What Sotto said, let it go. Those things are outside of your control so why even think about them? It's you you're worried about, not them. The kids will actually manage better than we like to realize. It may not be the best situation they could be in but they will adapt and overcome all of this.
Now, how about you?
No more talk about the kids and what's best for them unless your trying to decide if it would be better to take them to a museum or the park on Saturday.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I know what I have to do but I cannot do this I do not feel that it should be me to make this decision.
No, no, no. I can only assume "be me to make this decision" is to sell the house or to file for D and if that's what you "know what I have to do" then you still don't know.
Why do you keep assuming, after it being pointed out multiple times, that accepting that she is done with the M right now means you have to do one of those things?
What you do have to do is let go of the fear of being alone and let whatever happens happens.
We told you to let her go, that doesn't mean D her, it means stop pursuing her while she deals with her life and you deal with yours. If she wants to sell the house or D that's on her and you don't need to fight her on it.
This doesn't make sense to you because your fear is clouding your thoughts. You jump from wanting to do everything to fix the M to doing everything to end it. There is a middle ground, just listen and read your threads to figure it out.
Last edited by Fogg; 12/18/1508:59 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Ok so I am in a clearer state of mind and I am trying to see things clearer
It is my wife who wants out of the marriage
I feel that the longer we are apart them more she will move away from me emotionally I understand that if this is something she wants to happen then it will happen.
I have fear that she has her needs both emotionally and physically that she needs met and she will find these somewhere else. Neither of us have strayed during the marriage and during our marriage we both felt that this would be pretty much the worst thing we could ever do.
Now we are only married on paper there is little to stop her finding happiness elsewhere.
How long do people stay in limbo for ?
We get along ok ...I do not know how much of it is show and how much is the real emotions I have been doing things wrong over the months I have been trying hard to keep a connection try and build conversation look for ways to build up intamacy. We spend time together watching TV we have been out as a family just the other day my W and I went out for a pizza meal ..just the two of us. I felt dreadful afterwards It gives me false hope
A few days ago I posted about something I had seen on her facebook page about a frog in boiling water and Azz mentioned that I was the frog... I did not see this at the time, it talked about getting out while you still can. She was posting this about her getting out of our situation, yet it can work both ways.
Fear I have fear [censored] loads of it
I am fearful if we divorce move to separate houses what effect this will have on our children being pulled from house to house child swap what if a child gets hurt when in my care. My W is very skilled with childcare this is her job our two year old is developing very quickly my W has 7 days to give her love and support to our daughter if we share custody then this will reduce to 3/4 days ...she is hoping that I will give her as much as she gives on the days that I have the children.
If she feels I have been abusive why would she let me have the children for 3/4 days and her not be with them it makes no sence
If things go wrong then resentment will build rapidly as might her hate or anger ...I know a am looking at the worst case.
My W feels that she has been living in an abusive marriage I do not know how I can fix this. She believes that the reason the abuse has stopped is because she took action and ended the marriage ...noting to do with the fact that I have made reall efforts to be a better man.
How long do people stay in limbo at what point do they decide to move forwards without wanting to fight any longer for the marriage
This keeps coming back to my W wanting to divorce and wanting to be in two separate houses if this is what she wants and if this is the only option then I should surly give her what she wants .
she has told me she feels she has been in an abusive relationship how am I going to feel or react if I see her in the arms of another man ..with anger ?? I do this then she will say that I am still abusive ...how would you feel or react seeing your loved one in the arms of another person.
I want to continue the fight for my marriage I am not ready to give up. The pain of not having my W hurts.
I would welcome any thoughts
Thank you Atp
Last edited by ATPeace; 12/19/1506:41 AM.
Me:48 W 41 M:18 T:26 2 D 18 & 4 2 S 17 & 13 Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation D filed 06/17 Separate houses 10/17 D Final 29/12//17.
Ok so I am in a clearer state of mind and I am trying to see things clearer
I have fear that she has her needs both emotionally and physically that she needs met and she will find these somewhere else. Neither of us have strayed during the marriage and during our marriage we both felt that this would be pretty much the worst thing we could ever do.
FEAR?!!
Now we are only married on paper there is little to stop her finding happiness elsewhere.
How long do people stay in limbo for ?
AS LONG AS IT TAKES TO HEAL. AND NO, YOU ARE NOT EVEN NEARLY THERE.
We get along ok ...I do not know how much of it is show and how much is the real emotions I have been doing things wrong over the months I have been trying hard to keep a connection try and build conversation look for ways to build up intamacy. We spend time together watching TV we have been out as a family just the other day my W and I went out for a pizza meal ..just the two of us. I felt dreadful afterwards It gives me false hope
A few days ago I posted about something I had seen on her facebook page about a frog in boiling water and Azz mentioned that I was the frog... I did not see this at the time, it talked about getting out while you still can. She was posting this about her getting out of our situation, yet it can work both ways.
STOP WITH THE FACEBOOK...
Fear I have fear [censored] loads of it
SEE ABOVE...
I am fearful if we divorce move to separate houses what effect this will have on our children being pulled from house to house child swap what if a child gets hurt when in my care. My W is very skilled with childcare this is her job our two year old is developing very quickly my W has 7 days to give her love and support to our daughter if we share custody then this will reduce to 3/4 days ...she is hoping that I will give her as much as she gives on the days that I have the children.
FEAR?!?!
If she feels I have been abusive why would she let me have the children for 3/4 days and her not be with them it makes no sence
AGAIN STOP WITH THE MIND READING. DO YOU SEE NOW, WHAT YOUR SNOOPING LEAD YOU TO?!?
If things go wrong then resentment will build rapidly as might her hate or anger ...I know a am looking at the worst case.
My W feels that she has been living in an abusive marriage I do not know how I can fix this. She believes that the reason the abuse has stopped is because she took action and ended the marriage ...noting to do with the fact that I have made reall efforts to be a better man.
MINDREADING
How long do people stay in limbo at what point do they decide to move forwards without wanting to fight any longer for the marriage
SEE ABOVE...
This keeps coming back to my W wanting to divorce and wanting to be in two separate houses if this is what she wants and if this is the only option then I should surly give her what she wants .
she has told me she feels she has been in an abusive relationship how am I going to feel or react if I see her in the arms of another man ..with anger ?? I do this then she will say that I am still abusive ...how would you feel or react seeing your loved one in the arms of another person.
DETACH...
I want to continue the fight for my marriage I am not ready to give up. The pain of not having my W hurts.
DETACH... AND GIVE UP THE FIGHT. YOUR M IS OVER, DONE, BURIED, GET WITH THE PROGRAM...
You should get a prize for the member asking the same question in different and original ways.
You should also get another one for ignoring the most advice given here.
Finally you should get another one as the member who most tries to kick start a zombie marriage.
When will you realize your R cannot be saved with your current actions even if you hired a Jedi.
You are intelligent but weak and until you realise that real change starts with actions and only with you ..... You will never live happily with or without her.
