This is really good news. Now, you have to continue working on you and not allowing things to escalate to the point of being arrested/charged for something. I know you will do your best in keeping to the straight and narrow. I wouldn't share any of the news w/your h...he doesn't need to know.
Keep the focus on you and your family. Leave him to twirl in the wind.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I completely agree. I'm not telling H one single thing about it. That man is out to get me however he can.
I will not be getting in trouble ever again. I've never done it before, either. It certainly wasn't worth it. Getting in trouble over current H? Yeah. Not such a good thing.
He's trying to work around my L again - I'm not going for it. He wants me to submit my proposal for spousal support directly to him so we can "talk about it". Right. I'll send it to her, and cc him. I sense trouble down that road!
I'm ready for this all to be over. I can't believe I'm still standing, honestly. I'm a lot stronger than I ever knew.
My poor children. I didn't realize how frightened they all were, until I saw my daughter's face when she heard the news. She was texting all her siblings as we were leaving the courthouse. One more black mark against H - his little game hurt my kids more than they were already hurt.
Hi Ancaire .. yes the children are not protected in any way from the hurt and damage the MLC cause. Yet the MLC'r is so blind to it all. I think with young kids, teens , young adults of this generation, they are are more and more educated on depressions and mental illness that they accept it and figure they'll get out of the way as well. In school, facebook, GTA games, they mention MLC often. I never noticed it until it affected my family.
As for today, I'm happy for you, you really had a great day. The court will surely look at it from all angles. When it all comes out and you have a little community service to do. That's great.
I hope you get a good night sleep tonight. You deserve it.
hugs
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
My silence wasn't good, I'm sorry to say. I think the entire situation with the court case had kept me so distracted by being worried about my future, that I never really processed what led to me having a court case to begin with: H and his betrayals.
The weirdest thing happened. After I found out I'll likely be okay, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks - my beloved H had cheated on me. He's treated me cruely and with contempt. He's walked out on our family.
The reality just slammed into me - I'll never, ever be the same again. I've been crying on and off for days, and sick with it, too. I was doing so very well, so it's something of a disappointment to be struggling so much again.
I don't know if struggling is the right word - "crying" is definitely the right one. I am so hurt and broken inside. H's betrayal, my own bad decisions and actions, it's all just so painful. He really hurt me. I trusted him to never hurt me, and he's hurt me on so many levels, I'm reeling now.
I'm a bit calmer today - but so very sad. I think I was just so distracted by everything else, I never really had a chance to process the pain that led to me losing my head to begin with - after the event, it was all about trying to recover from my reaction - never what led to the reaction.
H has been very strange lately, being upset with me for not saying "hi" when I see him and being upset with me for not being friendly. He had the nerve to threaten me with moving back home on Friday, because he's unhappy with where the support agreement is heading.
I told him there was no way I would allow him to move back home in order to punish me. I told him that his attitude was not in any way in the right place for that to even happen, ever. What I didn't tell him was how much it killed me inside to have him threaten me with what I want most in the world as a punishment.
He spent all day Saturday here, too. Our eldest son and his wife were coming over for a while with grandbaby, which I was really looking forward to. I wasn't expecting H to show up and stay, and there was no real way to throw him out without upsetting the kids.
He invited me to dinner with all of them. I declined, saying it would be too weird. What game is he playing? I was supposed to go out and play "happy family"? To what purpose? I just don't understand him at all anymore. How can you hate me one minute, be mad at me for not being friendly the next, inviting me out to a family dinner, and then ignoring me for days?
Is it MLC confusion? Is it game-playing to the nth degree? I don't know for sure. I just know it's knocking me off-center and keeping me so very confused and unhappy. I hope this week is a better week. Hopefully, I've got the majority of the mourning behind me for now. I feel so empty inside...so disappointing because I was feeling so hopeful.
Oh ((((((((Ancaire)))))))) I just want to give you such a big hug after reading your post. I'm so, so sorry you've had such an awful few days. I think it is only natural that now the main stress of your court case has been eased you are back to grieving for everything else that is happening/has happened. For a while there the court case was the main focus and took the focus off what H has done.
I don't think there is any way to understand how H behaved when your S and his wife came over. I'm so sorry it put a sadness on your time with them. He could have invited you out of guilt, or because he thinks that is what he should do, or it could be because he wants to try to start reconnecting, or it could be none of those. We can't understand their craziness while they're in MLC.
It is so terribly confusing and draining. Is there something you can do that was working before the court case to help get you through this rush of feelings? Take care, sending lots of hugs your way.
The weirdest thing happened. After I found out I'll likely be okay, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks - my beloved H had cheated on me. He's treated me cruely and with contempt. He's walked out on our family.
The reality just slammed into me - I'll never, ever be the same again. I've been crying on and off for days, and sick with it, too. I was doing so very well, so it's something of a disappointment to be struggling so much again.
Hi Ancaire I've gone through this emotion many times. It's normal to question how could they do this to us. Lack of respect and no empathy to our feelings. Most of us and I mean most of us had no clue this BD was going to happen. We trusted our spouse with our hearts and soul. That is what hurts the most.
Your H seems a lot like my W. Mood swings and trying to be my friend until she snaps again because I don't fall into her master plan of Lalaland and gumdrops.
I personally won't be her friend. No need to be because she can't give me what I want from her.
I wish you continued strength and remember they have their journey and they will go through many stages. Us the LBS have so many stages as well. Don't fight them. The hurt and pain, the shock, acceptance and then back to hurt. As you travel your path it will be better. You will be stronger. I hope your H path crosses yours at the end of it all
Hugs Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Hi - just wanted to say I am sorry all the feelings are hitting you. Post and vent often to get it all out. We have all been there!
Regarding your h's cycling/spinning, when my h does this, I calm down and take a few minutes to decide what I want to do FOR ME (despite h's presence or whatever he says). In the beginning when I was unused to all his fluctuations it was very hard, but soon it became second nature.
Focus on you and making YOU happy.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Regarding your h's cycling/spinning, when my h does this, I calm down and take a few minutes to decide what I want to do FOR ME (despite h's presence or whatever he says). In the beginning when I was unused to all his fluctuations it was very hard, but soon it became second nature.
Focus on you and making YOU happy.
That's what this is? H is cycling? It is so confusing...
Well, by cycling I mean he is all over the map! It's like living in a "Where's Waldo?" book.
You can spend a lot of your time watching your h and trying to figure out if that's the "real" Waldo. I was the queen of this so I can tell you what a colossal waste of time it is. It's like watching/analyzing a teenager's every move. Is this a useful endeavor?
Turn the focus to you and doing what YOU want.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
