I want to also add, I may have done a boat load of growing. In fact I know I did. I've come a long way but there is also a long road ahead of me. BUT, I would not be where I am without each and every one of you! This place has been my go to place since I found it. I used to go to friends, family, anybody that would listen to my sappy self. That helped nothing, it only gave people a one sided story to base their own opinion from. Then it would relay back to XF in dribs and drabs, partial truths and more than anything, pressure. I come here and vent. I come here for 2x4's. And I appriciate everybody here taking time out of their own messed up lives (no offense, but that's why we are all here haha) to help me get mine back on track. I love you all!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Which leads me to this thought, why don't we have a forum meet and greet sometime somewhere??? Haha it would prolly turn into a hug and sob fest but I think it sounds like a good GAL for everybody!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
I can look past all that at this point because I know the her nobody else sees. And it's been ugly lately. As far as feeling the loss and me being in charge, I don't know what I would do at this point. It would be nice to have that chance someday but I honestly feel like I would tell her she had her chance. This is all current feelings so who knows what I would say tomorrow. But I can say that today, the only reason I would hear her out would be for S4.
You're right, and fortunately you don't have to make that decision today. You are seeing her for what she is, not some idealized version that saw only the good side that we all tend to see in our spouse/partners. Now if she does come back, you'll be able to fall in love with the real her. If that day comes, it will be a stronger love than the earlier version, and more cherished, because you will have paid a higher price. Still, that is all a big ? out there in the fog of the future. You are doing right to put one foot right in front of the other and live in the reality that is right now. And that reality is about you and your S. Believe me, that is not a place most people are.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
This morning I ended up running about 2 hours late for work. Normally that's not me and not an option... This morning I got up and was doing my morning thing, checking the wood stove, getting dressed, ect. I heard S4 get up and come hopping down the steps. He got down to me and wanted to go back to bed. I tried to reason with him and he wasn't having it. I told him if he goes back to bed, I'll use the bathroom and come in. (Figuring he would fall asleep quickly and I could just carry him out). When I got back there, he had a movie turned on, a blanket layed out for each of us and a glass of water to share haha. I crawled in, he was so snugly I couldn't get up we watched the whole movie before I even thought of moving! Now to try to make up so lost time at work!
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Another personal achievement, and I know it is very early but I'm not looking to take this anywhere yet, just testing the waters. I signed up for a dating website last night. I must say it feels kinda good to have a few messages from interested ladies in a few hours. Haven't responded to any yet. Maybe I won't? Who knows. It was a test for myself to see where I was inside, and the only way I knew to get the answer was to do it.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
This morning I ended up running about 2 hours late for work. Normally that's not me and not an option... This morning I got up and was doing my morning thing, checking the wood stove, getting dressed, ect. I heard S4 get up and come hopping down the steps. He got down to me and wanted to go back to bed. I tried to reason with him and he wasn't having it. I told him if he goes back to bed, I'll use the bathroom and come in. (Figuring he would fall asleep quickly and I could just carry him out). When I got back there, he had a movie turned on, a blanket layed out for each of us and a glass of water to share haha. I crawled in, he was so snugly I couldn't get up we watched the whole movie before I even thought of moving! Now to try to make up so lost time at work!
It is funny how those little ones can make important things not important. Since W moved out, on my days S4 has been spending time with me at work. Really makes it hard to get a good full day in, but we actually do a lot of fun stuff together.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
I got home from work. Phone rang almost immediately. It was XF... Almost seemed like a bit of a temp check? She asked about a S4 appointment weeks from now that I already knew about. Rambled something about car insurance and it seemed like she didn't want the convo to end. I finally said to her, "I just got home from work, I have to go so I can pick up S4 and spend some time with him".
It was just weird enough to mention.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
That's how I felt about it indigo. I think the way I reacted and just listened on Saturday got her thinking "boy he doesn't care anymore, he is fine with this". It's nothing but mind reading so see what happens moving forward. If she continues to reach out for unimportant things I will definatly start thinking more that way.
I must admit, that call kinda got me twisted up this morning. Basically I'm overthinking the reason/meaning behind it even though I realize it doesn't matter. I know better, I just have to let it pass and move along.
I will see her tonight for S4 swap. Gonna keep it as short as possible and let her stew on why. Saturday, I will also see her for a bit. Actually meeting to swap S4 and get our cell phone bills split. That may also be playing in her head? Making all this more final. She has to find her own car insurance tomorrow also because I am dropping coverage on her car. Kinda tired of paying for that when she already got the car from me for free...
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
Another big sign for where she is at will be this afternoon. If I get the typical "what time works" text about S4 swap, she's cold and distant. If she calls, typically she is very friendly and chatty.
There again, it's nothing of much meaning, just something I have noticed over the past few months as a pattern.
Me 34, XF 27 Many years together Son 4 Engaged Not engaged Many false starts by XF 7/16 new girlfriend comes into my life 2/17 girlfriend moves in my home
we watched the whole movie before I even thought of moving! Now to try to make up so lost time at work!