in house S (4)

[OhGreat]

The better you do the worse she will do, at least for a while. That seems to be the trend I see. Almost like the WAS is trying to maintain the balance that existed in the old r. Kinda weird right?

[vise82]

Hey OhGreat,

Yes I can see that. Lately since she complained about me not emptying the dishwasher she has stopped doing it. So someone has to do it .. me.

balance shift.

I need to organize my garage while she is away. This is something I used to do when we were dating, working in the garage late at night didn't watch much tv, working on my car.

I think I will get back into that this weekend, first thing get the radio hooked up!!

[sandi2]

The better you do the worse she will do, at least for a while.

That is very true! She will be frustrated and angry b/c she is use to calling the shots and her nice-guy H hopping around trying to keep her appeased. She pulling and wanting to win her way. She has to be shown that you no longer are willing to tolerate her behavior.

Below is my analogy of Dropping the Rope:

Imagine having a rope in your hand and the other end of that rope was tied around the waist of your W. You do not want her to leave you. You are fighting for your M. So, she is pulling with all her might to get free of you. She wants out of this R! The harder she pulls forward to get away.....the harder you hold back on the rope. You have both of your heels buried into the ground and both hands in a death grip on that rope. Do you have that picture in your mind? Okay, what would happen if suddenly you dropped that rope?

She is pulling so hard with her head looking forward......that when you drop the rope....she will nearly fall over! Suddenly she is free....nothing is holding her back! She stumbles and tries to get her balance. She turns around and looks at you to see why you let go. My question to you is....what will she see?

She does not need to see a man standing there doing nothing but pitifully staring back at her or she'll just walk on. If she sees that man has stopped paying any attention to her and has his mind on something else, then she will be curious to see what got his attention more than she could. She will begin to move in a little be so she can get a closer look. She may start to ask him questions about what he's doing and who he's seeing. She keeps getting a little closer b/c she almost acts as if she's forgotten that she is no longer held by that rope and she can leave. She is free....but she doesn't want to leave now that the man has dropped the rope.

[vise82]

Hey Sandi,

What you wrote made complete sense to me.

I understand it.

Reading it was emotional.

I was seeing what you wrote in my head related to my situation.

This is the hope.

[sandi2]

Thank you, Vice. It is so good to hear you say you have hope. That makes my day!

[vise82]

Hey,

Just dropped kids off at my inlaws, they are sleeping over there tonight because they have no school tomorrow and my W is at a wedding rehearsal dinner and sleeping there as well. MIL didn't say anything to me but hello, normal stuff. She will be dropping the kids off after im done work. Not sure if I should ask her anything, like so how are you handling all this? I would really like to know what she thinks of it all. But DB rules are don't get them involved.

Kids were not happy to leave I had to literally drag them out to the car. they were crying. I felt so bad, I could of took the day off work but didn't even have time to think of that as this was planned months ago.

My oldest S6 asked me yesterday if divorce meant not married anymore, there was news on the radio of celebrities that were now divorced. I was going to tell my W about this but I thought it was a bad idea. Then today he asked me if I was going to spend Christmas with him at grandmas and grandpas. I was shocked and didn't know what to say so I just said how do you know that is where Christmas is going to be? he said that is where we go every year, I said no some yeas when you were younger we didn't.

Then I changed the subject. I don't even know if I am invited or what is happening for Christmas. I never liked the idea of having Christmas at the inlaws, it doesn't allow of us as a family to create our own traditions, to have that close time together, for me to feel at home to relax and be myself. I felt like I was my W brother with her parents in charge and us following the rules of their house.

I don't know why we couldn't just do our own thing then later go visit them in the afternoon. Just to have time as our own little family the four of us.

[vise82]

Hey,

Made it through the night in an empty house. I understand now when other guys post about how quiet the house is empty.

I managed to keep it together, didn't think too much about my W spending all this wedding time with the Bestman that her friend is trying to set her up with.

I trust in our bond and our connection and have hope that this wedding will bring us closer. That this will give her the clarity that she is looking for, that it will give her the answers she needs.

She needs to go through this. She needs to make a choice or get closer to making one. To think of what path she wants to go on.

Today the kids are going to be dropped off at my house by my MIL. I don't think I will say anything about the S with her, unless she asks. I don't think she will, I think she will drop off and go.

Saturday I am taking the kids to a movie, they will love it.

[vise82]

Hey,

W texted me at work, good sign, it was mostly how good the kids are doing at MIL's and drop off times. I will wait a while before I respond.

There is a promotion available at my job. Not sure if I should tell my W I am going to apply for it. It would be more money but also pull me further ahead as far as alimony and the difference in how much we make. We are not at that point but is a consideration. The more I make the more I pay her if we D.

If I tell her it might look like pursuing as this has been an issue for her, how much money I make.

But this is a boundary that I think she should not have any say in what I do for work, that is my choice, for better or worse for rich or poor.

She in the past and an argument two days ago, was suggesting that I need to make more money.

This is a promotion that I was looking for years ago regardless of what she was saying. It just seems like bad timing, with the S and living in limbo.

Can I deal with the stress of a new job and get through a stressful D?

[sandi2]

I don't even know if I am invited or what is happening for Christmas. I never liked the idea of having Christmas at the inlaws, it doesn't allow of us as a family to create our own traditions, to have that close time together, for me to feel at home to relax and be myself. I felt like I was my W brother with her parents in charge and us following the rules of their house.

That's what a young family needs to do, at least have a little time. They have to start when the kids are small and begin their own holiday traditions. The grandparents naturally want the kids and grandkids over, but you just have to work your own time in with them. Your W may want to cling to her own childhood Christmas memories at her parents, and it could hinder from making her own family traditions. These issues become more intense when the M is on the rocks.

We use to have Santa Clause for the kids and give each other gifts on Christmas morning. Then we would scurry around and get over to the grandparents. The grandparents had their time when their own children were growing up. They should understand that now you deserve to have your time with your small ones.

[Huddy]

Don't want to hijack, but when me and W first got together, we spend alternate christmas times at each others parents. I hated it! I wanted to just stay in and have fun. Stick to your guns pal, you're doing OK.