A new way of thinking 2

[Vanilla]

Sorry that's her mums not his!

V

[mustardseed]

Ancaire, I am just catching up. Great news about court! That disaster will finally be behind. you. As for the emotional roller coaster. Trust me--I know. Everyone keeps telling me that when it is all over I will be so much better, but right now the limbo, the games, and the hold he still has over me due to the money and kids, and the molasses speed in which this broken system seems to move makes it really hard to trust that I am actually going to make it to the other side.

Faith is all we have, and when that is faltering the best we can do is just count our current blessings to try and move forward. We now have awareness. We now have started to get pieces of ourselves back that we lost to our narcissistic H's. I'm alive--more alive then I have been in years, and that is good. I liked the security that I used to have when I was in denial--because right now I am so sad, scared, and angry--but I like the sense of self that is starting to reawaken. I will never give that up to anyone ever again.

[mutatio]

Sending you love Ancaire, be well

[Painter]

Judy, I'm so sorry you've had a rough time and dealt with this pain.
I know your H has been extra difficult to deal with, but is there a way you can just be polite to him when there's nothing special going on? Not saying hi gives him more power than he should have, I feel.

I was wondering about these charges against you - did you ever get a doctor's statement about the interactions of medications to help them understand that this was not something you could have predicted or expected to happen?

I am so sorry that things are difficult.

[dday]

Anc. Sorry that you have been down. Just remember that there are many people that care for you, and are pulling for you. You are an awesome lady! I truly hope that things will turn around for you soon.

Be well

[- MB -]

Judy, If you're reading this, come back and talk to us. We can help you! There are lots of people on here to talk to and get advice from. Sometimes just hearing other's thoughts and opinions helps you come up with a plan and once you get a plan and something to work towards, it helps to make you feel better.

I hope you're doing okay. We sure do miss your words of wisdom and really want to help you like you've helped so many others.

........and, I'm not kidding about coming down there if you need me! All you have to do is say the word. I can give you a hug in person.

[SciDad]

Ancaire,

How is my southern Belle doing today? We're here for you - whatever you need, no questions asked.

That pain you feel? That's a good thing! It means you had repressed some feelings to protect yourself and you're finally in a safe enough place to deal with them. But you don't have to do it alone. Feel free to vent, to scream, to waffle, to love. We all understand and support you no matter what you feel. Because you are you and these are your feelings.

You are strong and you will make it through this, but I'd love to help.

[Ancaire]

I'm feeling like one giant ball of hurt, really. I don't know if this is MLC or if my H has always been one giant butthead and I just never saw it. I know he's always been focused on himself - but we all are in a way, aren't we?

The last year or so has been rough - feeling him pulling away and unable to do a thing about it. Something changed in him, and I am at a loss to figure out what it is. All signs point to MLC, except he seems so very rational.

I do know that these are feelings, and they will pass. I guess I'm waiting on them to pass so that I have something somewhat intelligent to say. I'm just blue - an ordinary blue, not the truly scary kind. This hurts, you know? (I know you all do.) To love someone, and have them discard you so abruptly?

I'm still reeling that he's doing this to me when I have so many health struggles. He alternates between telling me it's all in my head - and understanding that it is a real issue. He's been actively encouraging me NOT to apply for government help. He wants me to heal myself by exercising, eating right, and managing myself better.

My doctors say all those thing will help me feel better, but none of them will cure the underlying issues. I've been going along with H, but I've finally realized that is not the best choice for me. I'm not ever going to be 100% better. I think I really wanted to believe that, so I was focusing in that direction.

I told him yesterday I am going to apply for aid, and he freaked out on me. He believes it's all about him - making him responsible for spousal support for life. In our state, spousal support is limited to a specific time frame, unless there is a disability involved, and then it can go on for a lifetime. I assured him that wasn't my intention - I just have to start looking out for myself. I literally cannot survive without health insurance and medication. I’m going to lose that the moment the divorce is final.

He's convinced I can work a full-time job and get benefits for myself. My doctors have restricted me to part-time work only, and that's iffy...I'd have to find a truly understanding boss. I’ve finally wrapped my head around this. I can manage my symptoms (Congestive Heart Failure, Fibromyalgia, and Major Depressive Disorder) but I can’t cure the underlying illness. I wanted to believe I could – there are so many miracle stories out there – but I would be foolish to bank my entire future on a miracle. It’s time for me to face reality and apply for the aid that is available for people like me. H is just going to have to deal with it. He’s abandoned me - I am not his problem. I finally accept that.

I'm not giving up at all - I think I'm finally facing the reality of my situation. I may or may not have a miracle - but I really need to do what is best for me at this moment in time, and that is applying for aid. So today, I'm swallowing my pride, and making the appointments. I'm not happy about it - but it is what it is. I need help, and help is available.

Of course, then I get to start the merry-go-round of dealing with the government. I don't know how people cheat their way into it, really. Valid health problems get kicked out all the time. There are so many law firms out there for the sole purpose of helping people get the benefits they need. Bizarre.

Thanks, everyone, for checking in on me. I've had a Fibro flare-up and haven't been feeling too great. It even hurts to type, but it's a tad better today. I appreciate your checking in and good wishes more than I can say.

Painter - yes. My lawyers have information from my doctors about the medication and interactions - if only I hadn't had alcohol in my system at the time. That part was 100% my fault. I should never have been driving. I'm lucky I didn't get in more trouble, truly. H surely tried, but the officers told him they didn't actually see me driving on a public road - I was on private property at the time. My lovely caring husband tried to get me on that, too. What a way to treat the mother of your children. He was mad because I trashed his reputation, by telling the officers what led to me running into another vehicle - that part (cheating husband) made it into the news.

[NYGal]

Good for you, Ancaire. Get the help you need. You're taking control of your own precious life, and that's good.

[SciDad]

It's OK to be blue. Life isn't perfect

It sounds like you have a good plan of action. Keep thinking about how you can heal or at least manage your health problems. You're not being selfish when your health is involved.

One last thing - detaching is not giving up. It's allowing your husband the opportunity to do whatever the f he wants to do without it affecting you.