Dealing with WW, Kids, and Divorce 2

[WhyUs]

Thanks Vapo,

I honestly believe that not talking for 4 months has been a blessing of sorts. I can't tell you how many emails and letters I have written without hitting the send button. I get it off my chest and then as far as she knows there was no reaction at all. I know there will come a time when we are speaking again and I will have to hold it in. "Water of a ducks back." I love that. I love to duck hunt as well so it will be an easy one for me to keep on my mind.

I agree that she is trying to make me look bad by getting a rise out of me. I think I have been pretty successful in fending that off. She on the other hand is really making herself look like an a-hole to a lot of people.

I honestly am in a better place these days. I have accepted the D will happen. I'm not fighting it. I am however fighting for my rights financially and as a father. I am starting to make long term plans without her and I think that is a good sign of my mental state right now.

I do find myself too pre-occupied with what she is trying to do to me in relation to the children. I am working on that and hopefully it will all just be water off a duck's back soon.

[Vapo]

And the beautiful part is that she's digging her pit all by herself and when she comes to and finds herself at the bottom ob the pit, she WILL realize that the problem was/is HER.

Stay strong buddy...

[WhyUs]

Woke up this morning pissed at W. I dreamed about all the crap she has put me and my children through. These are the times I wish I could make her feel what she has made me feel. Hopefully the day will get better. I really do not like this feeling.

[Vapo]

No worries mate, she'll get hers.

[WhyUs]

The WW just received the letter from my L today requesting First Refusal when she goes out of town over night. Boy did the spew start flying from the FIL. He told me that if I needed to do what was in the best interest of the kids. The marriage is over and I need to move on etc....

My L apparently listed all the times she has been out of town and who the kids have stayed with. Then he stated several of her attempts to interfere with my relationship with the kids.

FIL said that I need to come to the table and get the divorce done. The longer it drags our the more hurt and damage it is going to cause Guess he does not realize WW requested a restraining order so that we can not talk. I told him the ball is in her court. This is all so ridiculous. The FIL is clueless as to what she has been up to and he is very mad at me.

Then at the end of all his spew he says "there is a chance at a friendship after all of this if we just get it done." I honestly believe he is panicked because is daughter is messing things up. Not to mention he is having to pay her L fee's.

I am up for getting the D done and over with, just not on her terms. I'm not gong to give my kids up--period. I am willing to be reasonable and do 50/50 even though she is nutz right now.

[Vapo]

WU,

of course FIL will side with her. Blood is thicker than water. I do not know what relationship you had with your FIL, but if you had a good relationship, I would at least give it a try and explain things to FIL (without any accusations or name calling) but I would be firm with regards the children. The children are 50% your and 50% wife's. No FILs no MILs have a say. And don't take stuff personally. It is almost certainly a fact, that your W gave them completely onesided story which makes you the bad guy (God only knows what she spinned). But do not expect your inlaws to "see the light".

The WW just received the letter from my L today requesting First Refusal when she goes out of town over night. Boy did the spew start flying from the FIL. He told me that if I needed to do what was in the best interest of the kids. The marriage is over and I need to move on etc....

I did not quite understand you here...

And no, I would not (and do not) want to be friends with W. Friends do not do this to friends. And after all she is just trying to ease her conscience by offering you her friendship. The other day I heard a good one. An ex asking you to be friends with her is just like saying you your hijackers (after you've been rescued) Bye guys, let's stay in touch... Hell no...

Stay strong buddy...

[WhyUs]

I had a great realtionship with FIL before this. He keeps trying to say he wants to be friends after all this. My dad says he is greasing me and f***ing me when I turn around. Lol. I beleive he really thinks a relationship is salvageable after all this. I just cant make decisions based on that right now.

It is hard for him because WW is feeding him crap and he is conflicted by what he knows about me and what WW is telling him. When it comes to it he has to go with WW.

Right now he is the typical well-meaning family member that wants the divorce because he thinks it will solve all problems.

[WhyUs]

Last night and this morning I have been a little bothered by the fact that WW is upset at me. As much as I know I need to move on, these little controversies bother me because I feel like they push us further apart. I realize that I have to fight for my children. I just hate that it is putting a wedge between me and WW.

I have some hope in the back of my mind that we can work through this and every time she gets upset at me I know she and her family are just finding more justification for us to get a divorce. Feel like I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. From reading Sandi's posts I know that every time I stand up to WW she is going to twist and turn and pitch a fit. It just [censored] that it has to be this way. I know it does not mean we will not reconcile. However, it sure feels like it is going to make it that much harder.

Perhaps I should look at it like I am not going to be treated like a door mat and have her continue to lose respect for me. Even though it feels negative now, in the long run she will respect me more and that is good. Who knows... Trying to figure it out and guess what she is thinking or feeling is pointless.

[angel r]

Boundaries boundaries! Let her know your boundaries when ever she starts pushing your buttons, you know what to do. Let her know how you feel and just walk away from the situation and talk about it later. I also felt like that with my wife , damn if i do damn if i dont. I never had any boundaries with her and she just walked all over me. Where is my self-respect ? I got the courage now to take her to court in order to see if kids. I am also reading and taking advise from your tread and wrote down the idea of getting first dibs when ever she is not with the kids. I have told myself she will no longer step over me. She will no longer treat me like a toy. I am a human being with feelings.

[WhyUs]

I went out with some friends last night and apparently they have a person they want to set me up with. She has a PHd and graduated from Vanderbilt and is a college professor. --and she looks super hot in the pictures they showed me.

When they were telling me all this I started to get really excited. I did not even think of WW. I realize how easy it is for her not to give a damn about me while she is infatuated with OM. I am most likely the furthest thing from her mind. This is why it is so important for the relationship with OM to end. Otherwise, she will never really have any interest in saving our M.

I am a little hesitant about meeting someone before the D is final. It just adds another level of complexity to things. However, I do think it is time to start moving on. I just do not want to hurt my case in court by seeing another woman. I also do not want to bring a person into the mess that is currently my life and hurt them in any way.