Hey, if that's what works for ghost... Post away man! Haha I have no problem at all with that! I just thought if we got him concentrated on "him" a little more it may help?
Everybody is different so find what works and go for it!
I also have a disclaimer to add, many things I do and say aren't really "by the book" per say. I don't suggest any of those things when reading my posts. I get the theory an principles behind it. I can typically give advise based on that. I have a bit of a struggle giving myself the same advise! What I've done, got me where I am. Not exactly where I saw myself being at this point, but it allowed me to drop the rope, even if I caused more damage on my way there.
Last edited by Uphill; 12/08/1502:52 PM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Just stopping in to say hi. Things have been pretty relaxed the past day or two on my end. Upcoming support hearing has me a little nervous but other than that it's been a good few days.
Can't wait until tomorrow night and Friday. My turn with S4, not sure what we will get into but we will find something.
Just noting this, nothing that means anything to me but I did find it a little odd. Back when my situation began, XF started a new job and began to push away friends she had for years to make room for all these "new" friends. It is through this group of people that she met eventual OM. Not sure what happened, but a mutual friend told me last night that these people are dropping off her Facebook friends list like flies. Must have been a fallout of sorts amongst them... I told her back in the beginning that the new people would drop her like a rock and the people who have been there forever would give her the shirt off her back and she didn't want to hear it. I guess she's finding out the hard way.
Enough about that, time to get back to work and keep thinking up plans for S4 and myself. This time of the year it should be easy!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Kinda wondering what XF is up to now? She has been way to "nice" the past few days. Calling instead of texting, pleasant at S4 swaps, just overall nice. Usually when this lasts a day or so, she catches herself and puts the walls back up. When it lasts this long it has been a pattern that she did something and feels guilty... Kinda like she builds me up for the surprise?
Blinders on and not giving it a reaction. Just wanted to get it off my chest...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
My W has the new friends as well, I think they do it because the new friends don't know yalls history and what they are leaving behind. It makes it easier to stray when your "friends" aren't pressuring you. IMHO
M: 39 W:38 D: 11 S: 7 T: 18 M:13 I suspect problem: 8/15 ILYB: 9/15 Never quit on love I ask her to leave:10/15
Oh I get that part of it 2ltl, they push away anybody who doesn't agree with them. I just find it a bit ironic that these people are now no longer there like they were... I want so bad to say "I told you so" but I won't. It's no big deal just worth noting.
Thinking of that and then my last post about an hour ago, maybe those two things are related? She could be looking for support from other places now? Hmmm
Last edited by Uphill; 12/10/1502:28 AM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I got on to put up a post,but after re reading my last one I want to add a few words to that first... The reason I truly believe the WW pushes away people who are close and replaces them with new people is because the new ones are easier to get on their side. They don't know anything about the sitch except for what the WW tells them. It is easy to sway a jury's verdict if there is no defense. The old friends know the history, see the changes, see the damage. New people only see what they are served on a platter...
Back to my original thought. I almost don't even want to be at work today. I am excited to spend time with S4 and see what kind of shenanigans we can get into? I may end up working a little late tonight just so I don't have to go in tomorrow? Hmmm desicions.... Haha
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Hi Uphill! Thought I would drop in for a bit after being away. Looks like you are doing well!
Quote:
Kinda wondering what XF is up to now? She has been way to "nice" the past few days. Calling instead of texting, pleasant at S4 swaps, just overall nice. Usually when this lasts a day or so, she catches herself and puts the walls back up. When it lasts this long it has been a pattern that she did something and feels guilty... Kinda like she builds me up for the surprise?
Mine does the same thing. This past weekend, we had a GREAT time with the kids. She was her old self - touching me, laughing, getting close, etc. Then after we got home, the walls came back up. Its enough to cause a headache! I wish I knew why they did such things, and I wish I could find a way around it. Ugh.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Yes, doing much better (I feel). No closer to R, not even sure what I would do at this point if it was on the table? I still find my mind wandering and/or spinning from time to time but those moments are fewer and further between...
As far as the hot cold cycle. It's used to be killer. Every time she was nice for a few days I would get my hopes up just to be kicked in the nuts. Now I just act like I don't take notice and giggle afterwards, while thinking "what is she up to now?" Haha I've come to terms with the fact that aliens have abducted the person I knew and replaced her with a slutty, psycho version of herself. One that repulses me. Unless the real XF sometime escapes from the mothership and survives the fall back to earth, I want nothing to do with her!
Last edited by Uphill; 12/10/1505:01 PM.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
There could me many explanations for why they act that way, one being it's not on purpose. They have convinced themselves leaving us is the right decision so they dont want to do feel anything that goes against that feeling. They get conformable around us and might open up a tiny bit without realixing it. Then, they realize that fact and even worse they realize you might see it also. So they backtrack to put both parties in their place.
It's important for you not to react negatively when she pulls back and not too happy when she draws closer.
I've actually had this happen to me also around W lately. I was becoming comfortable around her and letting down my guard a bit, showing her I cared about her and a little too much. I felt like she might notice also so my reaction was to pull back some.
Neither of us want to put ourselves in too much of a vulnerable position and when we realize we are from the draw of the other we backoff.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Fogg, you are so right. In the past, when she would get like this I would make myself very vulnerable. I think that would actually point it out to her how she is acting and then back off?
At this point I am not reacting to it at all. Just going about with my business and letting her do whatever it is that she does.the only way I would even acknowledge it is if the words, I'm sorry, let's talk about us, I made a mistake... Something of that sort came out of her mouth. I'm defiantly not expecting that so no sense even thinking about it. But even if that did happen, I think I would need a few days to gather my thoughts and see what I want in life before I could even respond.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
