Hey, mleigh4, how did it go with after the trick or treating yesterday? Did you go out with your friend?
I’ve been following your updates. You sound good. One thing that you mention once in a while resonates with me. When you mention that your H actually might like the way his life is and has no plans to ever change it, you get upset. You think that you are detaching nicely and moving on. You don’t like the way things are, you are tired of this situation and this limbo… And then this thought about H comes… I’ve been going through the same thing for a while now. I don’t have any advice here, since I’ve been trying to figure it out myself. All I can say is that I absolutely admire your determination and your courage to keep pushing through this.
Originally Posted By: job
Holidays bring out lots of emotions not only for us, but also for the MLCers. From now until March 17th, there will be a lot of touch and goes for many of the posters and there will also be some false reconciliations along the way too. It happens every year because many people want that comfort of being home w/family and they miss the traditions, but once the Bunny has poked his head out and the Easter Parade is over, many of the reconciliations go up in smoke.
Job, interesting observation. I don’t think I had an increase of touch and goes during the holidays before, so I’m not expecting it this year either. On the opposite, I think my H is going to dig deeper into the tunnel, LOL.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hawho, you may be right about the in-laws. I too get confused about whether I am married or not! I mean, what exactly are we?? I do notice I call H S's dad, not my husband. It just started happening on its own.
Job, the upcoming holidays are haunting me! But I am determined to make them my own this year and to spend them with people who love me and enjoy me for who I am. No more forced fake family time. But I also know this will not be easy for me.
Bright, it's so good to hear from you! Our situations are terrible. It is so much easier to think they are broken, they need help, that this is not about us...but often I do wonder, maybe he really was just miserable being with me. Maybe he really is happier now. I would just hope if that is the case, then he would initiate closure on this so we could both go on with our lives.
Yesterday I took S to H. FIL was there. I notice he has been spending almost every weekend with H lately. He gave me big hugs and we were chatting. He asked me what my plans were for the night. Lol, I felt weird saying in front of H that I was going out with friends! But I did, then let H know that S has requested my presence to trick or treat after all. H asked if I wanted him to pick me up on the way. I told him I would just meet them there.
We all met up at S friends house. H and I both wore black shirts with skulls on them and laughed about how we picked out the scariest shirt we had. Funny how we matched.
We had fun trick or treating, S got a ton of candy. H was being very friendly and polite. Offering to carry things for me and making lots of conversation. As always, we had a great connection and it just leaves me so darn confused as to why he is fighting it! My friends, the parents of S friend, asked about my evening plans. I told them and H asked where we were going. I told him and he commented that it sounded fun. Asked if I was dressing up, I said yes.
When we left he wished a fun time.
I went home and changed into my pirate costume. Friends came and picked me up. We went to the local haunted restaurant, they had live music. At midnight, they turned off the lights and shared ghost stories about the place in candlelight. It was fun!! "Sleepover" friend showed up, he is good friends with my friends H, but he behaved. Hopefully no new rumors pop up!
Got up this morning and went to have breakfast with my girlfriend and then to look at her house being built. She showed me the matching model home, it's beautiful. I am so excited for them. H TM that he was heading over soon to drop off S. I let him know I would be home in about 1/2 hour.
He came and asked about my night and laughed about the ghost stories. Said he was headed to grocery store. I thought he would mention Costco but no!! The anticipation is killing me! Lol
I really enjoyed getting out and doing different things. I love having my girlfriend nearby now, she is very active and outgoing. We are planning hikes and walks, we have great trails all around us.
Once again, spending time with H has left me feeling a bit blue and frustrated. I expect it now though and will let it flow out. Having a nice night with S and my fur babies. I have a ton of Halloween stuff to clean up!
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi Mleigh- I have to laugh at your "forced fake family time" comment. It makes me want to get punch cards and a machine so I can "clock in and out." Remember Ralph E. Wolf and Sam Sheepdog from Looney Tunes? They had that skit where they punched in and did the same nonsense, then punched out and said see you tomorrow for the same. Maybe I should get one of those machines and install it by my front door!!!
