Wife checked out (2)

[2ltl2lt]

Howdy fellow DBers,

Haven't posted in a few days, been going through the latest drama with WW. Some of her "new friends" happen to be old friends of mine from back in high school and such. Most of whom I have become more of a distant acquaintance of than friends really. Most of them remember me a whole lot more than I remember them just due to my crazy adventures as a youngster. Anyhow, I've had more than one of them contacting me asking if that is my wife on Ashley Madison and Tinder. I'm like, hell yes that's my wife, you might want to stay as far away from me as possible! And tell your sleazy f$$&& buddies I better not even hear a whisper about it again. Somehow she found out that I found out and started blaming me for spying and trying to catfish her through these sites.

First of all, I didn't even know what catfishing was until that moment. Then I got on her about it being bad enough that she is destroying our family and now she is trying to screw with other people's families. Oh I was hot. Then I found out about her sleeping with more than one OP. Now I'm completely out of give a sh!t. I have given the space I have given the time now I've stopped giving a sh!t. There is no way she is going to be alright.

[NateG79]

Dude......

[mutatio]

I'm sorry to read this, what are your plans?

[2ltl2lt]

I'm going to give it a little more time to make sure I don't make any decisions out of anger. Then on over to consult with a L. I'm not one to go the distance with this standing business. If she truly doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with me then I'm not going to try to convince her that she is wrong. I hate it for the kids sake and I hate that it has come down to this.

[mutatio]

Your plan seems sound. The looking for other men would be very difficult for me to get past. It's one thing to meet a person and fall for them. It's another search out a random person named Dick or Peter. Honestly, that's close to deal breaker for me.

How are you? This must hurt. Do you have much hope? Are you in IC? Please know we're here for you buddy.

[Sotto]

Hi 2lt, I'm sorry to read this. Your W is WW at this time for sure. She's a bit like my H - he checked out of the M and started asking OPs on dates (without ever saying he'd become unhappy in our M.)

I agree your plan sounds good. You are having an initial reaction, and your feelings about everything could change in time. Best to allow yourself that time and make sure you have no regrets. She may be completely 'done' with the M right now, but that may not always be the case of course - though you are right not to try and convince her of anything.

I can appreciate how hurt your must feel. It's worth recognising that she is probably also doing this from a place of hurt (albeit buried under layers of rebellion, entitlement etc. Just now.) She is seeking affirmation or highs or whatever in such places and is doing this 'for herself' rather than 'to you.' If you can remember that it may help.

In time you may decide this is a deal breaker, and time will tell. If it is, you can make your own plans to resolve things, heal and move on. However, I don't think it's time to go there just yet.

Do take care, and I'm sorry for your pain just now xx

[Zephyr]

2lt, taking a couple of days to think is a great idea.

Calm, deep breath, spend some amazing energy on you to help clear your head.

Then please go see a lawyer to get a consultation and if you can, go see a IC (and start to really really start working on your boundaries, ok). The revelation that your wife is doing what she is, can truly put us into a downward spiral.

The one thing you have to remeber through all of this, you did not break her. She is cratering from some issues that happened before you were part of her life, these thing are coming back up and they have shattered her and she is now looking to try some form of feeling normal...it is a sad sad reality that she is in right now.

Her accusations of you spying and whatever are complete BS in the real world, however in her head she is making you her enemy. Be careful.

Protect yourself and your kids. Make this a priority. Do not sleep with her at all, for whatever reason.

Now more than any time in your life, you need two start self-care and teally focus your energy on u and your kids. Her path is her own and you need to let that boat sail to wherever het winds take it.

Keep posting, vent here, we are good sponges for that, ok???

[2ltl2lt]

Thanks for the support y'all,

I'm pretty much over the shock and pain for the time being. I have talked to my IC about this and she has really kept me in the present moment. I know WW has to sort this out on her own and I am not the reason this is happening. Still hate that it is.

[2ltl2lt]

Just to take my mind off of this crap I started thinking about some of the other adventures I had as a teenager. The way I was before my W came into the picture. So the following memory popped up:

We lived in a rundown drug ridden trailer park when I was in the first two years of high school. I rode the bus when I had to and I always noticed this kid that got on at the third stop from me. This bus went to my school, high school, as in 9th-12th grade. That would put most every student at least 14 years old. Well this kid looked about 9 or 10 in my opinion. He was so pale and thin that I thought he must be neglected or malnourished or something. He was very quiet and always sat alone. I was fairly well respected in our school and began feeling kinda sorry for the little guy after a while.

One day I decided to sit with him on the bus and try to talk to him . When I moved to his seat he recoiled a little and scooted all the way in towards the window of the bus. I asked him what his name is and he whispered back " my name is Charlie". I introduced myself and started to try and make small talk. He wouldn't say much but answered any question that I asked. I did this for a few days in a row before he told me that he was diabetic and had a blood sugar imbalance that left him small and pale. He was in fact 14 years old. He said his folks didn't have the money to properly care for his illness.

After that I told him that I would look after him if anyone was picking on him or giving him a hard time. That started a chain reaction of events that began with him following me and my friends around a lot and trying to keep up with us when we were doing our thing. Our thing at the time was riding dirt bikes and swimming in the creek behind our trailer park. It was getting to be spring time and the rain had the creek up out of it's banks. Now, around here we have fire ants. They are a particularly nasty little creature that delivers a painful sting. They tend to build their mounds near water and they love the soft sandy soil in our region.

Being near the water, these little buggers have developed a way to survive when the rains come and swell the creeks. They all crawl out of the Earth and surround the queen in a basketball sized mass of writhing ants. The way they hang on to one another allows the entire colony to float on top of the water. The ants constantly climb up and around each other so as not to be under the water for too long. It is quite a sight to see. During this particular flood my friends and I decided to try and swim across the swift water. My frail new buddy Charlie was there and against my warning he jumped in and started to panic. The water was rather cold and it sent him into shock. He was completely helpless and moving quickly downstream. I immediately jumped in after him and start flailing my arms as fast as I could. I could see him going under and resurfacing further away every time.

I kept swimming as hard as I could and finally caught up with him. I grabbed his arm and started toward the bank. When I got him into shallow enough water to where I could touch bottom, I saw that he had crossed paths with one of the many fire ant balls floating along in the current. He was absolutely covered with them. As I pulled him out my buddies were running to help and started swiping wildly trying to get the ants off of the kid. We finally get all the ants off of him and he is just polka dotted with bites still incoherent from the shock. I wrapped him up in towels and carried him to my ATV and took him home.

His mother rushed out of the dilapidated trailer they lived in and glared at me like a demon. I had never seen such a mixture of emotions on a human beings face. She carried him inside and called 911. An ambulance came and took him about 20 minutes later. I didn't see him on the bus or at school for months and no one was ever at his house when I would try to find out how he was doing. Right at the end of the year he was back on the bus. I asked how he was doing and what all had happened. He said that his parents had forbade him from coming anywhere near me or any of my friends. I never spoke to him again and his mother never thanked me for saving his life. I'm still not sure if they just blamed me for the whole deal or what.

[2ltl2lt]

My beautiful D has a dance compition this weekend and S a fun Cubscouts event. W will have D and I will have S. I hate thinking of these as seperation things. I guess I better get used to it for now.