NDY - I agree entirely . I first characterised it as a non-typical EA but I guess inappropriate friendship is nearer the mark. Intel will sus out if it is more.
But it's still gutting to read a text from W .... 'Missing you, *****' with a teary faced emoji and to sit next to her while she texts him.
Today has been the best since BD, with near normality except for lack of affection, and physical touch and the convo surrounding her extravagant purchase.
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/28/1510:35 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
'Missing you, *****' with a teary faced emoji and to sit next to her while she texts him.
Really?
Ok I take it back. Man I'm spinning here. One minute I think it's all nothing then the next I think yea, full on EA. Sorry buddy but I don't know what to say at this point. I'm here for you but I'm lost.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
So I get up today and W is being nice and jolly and trying to find a 5k Santa run she can do before Xmas. She tries to get the boys involved and eventually persuades them to do it with her.
NB I tried to do a similar thing 4 weeks ago but S11 was reluctant so I didn't push it.
Anyway she can't find an event that is close enough to home and fits with her and the boys schedule. Then she finds one and seeks me out to tell me, all excited.
Then she semi reluctantly invites me with the disclaimer ' well you are taking the boys away the following weekend ' ' so I want to do something with the boys'
I think I will accept and do the run.
The weekend away with the boys is in London. I haven't invited her to the weekend away in London as it would involve sharing a bed in a family hotel room. Also she is going to a Xmas party at work.
I could change my date to the following weekend and invite her but she would have to share my bed. I know it s against DB philosophy - pursuing etc and it is pressure but she can say no - no big deal.
It's also her birthday weekend and traditionally W and I have spent it in London with me treating her to a special weekend away just before Xmas.
Once before we went as a family, yes in 2011 after the first DB. But back then we were still sharing a bed.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Crumbs and more crumbs. You're not thinking of buying her a birthday present are you? The way I see it is she can spend as much money as she likes, but you have to account for every penny you have spent. Sounds like a control issue there.
Texting OM. I would say, and it's only my opinion, when it gets to phrases like 'I miss you' etc., it's a EA. Let's face it, when was the last time she said that to you? My W used to say that to me all the time if i'd been away with work, but slowly, over the past 18 months, she's more likely to have complained if I went away. Beware. You can't get too hung up on this guys looks/size/mental ability, it's what's underneath that she's finding attractive right now.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
It turns out W plans to go out with her best GFs on her birthday and is then hoping for us all to go watch Star Wars the day after - the girls night out is new to me but I had already suggested the movie day.
There was mixture of shyness, regret and maybe guilt when she told me her plans for her birthday . Obviously normally we celebrate it together - she might suggest a birthday lunch with the boys.
Also the subject of Xmas presents came up. A few weeks ago she said she wanted us to still get each other Xmas and birthday presents but less than normal. Usually we spoil each other on our birthday and Xmas.
Today she said she was struggling to get me something as I had updated my wardrobe really well and she was struggling for ideas. Normally her main presents for me are clothes.
I said I would give her birthday present early as she might want it over the party season. She got a little worried I had spent a lot on her but I said its one biggish present.
Later she said she thought Xmas pressure was over ( we have bought/ordered most of our presents for family and the boys this weekend) but now she had pressure to buy me something nice and I had already got a fine set of clothes.
I validated and suggested alternatives.
This whole episode coupled with yesterday's extravagant purchase of a painting is a bit odd.
She has changed from the rebellious, resentful, disrespectful W to one showing regret, maybe guilt.
Rebellious: 5 weekends away with friends and family Resentful: she resented my presence in her car going to the gym, and going to a fireworks display Disrespectful: her attitude and tone over minor indiscretions around the house.
This weekend she hasn't gone out drinking with friends - first time for 2 months There has been no disrespectful attitude or language for a week And no obvious resentment.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
W and I went through our diaries to make sure we had each other's plans sorted.
Back in early part of this year, maybe February W wrote this in my diary on her birthday date.
19th December My lovely wife's birthday! Keep day free to totally spoil her! Because I love her soooooo much!
She read this again in my diary a few weeks ago and today I effectively reminded her of it, without actually mentioning it. She knows what she wrote.
I said what are you doing on your Birthday when are you going to the party.
She said I thought you already knew, I said I've only got what you wrote in January. She said maybe we can go out for lunch - all of us. Don't pull a sad face.....
I wasn't pulling a sad face.
Anyway time to back off for a few hours.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Another bizarre conversation with W. Sometimes I think she is sooooo naive!
I'm getting my lunch when she starts to talk about a male friend at the gym who is infatuated with a married woman who goes to the same gym.
W tells me that he is infatuated but just wants to be this woman's friend and now she is telling him to back off and it's led to a big falling out that other people have noticed. This woman has unfriended him on FB and might change gyms and he is upset etc.
I say that he needs to back off and he is trying to ruin a marriage. W defends him (he only wants to be her friend) but agrees he needs to forget about her and move on but he can't.
I had to be careful and not come across too judgemental or critical of her friend. The conversation continued with us both agreeing that he needs to back off from this woman. He must have come across as pursuīng her too much and she has told him to back off and he hasn't, so she put her foot down. W used the word stalker but also suggested this woman wasn't blameless as she had said this guy was hot after too many drinks during a night out. She said the guy had made latched onto small compliments from this woman
I wanted to say that her friend was a potential marriage breaker and just wanted to get this woman into bed, that he was morally wrong etc but felt I should hold my tongue.
This convo convinces me that W sees her friendship with OM as perfectly normal, and not inappropriate. To her OM is just a friend. If it was more would she have told me this conversation?
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/29/1502:31 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
Your wife is fully aware that it could have been/probably was you changing her Facebook password last week. Waywards are paranoid fools. Even with a great sell job she is still not 100% sure it wasn't you, soooo she goes into partner mode and acting all reassuring and cooperative.
This discussion about the woman at the gym is a set up. She is reestablishing her arguments for keeping her "friend" herself no matter what you saw. They likely know it wasn't much that you could have seen (because they probably put very little in writing ever)....so, she only needs to maintain that she can stay "friends" with him if and when you confront her.
Hope you are securing your computer. She may be or start snooping on you to see if you are on to her/them.
If you go back looking for the thing you hid and it's gone - you'll know she is reading here.
Last thought - I know you say you aren't that religious but did it not strike you as odd that shortly after wondering how the heck you were going to get access to your wife's car parked right out in front of the house that your wife then ASKS you to take a look at her car? That's God working for you. God hates divorce. At the very least it should have gave you the feeling that it was the right thing to do.
*funny - if she has been reading here what a great thing for her to do...ask you to take a look at her car and plant that little device asap so she knows where it is and she'll just stage the nicest conversations for a week in her car and everything will go back to normal. Trust me - I've seen, heard about and read the most messed up extremes way wards go to to keep their secret. They even have wayward forums and give each other tips. You've been posting on DB for years - she could have discovered your posting here years ago. Don't presume anything.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
She's got you clucking like a chicken. Those must be huge crumbs. IS, go back and re-read sandi2's thoughts on manipulation. All I can see is bluff and smokescreen. She'll introduce 'friends stories' as a way of getting you off the trail. Beware bud, beware.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
