If I was in your situation, I would hang on a bit longer until the next change. I do realize it's not easy for him to "choose" but I wouldn't take it personally either.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
So smart of you to get S14 his own phone It is nice that he will be able to reach out to you anytime he likes. You mentioned that he is back to living with W. Is it possible for there to be a more consistent arrangement with you getting more time? The lure of teenage friends is a tough one, but it sounds like the time he spent with you and D21 was great. Keep being the best Wet and father you can be...your kids are noticing!
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
P.S. Your Friday lawyer jokes crack me up!
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
I now have a deadline in front of me - W called me yesterday. Her birthday is in January (she turns the big 50), and she asked if there is anyway for us to get divorced before her birthday. She asked if we can get the divorce finalized and leave the issues in dispute (child support and alimony) to be decided later. Whaaat?!
She then told me she has an attorney that will work for her for free (pro bono), but they can't start the process for another 2 months.
I told W that no, all of the issues have to be resolved before the final divorce order is entered. So no, there is no way we can finish the divorce before her January birthday.
So it looks like in 2 months time the divorce process will start.
An hour after speaking with W, my sister texted me that my father was just hospitalized. It is looking serious - he has a golf ball size growth that recently appeared on his back, and his lungs were half full with liquid. It is hard to see my dad go downhill so quickly.
I know the deadline sounds ominous, but try not to let it bother you. It wouldn't change what is actually already happening on a day to day basis, would it? I'm glad you stood your ground to make sure that everything is in order before anything is official. That buys you more time.
I'm so sorry your dad isn't doing well. Hopefully the doctors can identify any issues and begin treatment.
Keep your chin up!
Regards,
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
A couple of odd behaviors from W. 1st beginning last week, W found a special lighter. She accused s14 of using drugs. Over and over. Now this might be a true accusation, but W is obsessing about it. You think I may be over-stating this? Here's a story to prove my point:
W finds a special lighter in the laundry. She and om go to the park where s14 hangs out with his friends. They find a 'dealer' who explains the lighter's function - it is specially made for use with a bong.
Then W repeatedly talks to s14 about it, which is driving him crazy. Now I recently had him for a week, and I did not smell anything like pot smoke. I asked him point blank - is this your pipe? S14 said "no". Are you taking drugs? He looked me in the eye and again tells me "no". I told him I believed him.
Now if W had found some drugs this would be a different story. Hmmm, and there is a third person now living with W - namely, om. I don't know him, but I think a 44 year old man is more likely than a new to the area 14 year old with no source of income, for taking drugs. But I guess I am in s14's corner.
A quick update on my Dad. He is still in the hospital, and several things are not looking good. He has congestive heart failure. He has cancer in the liver and lungs. His bladder is failing. He can't breathe very well. And he is getting these weird large growths that appear very quickly. He had a biopsy on one of the growths, and so we should know fairly quickly what is causing this.
So I text the kids and W with updates on what is going on with their "Papa". The kids in Boston (d19 and d18) are especially interested in the updates. Anyway, W texts me 2 nights in a row asking if anyone is staying with my Mom. A nice enough thought, but my family is no longer anything that part of W's life. So I didn't respond.
But then W calls my SiL asking this same question, which SiL shut down quickly. W is showing signs of poor judgment and obsession which makes me feel annoyed. It is not what I want to deal with as I am dealing with my Father's health issues.
A man walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will grant you three wishes", announced the genie. "But there is one condition: I am a lawyer's genie. That means that for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets the same wish as you - only double."
The man thought about this for a while. "For my first wish, I would like $10 million", he announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10 million had been deposited. "But every lawyer in the world has just received $20 million", the genie said.
"I've always wanted a Ferrari", the man said. "That's my second wish."
Instantly a Ferrari appeared. "But every lawyer in the world has just received two Ferraris", the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"
"Well". said the man, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
I have survived Christmas - with this year being an especially tough one. On Christmas Eve, my Dad and the family met with his oncologist, who told us there were cancer spots. And then yesterday we met with the doctor again who told us - the cancer in my Father is in every imaginable place - his brain, liver, lungs, spine and bones.
The amazing thing is that my Father is not in pain and still active. Praise God!
But the doctor let us know that the cancer (Merkel) is fast growing and very aggressive.
D18 will fly in from Boston to celebrate New Year's Eve with W. W did not have d21 or s14 for Christmas or Christmas Eve, and she did not celebrate with her family either. She said she will have a 2nd Christmas with the kids when d18 comes into town on Thursday.
I am so sorry to come here and read about your father. It's a miracle that he's not in pain at this time. Spend as much time as you can w/him. I would also recommend that your children carve out some time and spend w/him. Now is a good time to make some home movies w/him that you can look back on in the years to come.
I will continue to keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
