I read he was leaving in January but not why or where.
What is WH's reason for this? In September his parents visited. They left without saying goodbye. H told me it was because I made them so uncomfortable and unwelcome. I swear I had been welcoming, pleasant, and tried to stay out of their way and just let them spend time with the kids. H was really angry with me. I told him that I had done the best I could on that visit, and it couldn't get better. If he and they were still angry, it was time for him to consider leaving because this anger was unhealthy for me and for the kids. He put in for an out of state job at that time. Turns out that the next day he called his mother and she clarified that they were uncomfortable at my house because FIL was sick and wanted to be home in his own bathroom. Not uncomfortable about me. H told me this, but didn't apologize, didn't seem to realize what he had just done. In the two months since then he has cooled down quite a bit.
Where is he going?
He is going across the country for this job. He had put in for it and it took a couple of months to come through. The pay is good. When it came through he asked me what I thought. I said "I have mixed feelings, but you need to make this decision." He decided to go. It is good money, is a good break with the tension around here, gets him away from OW (although we haven't discussed that, but still they are on the same inter-organization IM so they could be talking)
What did you counselor say about this? The counselor seemed excited about it, thinks we could use a break from each other as H is still pretty "checked out" and easily angered
Two weeks.... put on your best show. Just fake it. Make the house smell like cookies and home cooking. His last memories before he goes should be peace and tranquility and lots of home smells.
You've got time to retreat and go dark after he leaves. You'll have all the time you need to GAL after he's gone.
You may even be able to get WH on board with this by saying "If you are gonna go anyway we both have to be prepared that this may be our very last Christmas together as a family so I don't want it to be about fighting or arguing. Let's make this the best Christmas we can".
I really like this.
He doesn't deserve that and if he's leaving for "space" then I can just about guarantee he's leaving for his continuing affair (they still work together so it's "continuing" in my book). The worst thing for his mental state would be if the last couple weeks were actually good. Leaving is so much easier when it's a bunch of yelling and crying. Don't let him make you the villain.
After he's gone - then you pull the rug on him, go dark, GAL and try to make a good life for yourself while hoping he misses home and has second thoughts about his chosen behavior. I am going to find a job and have the very best time with my kids that I can. He will be visiting once a month. I'd also make sure to bust him cheating (documented) and tell his kids & parents and then go dark but DB isn't a big fan of any exposure so probably not a good idea.
I already busted him with his parents but he beat me to it and told them that I hated them, and their strained relationship was my fault, and ow had encouraged him to reconnect. They love her for this and absolutely hate me. Said they have always hated me since they met me when I was 20 years old. FIL told H if it had been him he would have slept with her. IL's have cooled off since all of this as well. Everyone has cooled off and is behaving better, but still very tense and awkward.
FIL told H if it had been him he would have slept with her.
I know this is a DB forum, but I'm glad to pick up some parenting wisdom as well. I hope I can be this good of a role model, and I hope my son makes me this proud someday.
I'm so glad to be divorced. I never wanted it, XW could've been an outstanding partner if she chose to be. But if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle. Reality is she didn't. I'm grateful to be free of her destruction, and while there are no guarantees about how any future relationships work out I will know what I'm looking for and will take my chances. Probably will hold out for MWD to start a match-making sub-forum.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Zues, you just made my night. Kind of explains a little why my H is the way he is, doesn't it? If MWC makes a match making forum I would love to be the moderator. LOL. Something good has to come out of all of this.
Oh, I should add, FIL told ME that he told that to H. Not only did he tell him, but had to make sure I knew all about it! While my 8 year old was playing about 10 feet away.
Oh! And then he proceeded to tell me how he cheated on MIL! Not kidding! I cannot make this stuff up! He said she was a really nice "girl" until he cheated on her, that explains why she is so messed up today.
I just drank 3 glasses of wine because H was supposed to be home at 6:30 He is 50 minutes late and I am wasting all this wine. I need it to cope with him.
The more I think about it, the more I think I have been deluding myself for years.
Where do they live? There's actually a fairly good chance I have "family" connections that can change their perspective... oh wait actually, that might be through my fil, but I can make it work
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Dammnit H just came home and I have 3 glasses of wine in me and I just called him Honey. I wish there was a live chat feature on here, I need my DB friends to keep me occupied.
