebrity crush is Laurence Fishburne.

I watched him on a late night interview this week. He is playing a grandfather in a new role. He is in his early 50's and the interviewer asked him how he feels about playing a grandfather role. I expected the usual drivel: "I feel the same as I did when I was 20, I still roll in at 3am three nights a week and nothing stops me, blah, blah, blah." But no, he names his age AND said he is okay playing a grandfather as he is of that age! And he says that your 50's are all about "grace"--wow, what a sexy answer. But HAH-clearly he has not been lurking on this forum!

More peek-a-boos from h. Last night he wrestled the dog, just as he used to do. He watched tv with us and tussled with S12, a lot. It was very attractive. He had the same lightness about him from pre-MLC.

As I was making dinner he asked me if I wanted to share the specialty beer I gave him for Xmas. I said sure. I finished making dinner--no beer was opened and I figured he was snatched back into that fog. We had a TV dinner as there was a game all the boys wanted to see. As I sat down, h carried me over my beer. I said "oh thank you," kind of surprised, as I really was.

He just left to walk the dog and pick up S10 at a friend's house. He was pushing hard for S12 to come with him. S12 declined. But, h really seemed to want his company. He notices the kids more and more.

I think he's well on his way to reconnecting with the dog as now they have intitiated two deep text conversations.

[Sotto]

Goodness me HaWho, your H is a hoot! It does sound as though he is rather more engaged and less foggy. Whether that will be sustained, or whether he'll dip back into fog - who knows. However, I'm sure you'll handle things with your usual grace and humour.

Shame dogs can't text really

[mleigh4]

I agree, I tend to admire the people who enjoy their age instead of fight or deny it.

I am happy to hear H is getting so close to the dog! I am sure dog is much more understanding Also happy to hear he is noticing the boys. Enjoy the peek outs, I hope they keep coming.

[BrightFuture]

I think he's well on his way to reconnecting with the dog as now they have intitiated two deep text conversations.

OMG, this is so funny! I wonder what dog “thinks” about it, LOL.

Thanks for the updates. It is fascinating to “watch” these moments of your H picking out of the tunnel. I’m sure it is not very fascinating for you thought, but it seems like you are taking it with well and find humor in it. I’m very curios what he actually feels. Does he realize that his behavior is different when he is in his MLC mood? Maybe one day you will learn and share.

[LouR]

Hi HaWho

I'm Getting Older ...there, I said it, its out there in the universe now lol. I'm also falling apart at the seams and that is the not so nice thing about ageing, but hey ho, it is a part of the journey on this mortal planet and accepted as such.

I am in awe of you, seriously I am. I am not sure if I would have the stamina or patience to remain as tolerant as you are. To survive you see the humor and I appreciate that you share it with us, I also appreciate it cannot be easy living within the ML crazy daily.

So Dr Doolittle is communicating with Dog on a deeper level now, well that's a talent to be proud of !! I wonder if he (your h, not the dog) will recall any of his weird behavior when the fog clears or if it will be erased with only your DB entries and memories as proof of his antics ? It will be interesting .....

[HaWho]

Bright- they do say the oddest things in these peek outs. Sometimes, as a 180, I fantasize about taking him gently by the elbow and saying "there, there" as I lead him back to the dorm room and just close the door.

Oh Lou, thank you for acknowledging that you are aging! It is the elephant in the room for all of us so we might as well offer him a cocktail and a seat!

Judging from my own depression I do think there will be certain things he will recall, even if he won't admit to them.

Actually, I saved lots of the weird text conversations. I have one of the conversations where I ask him to let me know if he meets that woman/those women who look at him "meaningfully." I then go on to ask him to give me a courtesy heads up if he is meeting them in hotel rooms, at apartments, in chat rooms, in coffee shops or for lunches/dinners. He texted back that he agreed. Of course he very well could have lied and gone and done all that but having proof of the conversation itself is pretty amazing.

Think about that one! I tell him to let me know if he is meeting up with women in hotel rooms and he agrees as though this is all normal!!

Some gems that were not recorded but are precious MLC ruminations:

-Night before my 40th birthday when h told me he wanted to sleep with other women (again) to "live life" he also said he wanted his freedom to go off for YEARS at a time and that he wants to do this every 7 years!!! Then he tells me President Roosevelt did these same "expeditions" every 7 years?!?! (Thankfully we were at a restaurant and I had a very strong gin and tonic that quickly became a very good friend to me.)

-He told me he wants to go and be Indiana Jones (and he was serious).

-In "the letter" (SO many MLC pearls in there!) he tells me his "eyes have been opened to lots of other options" and it is my job to help "close them" if we are to have a "traditional marriage." (Traditional as opposed to what he kept asking for: an open marriage.). One of the many great ideas he had as to how I could "close his eyes to other options" was that I could just dress sexy ALL the time! He actually writes "in public and in private." Wrap your head around that: the way to have a "traditional" marriage is for me to be "sexy" all the time. That is so traditional, after all!! Can you see me running carpool in stilettos and lingerie? How about when I am meeting a client? (Pre-MLC my h did not want me going out looking trampy so they really do become a mirror image of themselves.)

Imagine if I agreed to this? For a year now there would be pictures of me looking all sexy in the photo albums and years later I could tell the kids: your dad was having an MLC and wanted me to look sexy 24/7. That's why I look like a hooker at that funeral. I was saving my marriage kids!

-And at the end of the letter he tells me if I don't agree to all his "terms" he will go out and find someone who does! He tells me can do this easily as he has so much to offer.

And of course, if I listened to him my Christmas tree would still be up today! I would be taking it down this weekend.

[AJM]

HW, I have to apologize. I read the above about the dog and the stilettos and I thought, "gee, why not dress the dog up like a hooker, get him a tramp stamp and put some really nice lipstick on the pi..er dog to save your marriage?"

I just could not for the life of me stop laughing...

I apologize. I know it's more serious than getting a short skirt for the dog.

AJ

[HaWho]

Hi AJ - so nice to hear from you and good to know you are laughing. It is the very best medicine.

Now I am picturing coming home to find my h making out with the dog: his OW!!

[Sotto]

HaWho, my H said the same thing about dressing sexy. I asked him what he thought would get our M back on track (pre-DBing of course) and dressing sexy was the one thing he came up with. (He was mid-A at this point...)

He said he wanted to feel driven crazy by me when we were sitting watching TV. It all sounded like I was going to miss the end of the programme, you know?? Our sitch morphed from unhappiness about his work set up and a complicated life where he felt lonely, then sex became a big theme and settled onto his need to become a father again (full time this time..)

But much of what you said above resonated with me. AJ - nice to see you posting again - I missed your wise comments.

Take care HaWho xx

[job]

AJ,
It's good to see you posted and I about died laughing at your posting about him dressing up the dog. I can just picture him doing that and the poor dog...well, that's another story. But, if HaWho's H and the dog start howling at the moon, it will be time to call the men in white coats!

I have to hand it to HaWho's h, he is definitely a very unique individual. Wonder what he'll come up w/next.