New here and desperate to save my marriage...

[Cadet]

Please stick to one thread until 100 posts, threads merged.

[ATPeace]

MB

There is nothing wrong with it's crying i have been doing this most days since being told my marriage was over

Focus on you do some of the things that make you happy

Become the best you

Take care

Ghost

[Sotto]

Hi MB, from what you've posted there is plenty he would notice if you start GAL for yourself....your car being gone from the drive for one. What helped me was to think - hey, he already left me and is in a R with someone else - what do I have to lose by DBing, then I tried to follow the process to a tee.? Don't let fear hold you back my friend....or finances....maybe start having a look at local meetups, support groups, leisure centre, library events, volunteering - anything that gets you out and about, doing new things and interacting with others...

Good for you with the hair and make up done. So, next time what will you do when you go into town? I love charity shops (cheap) and sometimes I just grab a coffee and read my book (cheap too...)

Maybe think about some mini goals to get you moving forward...next week I'm going to get dressed, do my hair and make up and....go into town and do x..

Baby steps...and remember, there may not be that much you can do about him in the short term. But you can a) not make it worse and b) do things for yourself. These are both within your control...and that's where to focus.

xx

[sgctxok]

Thank you for responding to my post! I am really trying to pull myself together, but it's been very hard to even just stop crying. I'm pretty sure at this point everyone is trying to avoid me because they are tired of hearing me cry and talk about my husband. I have only told a few people because I don't want my family or coworkers to know. I would love to be able to do the DB coaching, but there's just no way that I could ever afford it. So, I will just have to learn all I can from everyone on here and read everything I can get my hands on while I wait for my husband to come to his senses.

I get it. I so hate these waves in life when our struggles show in our tears (mostly women, I guess). It doesn't mean we're weak and we've gone under, though. Even if there are folks that want to interpret it that way. The tears are just washing it all away. Letting it out and letting it go.

For awhile I was doing well with yoga, mindfulness and breathing. I stopped due to an injury, but now I'm committed again, even though I can't do all of the same things due to the injury. But I can breath in and out and pay attention to it. It's helping. Maybe it would help you too.

You clearly are a strong woman. I hate that you are having to do it again. But you've got this. You have the love within you for yourself to be your authentic self and treat yourself well.

So I'm wishing you a pain-free day. Joy. And to feel all the love that your true family and friends have for you.

[sgctxok]

Hi MB, from what you've posted there is plenty he would notice if you start GAL for yourself....your car being gone from the drive for one. What helped me was to think - hey, he already left me and is in a R with someone else - what do I have to lose by DBing, then I tried to follow the process to a tee.? Don't let fear hold you back my friend....or finances....maybe start having a look at local meetups, support groups, leisure centre, library events, volunteering - anything that gets you out and about, doing new things and interacting with others...

Good for you with the hair and make up done. So, next time what will you do when you go into town? I love charity shops (cheap) and sometimes I just grab a coffee and read my book (cheap too...)

Maybe think about some mini goals to get you moving forward...next week I'm going to get dressed, do my hair and make up and....go into town and do x..

Baby steps...and remember, there may not be that much you can do about him in the short term. But you can a) not make it worse and b) do things for yourself. These are both within your control...and that's where to focus.

xx

Beautiful advice.

[- MB -]

Thank you SG! The last 4 or 5 days have been so lonely and sad. Not sure why. I mean nothing happened any differently, I just can't seem to get out of this gloom and dooom lonely funk that I seem to have slipped back into. I just so want him to hug me and tell me, even if it means nothing. It would at least give me peace for a few minutes.

Are you still married, separated, single? How have things worked out for you? I know that I'm in the newbie section here so I haven't really seen anything from anyone that actually worked things out with their spouses by doing the 180 and going dark. Does it work very often?

I wish you a happy and peaceful day as well. It's good to know that I'm not alone in this, even though I feel like I am.

[Cadet]

MB

In the resource section of the first post that I gave to you is newbie resources it has a link for Mozza's thread which has success stories.

Db'ing works I am sure.

[sgctxok]

I know that feeling.

I'm a long time DBer...came here years after a divorce in the middle of a post divorce relationship. DB and Michele personally saved my life and sanity. And I got the guy back. That was a dating relationship that needed not to continue.

Then I met G and DB trained me, and has been my tool. G and I have been engaged, domestic partners, living between two small residences not too far away because of the economy (can't sell them) and really unique family circumstances that create a web with the economy. My daughter and grandson have moved back in and he has a special needs son that lives with him most often in the residence he maintains. We are together back and forth. It has been a very loving and nurturing relationship.

We had a death in his family, and the demons inside both of us came loose. (Beetlejuice 3x). We hit below the belt. Dont do that.


So we shall see.


It's really best to ride the storms. Keep doing more of what works. (I'm a real bad example right now. I've been a great example, I've been a bad example. Be good). Now I have to pick myself back up, dust off my shame for my bad behavior, and go back to moving positively forward.

On the plus side, we both recognized our parts, both apologized, and we both still love each other, we each said that.


There are pluses and minuses to telling family and friends your business. But everyone has an opinion and wants you to follow their opinion. It's your own life.

So do better than me. I will go back to doing better than me.

[Cadet]

Sgc

Sorry for the hijack MB,

I think how your relationships survive hard times is more important than what happens in good times.

Anyone can do well in good times, of course I am conflict avoidant so take that into account.

You are going to be fine.

[sgctxok]

Cadet-

You are the best ever, in many ways. I appreciate you!

sg