MB I read them because theyre usually one liners. So I would read them even if I deleted them. And he does sometimes text about the kids or his mother.
As for calling 911. I didn't go over there. I have in the past and then I would walk in and he would just be there drinking beer and listening to sad music.
He does what works. Or what he knows has worked in the past. Which is why I didn't go.
Today he said he will stop texting me since he sees I don't love him or think about him. Said he sees how easy it is for me to ignore him.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
Rain, it sounds like you are doing a good job of DBing. If W said those things to me I'd run right over and tell her how much I love her. Of course the fact that you don't do those things is why it works. Who dropped us into this alternative universe?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Rain, it sounds like you are doing a good job of DBing. If W said those things to me I'd run right over and tell her how much I love her. Of course the fact that you don't do those things is why it works. Who dropped us into this alternative universe?
Thanks NYGal but I'm not. I can only not respond when I ask myself what me responding will change. Will he magically decide to do what I need him to do? Will I suddenly feel loved and safe with him again?
It seems like I'm just pushing him further away. But whats the alternative for me? Pretending that all of this is okay and rug sweeping because he isn't mature enough to actually face and deal with our issues. And that is not acceptable anymore. It just isn't.
We R after his PA. And all that happened was fighting and him taking the A to an EA which he got a lot better at hiding. Screw that.
You did awesome, Rain! You are quickly becoming a DB master! The really crappy thing about running right over to them, NYGal, is it just reaffirms that you are their monkey on a chain and all they have to do is jerk it and you'll come running. If they wanted to come back/be with us, they would be. They wouldn't have to engage in these petty, pathetic displays for attention. I can't tell you the number of times my H has reached out just asking me to share my heart and tell him exactly how I feel, and then when I do...nothing. They're not ready to do the work to come back...they just want to make sure we're still hanging around waiting for them.
You did awesome, Rain! You are quickly becoming a DB master! The really crappy thing about running right over to them, NYGal, is it just reaffirms that you are their monkey on a chain and all they have to do is jerk it and you'll come running. If they wanted to come back/be with us, they would be. They wouldn't have to engage in these petty, pathetic displays for attention. I can't tell you the number of times my H has reached out just asking me to share my heart and tell him exactly how I feel, and then when I do...nothing. They're not ready to do the work to come back...they just want to make sure we're still hanging around waiting for them.
Anna! That's horrible. To ask you to open your heart and share your feelings only to give you nothing back. Grrrr Annas H. Let me know when you want me to make my call and analyze him. LOL
And thanks Anna. But like I said to NYG im not doing well. When we do have an exchange (child, finance or Mom related) they leave a LOT to be desired. I know my anger comes through. And sometimes my sadness. Mainly because he always sneaks in R talk and blame. If it wasn't for my mouth we would be okay is his go-to. A and cam girls are never the problem. Go figure.
I have gotten better at ignoring R and guilt texts. That's pretty much where I am. I want to be where you are. So that the interactions we do have leave him speechless LOL. What is going on? Has she found someone else? Does she not love me anymore? Why is SHE so happy?! Ahhh. A gal can dream.
Rain (moi): 40 Ex Fiance: 39 3 kids On/off again EA & PA Last BD by ow 12/15 Moved kids and myself back into our own place: 12/15
So I guess he is on the hunt for a new (or old) girlfriend. He wanted me to know that since "I" decided to end things. He hopes I am happy. He will do what I want and move on. Oh the joys of loving a teenager in a mans body.
And I'm sure he will find one quick. Stupid model looks of his! I want to stop this. Desperately. I don't want him to find someone else and do for her what he didn't do for me. I don't want an accidental pregnancy.
But I will either STFU or wish him well. Either way I will not buckle. Because if I did I would still not have the R I want and deserve. I would always feel insecure and be waiting for the other shoe to drop. So what's the F'ing use.
But how great is it that now I'll have this to think about?!.
Rain, are the boys with you? If they are, there is nothing that F needs to say to you about them that is an emergency right at this moment. You know they are alright. So, give yourself and your nerves a break and don't open your text messages for the rest of this afternoon....or for as long as you can stand it. He isn't going anywhere. He is throwing everything he can think of out there just trying to find ANYTHING that you will bite at so he can engage you in the same old begging and lies that you aren't going to believe anyway. He's just baiting you! You're letting him torment you by reading it. Absolutely nothing has changed today....it's the same as yesterday, the day before, the day before, and so on. He's not anymore looking for a new girl right this moment than he was yesterday or than he will be tomorrow. NOTHING HAS CHANGED except for your response and it's confusing him so he keeps trying what has always worked before. Eventually, he will figure out that doesn't work anymore. Then, he will have to figure out what will if he wants to keep you in his life.
You ARE doing an awesome job at DB for the moment. Keep it up! And, when you DO have to talk to him, you can, even if only for 10 minutes while on the phone, ACT AS IF you are thrilled that he's out of your life and you have some other hunky supermodel that loves you and is giving you what you want/need. Kill him with cheerful kindness. Remember when I talked about being at H's house and that skanky b ow walked in like she owned my H and my house? She was so freaking bubbly it drove me nuts. Irritated the S@#t out of me! Do the same to him (but don't over bubbly it, lol). It WILL make him wonder why you are so happy. If he goes into the R jibberish, IGNORE it and redirect the conversation to what you want/need to talk about. If you've already talked about whatever you needed to talk about, then pleasantly END the conversation. Done. He will then sit there scratching his head and wondering WTF happened to Rain!
You CAN do this. Just focus on your goal before you ever answer the phone. And, if he comes over, either don't let him in, or leave and let him visit with the boys. You do not have to do this on HIS terms. This is YOUR show now. Run it the way YOU want to. He gets no say in Rain's show.
(((((Rain))))). I am sorry he's manipulating you and making you hurt so badly. Just hold your head up and put an end to it. I know you can. It's going to hurt either way, at least this way you might make progress toward YOUR goal. We are here to lean on if you need us.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
To me, it sounds like contrived statements just to get a rise out of you. What he is doing/saying isn't getting the desired results, so he is turning up the heat. I'm in behavior health and one of the things we talk about is the "extinction burst." If you have a child who throws a tantrum at the grocery store because she wants a candy bar and you buy them one just to shut them up, you have reinforced the behavior. So next time, they will try it again because they know it worked before. I.e., XF has said things to elicit a particular response from you, and eventually it wears you down and you react, whether positively or negatively. So you reinforced his behavior, and he will keep doing it every time he wants a response. In order to break a particular behavior, you have to stop reinforcing it (common sense, I know). But when you stop reinforcing a previously reinforced behavior, it makes the individual upset because they aren't getting the result they expect. So, like XF, they turn up their response. The child will throw the mother of all tantrums. XF is upping the ante by talking about dating other people and moving on because he is SURE that will bother you and will break down your NC response. But if you continue to ignore/fail to reinforce the "extinction burst," eventually they get the message that you are not going to reinforce their undesired behavior anymore, and they stop trying. It works on kids as well as men.
Hi Rain, I think that he is trying to control you, so you are still there. It feels like he wants you as a safety net for himself if he has no other option. You are doing great. Just carry on your path and all will be revealed to you :-)
The really crappy thing about running right over to them, NYGal, is it just reaffirms that you are their monkey on a chain and all they have to do is jerk it and you'll come running. If they wanted to come back/be with us, they would be. They wouldn't have to engage in these petty, pathetic displays for attention. I can't tell you the number of times my H has reached out just asking me to share my heart and tell him exactly how I feel, and then when I do...nothing. They're not ready to do the work to come back...they just want to make sure we're still hanging around waiting for them.