That sounds like a tough situation RD. I think I'm siding with V. You are very empathetic and compassionate on the board. But perhaps she needs some of that now.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
It's not that you will be the rug she steps on. It's being a friend, a human being.
From your post I can read frustration between the lines. And you have all the rights to be frustrated with all the insanity.
You are tired too. You are the rock for your kids but I know well how much work it is and how much of your own life is in letting go mode for quite a long time.
You are alone and feel lonely, you are feeling rejected... it's painful, it takes the taste of life away from your mouth.
From all what I read, you tell us what she did. But what are your DB plans? You did some changes and is changing even further, she comes to check who is this man and find the North Pole, cold as hell.
Let's say you do not want to do anything about it, then set up your baundaries and finita la musica. No more W crying around.
You want to do something about it, then try this thing and see if it works, or try that thing and see if that would work. We know DB is not a one size fits all.
If you think she is an MLCer, then you know there will be some time before she gets better. And if you think MLC, you need to start living your own life. It means you may need to start your GAL somehow.
Maybe call W one of these days and ask her to be with the kids because you are going out. If she asks, well with friends.
Maybe you need to show her you are not sitting around and waiting for her, you know well that they have a twisted mind.
Or maybe in one of these talkings ask if she would go to MC for you to have some closure. She would need to face that you want to move on.
RD, you can look at this and say it's done for good, everything is over and will never be it. And yet you know it's not true, because anything and everything is possible.
RD, there are no plans. There is no direction. You love her, then fight for her. Do whatever it takes that your self respect allows you, and bring your girlfriend back home.
Of course it is not so simple, but it is possible, with patient, with the right tunnels and right cheese. Why not?
Could you ask her to have dinner with you, to talk about the kids, their future, doctor stuff. Then one thing goes to other and you may find out a little more about her reasons.
Yeah, maybe I am too romantic, I dream to much, but it's a battle and I am in it to last drop of blood and only then I will say no more, I am done. But I will walk away knowing that I tried all I could.
Maybe the stars are there, maybe it is just some fog that won't allow you to see them. Lift the fog of pain, resentment, disgust, disrespect, anger, rejection among others, and you may see the shining stars.
Every sitch is different RD, maybe in your case it would be wise to let her to approach you, to talk to you, open up her heart and tell you what pain is in her heart.
This woman endured a lot. She gave birth to 4 kids, she raised them and took care after her family, she was there when you were very sick, she did help you to start your business.
Then menopause hit her and she got into depression. She was functioning on automatic, but without noticing she got herself in a deep, dark hole and lost it.
I did found myself in a big depression, my M did not end only because my XH's affair. It was when I gave up on US that we started drifting apart. The affair was just one symptom of the bad sickness.
Maybe you can call one of the DB couch and get some advice from someone that actually works with this every day.
We all make mistakes RD, but it's only the ones that humble themselves that are able to see it clear.
But this is just my opinion, you know better the life that is only yours and know what is best for you and your family.
In anyway you go... I will be here, we will be here to support you and share life with you.
Always I admire you. You are an amazing man and father, and you make many ladies here think why they insist in loving their idiot H or XH.
RD, I don't know your whole stitch, so maybe I have this all wrong. Are you wanting to get back together with your WAW? If not, then I understand. If you do, is there a plan that you see getting you there? In your post, it seems your W was trying to reach out to you. Temp checking? Who knows for sure, but it did seem she was trying to reach out. She might have reached out further, but felt that you were not receptive to it at all. If you are wanting to reconcile, she probably doesn't know that and therefore she may not feel that she can come back because it's too late. If you want her back, I'm not saying to make it easy, but also don't make it seem like it's impossible or she won't even try. I'm just suggestion that you make sure she KNOWS that the door is still cracked should she ever choose to walk back through it. Just my opinion and I'm no expert.
M:45 H:48 M:11 No kids BD:Sept'15 EA:Confirmed 1wk later PA: Oct'15 12 '15 2 wk R Just kidding, H wants NC 12 '15 H back w/OW 4 '15 R &still working on it
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
