Letting go of the child inside

[claire7]

I feel like a broken record

Divorce is not the best option for my children for the future but if my W will not talk or work on making things better then we are going nowhere

I feel my daughter will live with my W so my W gets my daughter all the time

My hugest boy is going to be so so confused scared and unsure
My eldest boy will make his decision

My youngest daughter will share the access with me

That's because you are a broken record. None of us are here because things turned out as we had planned. My life is not turning out how I pictured it. I've been betrayed and abandoned and it SUXX. I want to scream at my stbx and scream at the heavens at how unfair this is... and I've done that. And it didn't change a thing. I'm still here. But now what? Do I curl up and die because of this? ?? Is my whole life OVER because of this? Um, I don't think so. I have a life to lead, I have a daughter who needs me. I have friends and family and a world full of people who do and can appreciate me. Some of them I haven't even met yet!

Will this sukk for my daughter? Sure, it's not what I would choose for her. But I will be the best darn mom I can be in this situation. I will love her unconditionally. Even when she says she hates me. Even when she seems to not want to be with me.

Ghost /At Peace : have the courage to work on yourself. Have the courage to get the help you need. Have the courage to love your kids unconditionally (without expectations ). You can be a part of their lives even if they don't live with you. Your daughter will remember how you worked hard to be a good dad and man even when it was hard. Live the kind of life where you can rest your head each night thinking, "I did my best to be the best person I can be."

There is so much out of your control and that's really tough. WE GET IT. You can only control you. SO DO THAT. Because you can control you.

[Maximus]

I feel like a broken record Self Pity STOP IT!!

Divorce is not the best option for my children for the future but if my W will not talk or work on making things better then we are going nowhere bla bla bla more of the same STOP IT!!! Try new lyrics, we have heard this song already.

I feel my daughter will live with my W so my W gets my daughter all the time NOT if you work on your R with her. She is a big girl and if you win her over you and your W will share her.

My hugest boy is going to be so so confused scared and unsure You need to be rock for him and help him overcome it though at this stage seems like he will be the rock for you.
My eldest boy will make his decision

My youngest daughter will share the access with me

[ATPeace]

Three years ago when my W and I nearly split up I said to my daughter that mummy is unhappy and we all have to work hard to make her happy my daughter now says I said it is your fault that mummy wants to leave and is unhappy I did not say anything like that ...so this and the fact that I spent more time with my son and so my W spent more ti me with my daughter doing her hobbie when she was growing up has led her to have resentment towards Me as I gave more of my time to my son, the balance should have been more even I have regret over this but I cannot change.

[rd500]

AP. I'm running out of ways to explain this buddy !!!! Tomorrow is a new day a some people will not get to see the end of it. It's really sad but it's the way it is This time tomorrow you won't have moved 0.0001 % forward because you won't start.

Your damaging relationships with your kids. Do you speak to your S about this ?? If you do , stop other than to hear their concerns and be there for them.

I've been on and on at you to STFU and now you need to STFU to yourself Stop saying there is nothing you can do because that's cr@p.

Stop the pity party and move forward. We all have it tough and we all struggle with our own particular sitchs

Only one person can make your sitch better and it's you.

I truly feel your pain and want you to get through this but unless you do something about it you will be stuck forever.

Take care. Rd

[Pink17]

Wow, great advice RD, very proud of you.

Hugs,
Pink

[ATPeace]

Well I not the gym today walked in found one of th personal trainers and told them that today is the day my life changes

I have booked myself in for an assessment on Friday morning 7am she is going to write me a program I am hoping that I can throw myself into this

I am looking to train four times a week at least

Let's add this to a baby step

Control the things I can control

[Sotto]

Good work ATP. Let's maintain a shift of focus here. You are the bit you get to control and I would love to see you move forward with your own stuff now.

Remember, it is a loving thing to do, to let go and respect your W's wishes - even though they may not be what you want.

Tick for fitness! Now then, how about getting your needs for good conversation met. What's the plan there my friend?? X

[Azzork]

OK. My thoughts on this in blue. I know it's a week old, but I asked you to do the exercise, so I will give feedback. Your letter in bvlack. Your comments in bold. My comments in blue.

Ghost this would have been a very bad decision

You have to see this from your wife's point of view last night you tried talking to her and it left her in tears

Good Morning I need to say this I understand that us talking about things does not help ..let me repeat this for My Benefit it Does Not Help. Then if you know this then good don't talk to her about this
Right! You just said talking about this does not help. So why would you continue on with a letter....talking about it?

I mentioned yesterday about me feeling helpless and not having any control over things please try to understand because of this I look for tiny glimmers of hope and all I want is for us to try and make things better whatever this might be. Ghost we all look for glimmers of hope do the work first[ you can only control you you need to understand this it hurts sure it does but you cannot change her mind you might , just might have the chance to influence it but only if you do the right things now
This is good. But what's more is, why are you telling her that you are looking for "glimmers of hope". If your boss fired you, would you be telling him you are looking for glimmers of ghope that he might change his mind and rehire you? Heck no - youd be out getting certified, taking classes, fixing your resume, etc.

Also, how does THIS paragraph compare with your FRIST paragraph? You know. Where you said you dont want to "talk about it"...

I respect you and your decision not to want to talk about this and It hurts me to see you get upset as I still care about you. So you respect her decision ...then why are you trying to talk again
Exactly. How does this letter "respect her decision"?

I will do my best not to bring up things ever again ghost will do my best this leaves you open to failing
Right. What does this even mean? Are you saying that you cant control the words that come out of your mouth? Its 100% within your control to never bring it up again. So just dont do it. Why tell her that you arent going to?

G

I'd give you a pretty good score on reading into your own thoughts with your DB hat on. I think you really DDO understand what were saying, youre just scared to implement it. Hopefully, the new things you are doing will help you alleviate some of that fear.

You know WHAT to do. Just DO it....

[Fogg]

Did you setup more sessions with an IC? Have you thought about joining a mens group also? I found both to be very useful over the last year.

[ATPeace]

Hi I have set up more sessions with IC

I want back to the gym last night did I hr in the treadmill

I woke up this morning and I felt so much better for the exercise

Little bit sad this morning not wanting to turn this back in to a thread about my W however I saw a post on her facebook


Put a frog into a vessel fill with water and start heating the water.
As the temperature of the water begins to rise, the frog adjust its body temperature accordingly.
The frog keeps adjusting its body temperature with the increasing temperature of the water. Just when the water is about to reach boiling point, the frog cannot adjust anymore. At this point the frog decides to jump out.
The frog tries to jump but it is unable to do so because it has lost all its strength in adjusting with the rising water temperature.
Very soon the frog dies.
What killed the frog?
Think about it!
I know many of us will say the boiling water. But the truth about what killed the frog was its own inability to decide when to jump out.
We all need to adjust with people & situations, but we need to be sure when we need to adjust & when we need to move on. There are times when we need to face the situation and take appropriate actions.
If we allow people to exploit us
physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually or mentally they will continue to do so.
Let us decide when to jump!
Let's jump while we still have the strength.


She started posting things on her facebook shortly before she gave me the first bomb I think another rhombus is coming and she is planning in telling me that she wants to sell the house

What do you think I should do or say

Do I say anything to her about seeing the post ?

Do I give her more space offer to move to parents as I feel this is going to give us the space we both need.

Cut back all communication only talk with her if she talks to me first so no persuading at all

I do not want to risk loosing my share of the house

Any advice would be great
Ghost