Six to Nine

[mahhhty]

Last night, I did a lot more thinking in regards to what V (THANK YOU) was talking about. I tried to find another source of the traits that made me me. I found something she gave me from Feb 14, 2012, a craft project, card read "10 reasons we love you! Love Mama & D."

"You love us no matter what we say or do." <----(Can you imagine, that I read this first)
"You have incredible dreams about our future.
You don't mind watching chick flicks or Sesame Street.
You make us laugh especially when we need it.
You listen to me and want to solve my problems.
You are the BEST at tucking us in.
You make me coffee.
You inspire us to be passionate about life.
You love my cooking (even my experiments).
You are a piece to OUR puzzle."

Reading this was cathartic, I even cracked a smile. But that was the life I had and not the direction I am headed now.

I finally get it, after doing many things wrong. I have no more social media ties with her. She is not favorited on my phone and her pictures are not up (except for the kids room). Frames/Art she liked is gone. I am done with her and her family (I will always be outgoing with my x-nieces though, whenever I see them), I won't approach any of them again. I will be what the situation calls for.... An Amazing Father and her business ACQUAINTANCE, nothing more.

In the process of removing things off my phone, I accidentally called her and hung up quickly, the call timer was still at 0:00. But she called back immediately sounding happy and bubbly. I wanted to explain my upcoming actions or talk about her response to a letter I spent sooooo much time on, but she does not want to hear. So, I acted surprised about the call and got off the phone quickly.

Love,
This letter to you is the last one I will write that you will never read. I've been kidding myself for a year. I needed closure and surely you have provided it. Knowing what I know now, many things throughout the situation make sense. I believe you have lied to me, manipulated me and the situation for some self-serving goals. I can't imagine a scenario in which you didn't cheat on me or want to cheat. I deserve more. I will not be your doormat. You have dived even further into your work world, which impacts your side of the 50/50 arrangement. While I am developing the world of my dreams in which I can see the kids all summer. On these boards, people talk about making the Walkaway or Wayward Spouse the fool. I'd never call you a fool, but surely a mother leaving behind two children and a husband who would have done anything isn't deserving. We deserve better.

Your last boyfriend, your friends in high school, your friends in college, and now our relationship. All of those relationships were ended by you. No one but you could understand this. Perhaps it may be appropriate to say that you lean out when the only thing to save a relationship would be pushing forward into uncomfortable, uneasy, uncharted territory. I would have trudged through the deepest depths with you for our relationship.

Thanks to you I know the feeling of unconditional love. First with you, then with our kids. Thank you for that. Thank you for our book. That was the most genuine and thoughtful gift I have received in my life. Thank you for our two children who have the opportunity to be the best we have to offer.

Goodbye.
Mahhhty

[mahhhty]

On to the next day.

6th: The Next Day...

[Vanilla]

To finish,

There is no need to explain the challenge.

You really truly get it.

V