She also said that in the two months that I had moved out I should have contacted her more - so maybe the less contact and GAL thing backfired a little bit or maybe not.
Well since I am of the camp of believing NONE of what she says, I would go with the NOT above.
She wants out of the marriage but you are suppose to contact her more?
HUH?
Doesn't that sound crazy? After you are divorced you think you will be best buds? Sorry that is not the way divorce works.
Keep posting on this thread until it gets to a 100 posts.
I am just very conflicted on whether I should give it a chance (while detaching) - meaning waiting for her to give it some time and then see if she feels different about our relationship or just end it by myself as soon as she moves out.
So your wife is saying that she would be ok with you filing for divorce, but she won't? If she wants a divorce, she needs to file so she can deal with the expenses and headache. She is the one that wants it, she can do the dirty work.
I'd like to hear more about what you are doing to improve yourself for YOU. Azzork is right in saying that if you are miserable, why would she want to come back to someone that is miserable? Cadet is right too...she wanted more contact from you even though she wants out of the marriage?
It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Absolutely agree with you - the more I think about the contradictory statements she says the more I feel she is just putting on a show and saying anything just to make herself feel good about her decision.
Wife moved out in the second week of Feb. She took half the furniture, all her clothes and most of the decorations etc. and moved in with her two sisters. Signed an exorbitantly expensive apartment in Manhattan (5K + a month) with two of them being jobless and the other making less than 50K. How they will pay for it - dad will send money every month.
I was devastated and went out of town for a week to get some change.
I am back now and it's been a week I am living in my semi-furnished apartment and I am slowly connecting all the dots together.
I am more and more coming to the conclusion that she is a highly irresponsible person who I am not even sure I want back in my life. The strong feelings of love have given into more of gratitude that I at least am alone and can be without all the drama and torture I have been going through since the past 6 months.
We are still in touch and she asks me for help in finding a job etc.
Almost everything she has said uptill this point she has gone back on - for instance before she kicked me out, she said it's just a two month break and we will work on things and as soon as I moved out she totally stopped talking about a reconcilement - thats when I started my GAL.
Once I moved back and before she moved out, she kept saying I will come and stay with you once a week and now she says I cannot stand to enter that apartment.
Day before yesterday, I called her and asked her why has she been lying throughout and she had no answer, just that she changed her mind.
She is still messaging me and asking for help on filing for her resume or this and that and I have decided I will refuse to do anything more for her.
I have to learn to completely detach myself from the situation and continue on my quest to do a complete 180.
My question now is - should I occasionally meet her as she has asked and respond to her texts and phone calls or should I completely shut her out unless it's something necessary like filing taxes etc.? Her sisters have completely ignored me and so has her family - no one has reached out to me to date.
One thing to note is that the only reason she and her sisters are in the US is because I did a lot of things to get them here (sponsoring the wife for a green card, getting sisters visas, settling them here, spending a ton of money on them etc.) so it especially hurts that they all ganged up together and left.
She says she does not think the relationship is going to last and a couple of times hinted (as recently as a couple of days back) that everything I am doing is wrong (for instance I don't offer to pay her rent, she expected me to beg her sisters to ask them to give me a chance etc.)
I really am not sure how to go about contact with her anymore.
I have taken DB session - finished 5 out of the 6 sessions, have one more to go and honestly even though the sessions were good, they were more of a therapy session where my coach simply listens and pretty much agrees to everything I say and reinforces my plans - I am already seeing a personal therapist once a week so it is not really helping me form a DB standpoint.
I wish I could get more concrete steps and plans than a good ear to listen to and validate my feelings.
