Dealing with WW, Kids, and Divorce 2

[WhyUs]

Scotto and Spiff,

Thanks for the advice. I am assuming that she is too afraid. It really is mind reading. The olive branch does seem to be the only answer. It is complicated because my only contact with her has to be in writting. I do not want to say anything that will compromise my position. However, that may be what it takes to get her to see I am genuine. My family is telling me not to do it. They feel she can't be trusted.

I am willing to admit I was not a perfect husband. At times I was an ahole and could have done better. I know that this is not entirely her fault. I dont agree with how she handled it but I am over the A. I have accepted that we have to move on. I believe that she still thinks I am bitter because of the way she has handled things. She knows she has really tried to screw me. I am assuming(again) that she will not believe I am ready to move past this for the children.

There is also the issue of her feeling she has to justify her actions. She is trying to do this by being mean and trying to make me look bad. Compromising may not be in her playbook right now.

I guess reaching out to her really is a low risk high reward option in the end. If she says no I really have not lost anything.

[Dawgs]

Hi WhyUs,

There is also the issue of her feeling she has to justify her actions. She is trying to do this by being mean and trying to make me look bad. Compromising may not be in her playbook right now.

If she is still behaving in that sort of way, then the olive branch may be difficult to do. No one wants to extend it only to have it shoved right back into their face. No one. But, remember that this isn't about being the bigger person but about what's best for the kids.

I guess reaching out to her really is a low risk high reward option in the end. If she says no I really have not lost anything.

Bingo. Really, what do you have to lose?

[WhyUs]

Well, WW denied me right of first refusal for the kids when she goes out of town. I honestly have no idea what she is thinking. I just can't understand how she thinks this is in the best interest of the kids. I do not see how a judge will be happy with this.

[Uphill]

Depending where you live, she may not legally be able to do that? Sorry, I haven't kept up on your sitch lately but have you talked to a lawyer?

[WhyUs]

Yeah, this has all gone through lawyers. We r under temporary orders right now and have been for 5 months. She goes out of town a lot for business and leaves the kids with her parents or brother. She is doing everything in her power to alienate me from my kids.

[Drew]

She is doing everything in her power to alienate me from my kids.

And you're letting her.

[WhyUs]

Drew,

I've met with 4 attorneys at this point. Everyone of them has advised exactly what I am doing. We formally asked for ROFU so that she would formally deny it. Now we will be able to show the judge that she is unwilling to allow this reasonable request in order to keep me from the kids.

I want to fix this immediately but it is important to gather enough evidence prior to going in front of the judge. My L is scheduling a hearing after the first of the year.

[Drew]

Go back and read thru this thread. We finally convinced you to be more aggressive with your lawyer back in October. And I hear at lot of "I'm hoping my lawyer ...", "left a message", "maybe next week", "after the first of the year", etc. Seems very passive to me.

And then there's this:

My L apparently listed all the times she has been out of town and who the kids have stayed with.

Apparently? You didn't review the letter before he sent it? Doesn't seem very hands on to me. And yes, you've talked to four lawyers. You need ONE lawyer actively fighting for your rights as a father.

In the meantime, the clock keeps ticking with her denying you access and more of the status quo.

[Drew]

My L is scheduling a hearing after the first of the year.

That's a month away!!! Is the court system so busy you can't get in?? Or is your lawyer too busy?

You're okay with living with a crappy temporary custody order over the holidays? A special time with YOUR children?

[WhyUs]

Hes, the court system is that busy. No, I did not read the letter before he sent it. He went over the contents and I approved. Your right on this. I should of had him send it to me first. The other issue here is that I do not have unlimited resources. I'm borrowing money from family and I am 10gs in.

I can live with the order over the holidays. In fact, I get them more over the holidays than I normally do. Long term I will not be happy with the temp order.

My biggest concern right now is that the children have been with her for a while now and the judge may not want to mess with the status quo. Unless she does something really crazy like get arrested with a DUI with the kids in her car I will wait patiently and document everything until the court date.