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Tfish - I know it hurts. I'm sorry. The early days really sting.

He is not himself anymore. Let him twist in the wind as there really is nothing you can do to fix this for him.

Are you continuing to read all those links Cadet sent to you? Knowledge is power.

You are doing great! Keep taking care of you and your kids.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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I thought I was detaching awesomely and one text...one text...asking me how I am doing sends me spinning...

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Breathe! It's okay. It takes a long time to detach and not react to the things that they say and do. Don't beat yourself up over this one incident. You've get there!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi tfish - give yourself a break, its ok to feel this way, in fact its normal to find yourself spinning at any contact. Allow yourself the courtesy of feeling what you do and know that it will pass.

It does get easier, hang on in there, your doing great!

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I hate seeing him I hate that he didn't get me a Christmas present like he said he would. There is no emotions in his eyes....ok vent....wooosahh now to have a good pma and be aloof

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Some days are harder than others..I know how hard it is in the beginning

None of it is your fault..it is his journey
your forgiveness love and strength will help him

Hang in- it all passes, and you will be stronger and more at peace than ever b4


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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tfish08 Offline OP
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sooooo... He just dropped the he is consulting an attorney and ready to file bomb.... sadly I feel some relief to not be in limbo but Ouch!

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Keep your expectations at zero at all times when it comes to your h. He will say that he's going to do something and then turn around and not do it. You can't rely on him right now.

As for him consulting an attorney and read to file...I'm sorry to hear this...but until you actually get something in hand, I would sit quietly and wait. There are times when the MLCer will say that they are filing and then they don't or they drag their heels. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have any discussions about it w/him at this time. He could very well be baiting you to see what you will say or how you will react.

Try to keep the focus on you and your family for now.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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might be good for you to consult attorney to know your rights just in case

Im not sure if you have done this already

It helped me to know what would happen financially if my xH filed
eventually he did and I was not left in the cold because I was prepared
a good attorney may be worth it if there are many assets


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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he was trying to bait me. I validated when I needed to. I apologized when I needed to and then I told him that I needed to think some more and would talk to him later. I also did not defend myself

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