The kids are my everything. And they are my sole focus. Last night was a huge wrestling match that always gets them worked up but they have such a great time. D4 also decided that we must play tea party, so she made "cupcakes" for me. Awesome time! But the W comes in and isn't exactly happy that I am not cleaning because her sister is coming for Thanksgiving. I just shrugged it off and let her go with it. No need to poke that bear. I think the W gets a bit jealous on that end, on occasion she has remarked as to how she wishes she had my imagination in playing with them. She does some, but not nearly as much as I do. I do enjoy every bit I can. They are so much fun and so innocent to the world. I so wish that times could be like they were when I was growing up - to where they could play outside without worry.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
My kids are my life and always will be. I try to give them the best childhood I can. My W does love them to death, also, too. I can't put my finger on it, I know my W loves them with all her heart, but its almost as if she gets so overloaded or whatever the heck you call it. She doesn't exactly have the patience with them. And she rarely plays them. But she will buy them almost everything they want - or that she thinks they want, now she doesn't go overboard, but I do think that there is something mental going along with it. She once said that she will make sure they never would never go without anything like she had to growing up.
One thing I have noticed is the front she puts up when her family is around. Suddenly becomes more playful, etc. And then there is the fact that she on more than one occasion has let it be known that women have the power when children are concerned. That really scares me. A LOT.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Don't be, she doesn't have the patience for the kids and having them full time likely wouldn't suit the life she has planned for herself anyway. My W does the exact same thing. Has no patience with the kids and puts on a show around other people. It's just them compensating and wanting to feel like what there doing is the right thing. My W also buys the kids clothes all the time and I'm pretty sure it's just to make themselves feel better. In my case W goes out of her way to show me like she's looking for approval from me that's she's a good mother.
Keep being the awesome dad and you shouldn't need to worry about what W will do. There would be no justification to take the kids more than 50% of the time. I was scared about "women have all the power with the kids" but I realized (at least in my state) that's mostly bs from the past. Courts decide what's in the best interest of the kids and that's usually joint custody.
Early on my W tried intimidating me saying she would take the kids if I didn't play ball the way she wanted but after talking with IC, research and L I let thay fear go. Learn your rights as a father sooner than later so that fear can't control you.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Early on my W tried intimidating me saying she would take the kids if I didn't play ball the way she wanted but after talking with IC, research and L I let thay fear go. Learn your rights as a father sooner than later so that fear can't control you.
She has used that card twice. Said that it would be as nasty as I wanted to make it and that women have all the power. Also said several times in MC that "I will always make sure that he can see the kids." What does that tell you???
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
One subtle thing I did when I confronted my W about her EA is that no matter what she did and what was between us, I would still "LET HER see the kids." Not sure I had a legal leg to stand on, but it certainly changed the dynamic. Is there anyway you can start to turn it around on her like that?
Me-38 W-38; T-15 M-12; S10 and S6 BD - July 2016; EA confirmed; confronted Aug 2015 EA dissolved 12/2016
Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option - Maya Angelou
Little bit of journaling/venting/crying/whatever time.
Interesting thing happened yesterday. Well, maybe not so interesting in the world but kind of odd, I guess. So, yesterday I had not contacted her at all - even when I needed something for the kids. Late that afternoon she texts me and asked if she could make an appointment for something for her and her sister on Friday. I said "Sure" and nothing else. A bit later she texted "Is all ok?" I waited a bit and replied "yes, all is good" or something to that effect. Nothing else. That night she said that I had been acting odd. I said how so and she said because you sounded funny. I said how? And she said because you never texted me. Just left it at that. Funny how that kind of stuff happens.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
One subtle thing I did when I confronted my W about her EA is that no matter what she did and what was between us, I would still "LET HER see the kids." Not sure I had a legal leg to stand on, but it certainly changed the dynamic. Is there anyway you can start to turn it around on her like that?
I am not sure I can do that as she still lives in the house - and will until she moves to her base. I haven't brought up the EA for quite some time. Not sure what to do on that...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Lol Spiff, what you said is exactly how my W phrased the threats also. She also thought woman had all the power and played it off like it was my choice if it got nasty or not. It's a bully tactic, nothing more.
If she wants to live a single life without you how will having the kids full time work out for her? It wouldn't. While I did go along with some of what W wanted I did it on my own timetable, in my own way and without considerations of W's threats because it worked out to being what was best for me also. Here I am now with my kids 4-5 nights a week, so don't let the threat get to you.
Learn what she can and can't do from a free consultation with L if you need to, don't take what she says as how it is. While there might be some truth to it it's still better to learn your rights early so you know and can't be manipulated.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Wow, Fogg, it seems that is another typical script, eh?
I know that going to a L is the best thing and part of me tells me to do that but I just don't have it in me right now. I just can't. I know its wise to do so, but there is a part of my mind that says if I do see a L then that is me just giving up hope on the marriage. I know, that doesn't make sense, but its just how my crazy brain works.
Let me ask a question that maybe someone can chime in on (I know, I need to see a L): given that my W leaves for her new base for a period of at around two years. TWO YEARS. She has resisted all efforts of us going with her. She has used every excuse - from financial to the kids education. Never mind that we could swing it financially and that the kids would be fine educational-wise due to excellent schools in the new area. After that argument was put down, she moved on to family in our current area. Always something for a reason why we couldn't go. So, with that, and with the fact that I have been the primary caregiver since both were born, AND the fact of her mental state/suicidal thoughts has made her a person of interest in the military - does all that help me in my case for custody? She makes a lot more than me, but thats because I gave up a great job to move around the country...
ARGH!!!
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
