I ended up taking the majority of the advice on here and not bringing up divorce with the WW. I did think about it long and hard though. I figured some more time could not hurt and I do not have any pressing issues that divorce would solve. I thought she might bring it up with the new year here.
So my plan now is to pretty much status quo. I will not try and contact her until I need tax documents, so mid Marchish. I sent her a text earlier this week to remind her that we had to file together. It went like this.
"Morning... its freaking freezing! We have to do our taxes together so keep your docs together and I'll do later"
Her response:
"Morning! I was going to text you today. OK I will"
That was it. You were going to text me what today exactly? Anyway, I accidentally texted a wrong number first. I had deleted her contact info from my phone a while ago. That was pretty funny.
6.5 months in and no mention of divorce (I think she would say its clear that thats what she wants though, but that is mind reading). But also no signs of anything else. Besides her flurry of texts during the holidays, basically no other communication. We'll see what the next few months bring. I feel good though. Going to have friends over to my house on Saturday.
I do have one problem in terms of detaching. If my mind wonders, it begins to think about what she is thinking. I have absolutely no idea, she could be miserable or beyond happy or anything in between. Talk about the ultimate cheese less tunnel. I can't answer the darn question and even if I try to I am probably wrong. Yet my mind goes right back to it.
In other ways I think do good. I do not think about what she is doing or who she is with. I rarely get the urge to contact her. I do a decent amount of GAL'ing.
My mind drifts there before bed and when I am driving mainly. Anyone have a similar issue? I think this is the major issue holding back my detachment.
Hi Pinn! Yes and yes- my brain also used to go there at night and while driving. I think that was when it was just me and my thoughts without other major stimuli (well besides the obvious driving stimuli).... But I can say thinking about h has become less and less! In fact, this is the first weekend since I've moved out that I could actually sit and watch a movie at home without my brain going there.
It seems like you are doing well, though! High five! Have you played any hockey lately? Tonight my local hockey team is hosting Star Wars night! I thought about going, but opted to stay in and do some work that I need to finish up. Womp womp.
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Haha... that is too bad! Star Wars night and hockey woulda been a good time!
I play hockey a lot... twice a week and thinking about adding another league in.. not sure yet. That might be too much with work meetings at night, gym and my last class starting soon and getting up at 430 every day. Jeesshhh. By the time Friday comes I am ready to crash by 9!
Had a bunch of friends over last night. It was a good time. Luckily, my WW joined my group of friends rather than vice versa so I still have all of them. We used to host a lot but that was the first time I have had anything at my place since she left.
just a little journalling tonight... feeling blah, not sure what is going. Even had hockey and a work meeting tonight so I have been busy. I am just discouraged. I feel like there might be very minute signs of improvement, but they are very subtle. I try real hard to remain objective when judging an interaction. The little to no contact makes it hard for me to judge what is going on. I have no idea. She could be happy as hell with a possible OM or she could be miserable. I have no idea.
It is the right move though right (little to no contact)? I think it is. I feel like when she does text me now, I am pretty much a pro at how to respond. Short but friendly, no questions. I just don't see the frequency of communication increasing on her part. Haven't seen her in almost 6 months now... haven't talked on the phone in about 5. I do not understand why she is not pushing for D yet? I was thinking back to what it is like to be married the other day and it is getting harder to remember it. hmph
Pinn, I'm not up on your sitch. But I think it's awesome all the gal you are doing. It's funny that you mention trying to remember being married, and how it feels. It just made me realize that I can't put my finger on it either right now. Good luck, we all could use a little of that!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Having a real strong urge to contact my wife today.... so I come here instead :-). Not sure what it is, just have that urge... we all know about that urge. I won't do it but needed to get it out.
What I would really like is for her to contact me without there being some catalyst. I guess that could be my next 'sign post'. 6.5 months in and no signs of anything either positive or more negative. I guess the only thing I know for sure is that I am not pushing her further away. I do wonder what she is thinking and why she has not pushed for D. But making sense of what is going on in a WW's head is impossible.
Sandi mentioned in a different thread that it took 2 years to get over the waywardness. That is such a long time, I could not do that unless there were signs of improvement along the way. Then I also think is it even worth it? Could we both change enough to make this work? Would she repeat this pattern again if we got back together? I do love her and want to be with her so I can be patient for now. But there is only so much one can take.
I am reading no more mr nice guy. That is not at all what I thought it was going to be. As I am reading, I actually do not see myself in it that much, maybe 20%. At the end I can reevaluate then it is on to the love languages... that I am really interested in. I know my wife did not hit mine and I am sure I missed hers. All of it is very interesting.
I guess there is not much else I can do. I am more or less in NC and I just try to take advantage of the few times we do interact by being positive, confident, not asking questions and not pursing.
I do believe limbo is the best training ground for the person you want to be. There is no reason it has to be tough. You can be content, at peace, happy, appreciative in the present, here and now. I think the limbo is actually exactly where you should be, because whatever is preventing you from achieving that peace is exactly where you should be focusing on growing. It's like lighting up arrows showing you the way to go. It is priceless.
Grabbing this from Jguys thread. I think Zues's advice above is great and can keep my focused. I think I am getting there. In a weird way, I am kind of looking forward to seeing how this plays out. Either with my wife or without, it will be adventure that I was not planning on taking.
