He gets home.. Says few things, eats with us and goes to bed. Barely talks- responds in monotone, no emotions- no looking in the eye. I say night, love you, try to give him a kiss- he barely moves near me. No hug, no nothing. I feel he is quickly slipping away and going back to what he was like. Although he still leaves his phone lying around, and he lets me know where he is and where he is going. I get in bed and I'm quietly sobbing. Because it's getting back the way it was. Yes I can look at the positives that he is still in the bed. But on the flipside. This man, the one who once told me he couldn't believe his luck to have me, and how I was the perfect girl is now freezing me out and pushing me away, 12 months after it started the last time.
Sometimes I honestly feel like giving up, or running. My heart feels broken.
Apologies, I'm just journaling .
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Previously at the start of the year he did, and he lied through his teeth.. When I mentioned it to him the other day. He states he's been before and they said he was fine. He is in total denial. I just don't get how it's like exactly a year on, and it starts again.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Journaling. I'm just so confused. Last night was another night of silence. Just a good night, and a half attempted kiss. Maybe he's stressed, maybe he's jealous of my relationship with his mum. Or our child. I don't know, I know I shouldn't assume.
I don't know how to be, I don't know how to act, I have pulled back a little, but he may well view this as me not caring.
Today I feel angry, in a way work helps- I throw myself in, and try not to think of anything other than I have a child I need to provide for. I feel maybe I should shock him and go, but that could backfire. And what if he is depressed, that would show him that I'm not willing to be there for him.
It is so hard when you realise the only person you can rely on in life yourself. And I'm a believer, so obviously God too. I keep reading over:
God give me the serenity to accept those things I can't change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, sorry this is so rough. With depression sometimes they just have to fix themselves.
My plan for a long time to deal with my W's depression(among the WAW and WW aspects also) was to lead by example and fix me. Fix all of my issues (even worked through depression) so she sees it can be done. They can either fix themselves and be happy (like they seen us do) or continue to be miserable.
Don't focus so much on him or bring dark, find what will make Cherry happy and do it.
Last edited by Fogg; 11/25/1501:36 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thanks fogg, does it sound to you like depression too?
That's true, I'm continuing to improve me. Working on a promotion at work. And for my gal activity learning to drive- taking a new exercise class. I'm also improving my diet, truly taking care of me.
Truth be told, all it takes is a song to take me back to when I was the most precious thing to him and I'm cut.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, from what you said it sounds like it to me. Listen to Fogg - wise advice he gives. My W is also battling with depression/anxiety/suicidal thoughts/etc. Good times around my place. I am doing as Fogg stated and honestly, I don't know what effect it is having on the W. She seems even more confused than ever. Keep your chin up and ride it out! You can do this!
Takes even less than a song for me. But those times aren't quite as often now. One step at a time. Thats all we can do.
Last edited by Spiff69; 11/25/1501:48 PM.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
It could be depression. It could be many things, guilt over having an A, not knowing where or what happiness is, unresolved issues from his childhood. All are things he has to figure out himself. One point to make is that whatever it is, it really has much more to do with him than you so don't take it personal.
Believe me I understand how hard that is with what's happened with our S's but this really is about them. The best we can do is be that lighthouse shining the way and showing them how it's done.
Last edited by Fogg; 11/25/1502:17 PM.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Thank you both so much, I needed this today. I think it's hard because I thought I'd dealt with this and these days are over. Your right, one day at a time, one step at a time. That what you say about guilt of the affair rings true, he said about maybe he would be better moving away from everyone and the hurt
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Maybe it's time for you to back off and stop initiating loving gestures? Go back to What you were doing when he came back. Maybe it's time to be a little mysterious. Get dressed up and go out. Make arrangements in advance for him to watch the baby so you can go out with the girls. It will get his attention and more importantly be good for you
