When you bring kids into the world, you owe it to them to make sure you leave no stone unturned if you are having marital problems and are considering divorce. Except in very toxic marriages, most children really want and need their parents to stay together. Kids don't much care about boring or passionless marriages. They just want their parents to tuck them in bed at night...together. So, if you are at a breaking point with your spouse and you have kids, please do whatever is humanly possible to turn things around. Without question, strengthening your marriage is the best thing you can do for your children. What do you think?
Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting December 13 at 4:03pm
I've realized that I'm totally intolerant of intolerance. Guess I have work to do.
People often ask me if I think lawmakers should make getting a divorce more difficult. Truly, I think a better solution is to make getting married more difficult. In order to get a license, we should require basic relationship skills. Most licenses require coursework, why not a marriage license? Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting December 15 at 1:25pm
The divorce rate has leveled off in all demographic groups except for people who have been married 20 years or more. They call it, "Grey Divorce." My take on this is that so many people have put their relationships on the back burner while their kids are being raised only to find they have NO relationship when kids leave home. Love doesn't wait. What do you think? Michele Weiner-Davis
Today I was at Home Depot and noticed that a woman was very knowledgeable about the questions I had. I complimented her, telling her that she really knew her stuff. She beamed as she told me that this was her first real job in her whole life. I said, "Wow, that's amazing. You're great." Her smile made my day. Giving is such a gift, isn't it?
Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting 12/17/15
One of the most regrettable things about divorce when children are involved is that it doesn't just end marriages, it ends families. As an adult child of divorce, I am speaking firsthand. My parents' divorce when I was 16 years old dissolved my close-knit family life forever. Unfortunately, too many people learn about this fallout of divorce too late.
Michele Weiner-Davis feeling emotional. December 19 at 12:39pm · Boulder, CO
So, here's a request- that you all think of me. I am going to have surgery- a complete shoulder replacement. I'm pretty anxious about it (to say the least) but I'm hoping it changes my life in positive ways after the recovery. I know, deep breaths.
I know personally I wish MWD well and will add my thoughts for her well being - Cadet.
For those of you trying hard to save your marriages, I know I have been missing in action for a few weeks. I have had major surgery- a shoulder replacement- and I've been focusing on my recovery and healing. I hope each and every one of you has a healthy and happy 2016. I know that the holiday season is often the most difficult time of the year. It is my hope that you are feeling strong and that you are surrounding yourself with people you love and people who love you. This suggestion applies beyond the holidays! Here's wishing you and your family a healthy and happy New Year. Much love too! Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting January 6 at 3:56pm · Boulder, CO
As I told you all, I have just undergone shoulder surgery and it is reminding me of several lessons I always teach people when they're struggling in their marriages. The first is the importance of patience. Your marital problems were a long time in the making. Change never happens over night. If you are impatient, you will behave in ways what will make positive outcomes less likely. Going slowly speeds things up. The second is not to assume that the way you're feeling right now- down- is the way you will be feeling forever. Things will change. Your feelings will change. You must keep perspective. Honor your feelings now, but don't get swallowed by them. Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting Yesterday at 12:27pm · Boulder, CO
Today's topic is warning signs before you marry that alert you to trouble spots. These red flags CAN be worked through. Here are 10 pre-marital red flags: 1. You have no effective way to discuss your differences. You end up sweeping things under the carpet or fighting without resolution 2. You haven't discussed and agreed upon important life issues such as where you want to live, whether or not you'll have children, parenting styles if you already have kids, hopes and dreams for your futures 3. One person isn't interested in being physical 4. Arguments that are over-the-top hurtful and of course, any sign of physical violence 5. If one partner abuses substances and is unwilling to work on those issues. 6. Major differences in feelings about in-laws and extended family 7. Authoritative rather than collaborative decision-making styles 8. An unwillingness to ever take personal responsibility for problems 9. Other activities- work, friends, family, children, etc.- always take precedence over the relationship 10. An aversion to getting professional help when necessary Michele Weiner-Davis
I've said it before, I'll say it again. One of the hardest parts of divorce is that it is almost always a unilateral decision - one person wants it and the other desperately does not. How is it that life-transforming decisions can be so blatantly unfair? Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting January 16 at 4:16pm · Boulder, CO
People often say that their affair had nothing to do with their decision to divorce. They are fooling themselves. Although the affair might be a symptom of an underlying problem, once people feel the infatuation of a new relationship, it colors how they feel about their marriage. At least it is important to be honest with oneself. Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting January 19 at 12:59pm · Boulder, CO
There's a saying that people don't make fundamental changes until they hit rock bottom. Although this isn't always true, sometimes it takes things getting really bad, where one spouse is ready to leave the marriage, before the other spouse truly realizes what's at stake. Once this realization happens, I've seen people make real and lasting changes. Is it unfortunate that it took so long? Maybe. But I always say, "Better late than never." Michele Weiner-Davis
Divorce Busting January 20 at 11:47am · Boulder, CO ·
If your spouse is saying he or she wants out and you've been fighting for your marriage, I want to remind you today that you have to be patient. Fighting for one's marriage is more like running a marathon than doing a sprint. You will undoubtedly hit your wall, but you have to continue to put one foot in front of the other until you reach the finish line. Are you running a marriage marathon? Michele Weiner-Davis