I haven't read your thread from the start and without reading back, I am curious if your H spewed at you earlier on? Or no?
It is SO odd that clearly there is a connection and bond (right down to wearing matching shirts) and yet he fights it. When you really step back from it you see that they sure do waste a lot of time working so feverishly to make themselves happy. When you apply one or two brain cells to thinking about it you can see the things they are trying cannot possibly make a person happy internally.
Glad you had fun on Halloween--sounds fun!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hawho, of course I remember Looney Tunes! All of them! Yes, it is like that episode, isn't it?
My H is a very nice MLC, he is very PA so spews were rare. I got more silence. The spews I got were more of when I would push and push until he would blow up. He is always so calm, it makes me crazy, so I would push until he would show some emotion. I also got a spew out of the blue when he thought I put GPS trackers on his trucks. I still have no idea where that idea came from. So overall, not many spews. How about you?
Dropped off S to H tonight. My low tire pressure light came on in my truck today. As hard as it was for me, I asked H about it. Of course, he scrambled around to get the tools and fixed it, in the rain. Sometimes I think I would prefer that he be mean...it would be so much easier to dislike him.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Hi Mleigh - when it comes to the treatment I am receiving, I feel like I am getting the MLC sampler dish. I have had some spewing (some verbal but mostly written), silent treatment, tons of PA manipulation and full on transference.
The paranoia seems to be off the charts for your H. Odd.
Have a great day!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Not much to update here. Tuesday night H TM to say he had an early meeting on Friday and asked to drop off S back with me Thursday night or switch for Friday night instead. I asked S what he preferred, S asked me why I would even ask that question, that he doesn't like daddy's place and wants to come home, not switch a night.
I waited until the next day to reply and just told H he can bring S home Thursday night. I was ready for a good reply if he asked about switching nights again, but he didn't.
We are dog sitting my cousins Yorkie until Monday. It's been.....interesting. My sweet lab is doing fine with it, my S loves and wants to keep him, but my cat wants to kill him. Lol. I have to keep them apart.
H brought S home Thursday night and proceeded to turn off all the lights and give us a laser light show with some laser he got. This went on for about 15 minutes. H seemed very comfortable, hung out for a while and chatted. Then at 9 he mentioned S still needed to finish some homework. And they left part of it at his house. Not cool and I let him know it. He apologized and said it's his fault, time just got away from them. He actually owned it and said sorry, a first in a long time. I suppose in a MLC mind, playing with a laser is much more important than homework! Priorities, right?
Friday morning S teacher told me she forgot to tell me S was getting an award at the assembly that day. I let H know. He was panicked, had stuff planned but was going to try to make it. I am blessed to work 2 blocks from home and school, so it was no problem for me to go last minute. H actually made it, I was really impressed and happy for S to have him there. We were all smiles and proud parents for his academic achievement award. We walked together to our cars after and just did the "see you later" goodbye.
I am still feeling very detached, even though I truly love being near H and talking with him. I love to see the glimpses of old H come out, but I stay aware that is all they are right now. I am finding it easy to stay shut down and distant. I have no desire to initiate a thing. We have not had this small of contact since this whole thing started. Not sure why or how to explain, but It feels very right and necessary right now.
S and I are enjoying a mellow day today and have some errands to run tomorrow. We just love being home together
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Mleigh-that is great news about your son! You must be so proud!
I laughed out loud at the laser light show. 15 minutes worth?!? I cannot even imagine what your cat was doing during all this!
Sounds like you are in a good, calm place these days.
Sending you positive karma.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Congratulations to your son on receiving an award. I'm sure you were very proud of him and I'm so happy that you were able to watch him receive it.
As for the laser lights...I agree w/Lou...no matter the age, it's boys and toys!
Keep up the good work.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
